AIBU to sometime be extremely jealous of parents with NT kids

[Studyinghell]

Just tht really, not that I’d wish his personality away or anything like that. But when things are hard Im so jealous of parents with NT kids and kids with no medical conditions

I'm unreasonable too then OP. Youngest recently diagnosed with muscular dystrophy and autism.
Our lives aren't like other people's x

twoheaped you would have to; what else would you do? There is no choice.

Every now and again I do manage to be glad that I don’t have an identikit, samey, boring NT child. Instead I have a wonderfully quirky, individual non-conformist.

Then I remember that most parents don’t need advanced skills in safe restraint techniques and self defence to survive the evening when their child has had a bad day at school.

Then I feel bad because at least my DC is at school...

Ho hum.

I have an ASD child and I am not jealous of anyone else’s child, I wouldn’t change my little boy even though things do get a little bit hard sometimes.

I feel the same OP. My daughter doesn't have autism or learning difficulties but she has a genetic disorder which makes her different and life can be hard.

We love our children, but it's OK to mourn for the 'normal' life they won't have, and feel some envy for those who don't have children with issues.

I'm sure lots of people feel this way.

I've 2 adult children who have SN and 2 younger children who appear to be NT. I totally understand where you are coming from as I struggled so much with my eldest 2, I still have a phobia of my phone ringing from all the school calls I used to get. My eldest only left home because she is in a secure hospital and I can't see my son ever leaving home! It's not something people will understand unless they have lived it

Yanbu op. I can't imagine how difficult it is for you.

Someone I know through mum groups has a 2yo girl with autism. She doesn't speak at all, only screams or is silent. She can't tolerate structured classes (or indeed unstructured playgroups), can't be taken into anyone's house or a restaurant etc. only he her own home or outdoors/parks. When I watched the mum leave yet another class with her little girl 5 minutes in, my heart broke for her as I watched my son playing happily. It must be so isolating for her and also so hard to watch all the NT kids playing etc.

Ignorant? I'm just saying there will always be someone wishing for what 'you' have, while 'you' wish for something else, it's human nature. I was attempting to make her feel better.

Not unreasonable at all. I have two DS's, one NT and one ASC. They are both amazing but lack of sleep, meltdowns, being unable to leave the house when DS2's behaviour is off the scale, having to be constantly aware of sensory issues...... etc, etc - it all wears me down. Just being able to sit at a table as family and all eat the same meal while making conversation would be amazing, but it's never going to happen.

for you OP, and for all of us who live it, and a big feck off to those like Huggy who make thoughtless comments without knowing what it's like to walk a mile in our shoes!

Most parents also dont need to know the Equality Act word for word and how to apply it when their child is discriminated against.

Nor do they need to know how to navigate EHCPs and the DLA forms.

I take my hat off to all who cope with a non NT child.I honestly don't think I could do it, I really don't..

We do it because we have no choice. Our love for our children helps us to keep going forward. This is what any other parent would do.

yep. Everytime I see kids walking themselves to school I feel jealous. every time i see a normal kid's drawing and handwriting. when i see kids reading. When I hear about all the birthday parties mine don't get invited to.

Get over yourself smallchain. Everyone has their own experiences, the grass is always greener!

Yep, it's hard. Very hard.

I know any words I say will come out wrong, so can I just give to you and everyone who sometimes feels like this too.

I did used to think like this and still do some days, but it is rare now. I might have cried last week when we went to a club and they had an activity with balloons. Balloons cause her lots of stress. I cried because for selfish moment I wanted her to be normal. Then I cried because she is normal, society just doesn't get her version of normal.

I am so proud of every milestone she makes because she fought to get there. It's made me into one of those insufferable parents probably, but I don't care. I am so happy she's talking I don't ever try to shush her. If she stands on a chair to eat lunch I'm just happy she is not destroying something.

Now we have strategies in place day to day is much easier. Of course I wish she'd play with dolls, or have a friend. But she is happy.

I too hate the other full time job of forms and chasing professionals, as well as making special arrangements for her. But she is mine and I do my best. What I have is my pride and joy. Even if it is hard work. I only have and plan to have one so I don't know any different.

I'm having a really tough time with my DS at the moment and think about this every single day. You're definitely not alone.

YANBU.

On my lowest days I feel cheated out of the DS that should have been mine, sad for him that his life will always have some element of struggle to it, that he'll always been out of step with the rest of the world. My middle of the night worry is that he'll never live independently and then what will happen to him when I'm gone? What will happen if drug cuckoos find him? Or someone decides to get him drink or high for a laugh? What if he meets a woman and he takes what he wants because he doesn't understand consent or personal space? What if he has a meltdown as a fully forwn man and accidentally injures or kills someone? What if he's lonely his whole life? What if he becomes one of the astonishingly high suicide statistics amongst young men with his particular set of SN?

I don't have these same worries about my NT children, for them I have a whole lot of guilt. Guilt that they're missing out. Guilt that he gets so much of my time and headspace. Guilt that they'll be obliged to care for him when I get to an age where I can't.

I worry DH will one day get sick of it all and will leave the I'll be stuck on my own.

I love them all so much and I will always keep on keeping on because there's no option not to but, fuck me, there are days where the urge to simply lie on the floor and wail is overwhelming.

I’m totally with you.

I’m right in the middle of assessments for my beautiful son who just turned 2. We already know he has a disorder of the optic nerves and some brain damage, blood sugar issues and now trying to get to the bottom of his developmental regression / delays.

He has a twin who seems fine, apart from the fact he doesn’t talk at all yet and does lots of hand flapping. Part of me is very scared that he has a problem too but right now I’m hoping for the best.

I’m so scared for the future, not knowing what is coming. Right now they are very happy boys - no meltdowns or emotional issues apparent yet. The whole thing is terrifying, and seeing their little friends progressing and doing so well is so hard sometimes.

Thanks every1, is it weird just to feel better to know I’m not the only 1? a really bad couple of days plus constant paper work trying to get transport for new school and then the chemist couldn’t get his melatonin. The 0 hours sleep was the straw that broke the camels back I think today

@Huggybear there was a thread about people like you the other day. Why don't you give it a read www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3364249-to-be-sick-of-seeing-this-on-every-mn-thread

YANBU at all (and if you are then so am I)

I'm sorry OP. I wasn't trying to have a 'race to the bottom', I was trying to help show that other people would be jealous of you, but obviously that didn't come across well. Sorry if I upset you.