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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to sometime be extremely jealous of parents with NT kids

290 replies

Studyinghell · 18/09/2018 21:28

Just tht really, not that I’d wish his personality away or anything like that. But when things are hard Im so jealous of parents with NT kids and kids with no medical conditions

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 18/09/2018 21:30

It’s totally natural to want an easier life for both your sake and his. No judgement here. Flowers

ThisMustBeMyDream · 18/09/2018 21:31

If you are, then so am I.

I don't have any better response other than I think it's a completely normal feeling.

MorningsEleven · 18/09/2018 21:33

I've one NT, he's a dream.

Squidgee · 18/09/2018 21:34

Nope.. if you are, then so am I.

II need a break, i'm so tired, I haven't slept properly in 13 years.

huggybear · 18/09/2018 21:34

There will be millions of people wishing they had a child at all.

Isadora2007 · 18/09/2018 21:34

No of course that’s not unreasonable. Not at all.

steppemum · 18/09/2018 21:34

Oh sweetheart no judgement from me.

Whenever I see someone parenting a child with additional needs I am struck by how I am seeing just 5 minutes of what for them is 24/7 and how hard that must be at times.

I was thinking about it as I read a thread on sleep this week, as my very good friend had a baby with a medical condition which meant she slept in 40 minute bursts between coughing and needing help. So she didn't sleep properly for about 8 years.

It isn't about your lovely dc. It is about the 100% care 24/7 need, a society that isn't made to fit non NT kids and that as human beings, that is hard.
Flowers

immortalmarble · 18/09/2018 21:35

YANBU.

Huggy, if i knew how what having a child with autism entails, I wouldn’t have had mine.

Isadora2007 · 18/09/2018 21:35

There will be millions of people wishing they had a child at all.

That doesn’t make having a child who can be challenging or who can find life itself challenging any easier Huggy.

immortalmarble · 18/09/2018 21:35
  • now
PutItAwayDear · 18/09/2018 21:36

Nope.

Not at all. It's very very hard having a child with additional needs and it's made harder still by the bullshit that people make you deal with day after sodding day. And the forms, OMG the forms, the never ending forms of doom that I have to fill in....

I adore my child but his life is going to be much much harder than his siblings, he is going to struggle and face challenges and prejudice that they aren't, and it makes me very sad for him.

EwItsAHooman · 18/09/2018 21:36

There will be millions of people wishing they had a child at all

And that's sad for them but it doesn't negate how very fucking hard it is raising a child with disabilities and/or complex needs.

ImSoExhausted · 18/09/2018 21:36

I get it. I often wish people knew how difficult it was. I get increasingly annoyed with the 'spectrum' my child's disability falls under.
As a family, we're excluded from all the 'friendly' activities because DS is too disabled to cope. It infuriates me, then I feel like a terrible person for even thinking that those other kids don't have 'real' struggles, because they do, as do their parents. It's just not as bad as my DS.

SpringerLink · 18/09/2018 21:36

Not at all. I love me neurodivergent DC, but I still envy how much easier it is for parents of only NT children.

I also feel very sad for my NT child sometimes that they will not have the same sibling relationship that other children get.

I think it’s very common to feel that way.

DroningOn · 18/09/2018 21:36

What's NT?

EwItsAHooman · 18/09/2018 21:38

NT= neurotypical, i.e., "normal"

(I mean "normal" as in the societal norm).

CrochetBelle · 18/09/2018 21:38

I'll be unreasonable too then.
Another day of fucking fighting everything and getting fucking nowhere.

I wonder how nice it would be to send a child off to school on their merry way and know things were well.

Betsy86 · 18/09/2018 21:39

I hear you op your not alone x

twoheaped · 18/09/2018 21:39

I take my hat off to all who cope with a non NT child.
I honestly don't think I could do it, I really don't.

MoMandaS · 18/09/2018 21:39

Yes huggybear, I was one of them for years. Then was lucky enough to get my dream. He happens to have additional needs and there are times when I feel exactly like the OP. Surely you can't be as ignorant as your post suggests?

Squidgee · 18/09/2018 21:40

neurotypical, the 'average' person who's brain is wired the 'normal' way.
as opposed to
neurodiverse - people on the autism spectrum.

its much broader than that, but that's the quick reply.

Havaina · 18/09/2018 21:40

I've one NT, he's a dream

Possibly not the sort of support OP was looking for. Unless you mean your others aren't NT?

AllAboutTheStuff · 18/09/2018 21:42

I’m another one that is unreasonable too then op. It’s so hard and heartbreaking at times too

twinkletoedelephant · 18/09/2018 21:42

Yep me too. All 3 DC have ASD, I allow myself a mope every now and again that I will never know what it like to parent a neuro typical child. All the lovely easy spur of the moment days out trips away and spontaneous fun that is so far out of the realms of my day to day life, it can be heartbreaking.
But I pull myself together, we only get one go at life - so we will make the best if what we do have and besides NO ONE gives better ninja hugs than my dc

Squidgee · 18/09/2018 21:42

Crochet, my DS just started at a specialist school for children on the spectrum.. for the first time in his education, I can do that... its honestly the best thing ever.

I still have my phone glued to my hand and jump every time it rings though... I have phone trauma from his primary school calling me!!