AIBU to not go to midwife regarding reduced movement? *Poss TW?*

[booandbumpp]

Can someone please tell me what to do? Posting here for traffic.
I am 34 weeks pregnant - complicated pregnancy, baby has a severe CHD called Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome, and will need a surgery in the first week of life.
I also have high pressure in the placenta and am on weekly monitoring for that. Baby is measuring small due to this and I need to be induced early - at 37 weeks - if the pressure stays high, which it has consistently been for the last 5 weeks.
Baby will be borderline "big" enough for the surgery if born at 37 weeks. Can't keep him in longer, can't delay surgery, otherwise he will definitely die. Nothing I can do to help with the pressure in the placenta.
I've had reduced movement yesterday and today. He's never been the most active baby, but yesterday and today I've barely felt him. FMU consultant told me to watch out for this due to the pressure in placenta possibly getting higher and there being no forward flow of blood to baby.
I haven't yet - partly because I'm having two scans tomorrow - one with cardiologist, one with FMU consultants anyway, so I'll get answers then. Partly because I'm selfish - I'm scared, I don't want to miss another day of work, I don't want to drag my partner out of work to sit next to me for 4 hours at a maternity hospital.
And also because honestly what can they do? They induce me now because my placenta won't work properly, he'll still die because he won't be able to have surgery. They leave him in there with negative flow, he'll die, or stop growing.
I'm not crying, I'm barely upset, I'm just stuck. I feel so annoyed at myself for not being able to make a decision, but I guess thats because I feel like no matter what decision I make, its the same outcome.
SO, sorry that was longer than I expected. WWYD?

I can't resist but to keep checking back here, this has been one of my all time favourite threads, especially with gorgeous little teddy's pictures! Despite the extremely difficult circumstances I'm absolutely in awe of boo's strength. What a woman.

I hope you manage to get some much needed rest tonight

Congratulations op! Teddy is gorgeous x I'd like to make something for you and your new family (I crochet (like knitting)) as your story has really touched me, if that's something you'd be interested in feel free to message me if not then I totally understand. Obviously would do completely free as you've got bigger fish to fry per sé so I wouldn't want you to worry about anything. If this isn't your type of thing then just ignore this I'd completely understand :)

Delurking to send you and your DH huuuuuuuge congratulations on the arrival of gorgeous little Teddy, what a handsome little chap he is!

Wish you the absolute best with his upcoming tests etc. Please know you’ve got a legion of support here whenever you need it!

He's beautiful, congratulations and all the best for the future 💐

Congratulations!!! He’s utterly gorgeous xxxx

Congratulations! He's a wee corker. Re expressing, don't be shy in asking for help. A marvellous midwife helped me hand express colostrum when my first was in SCBU (when I say "help", she essentially milked me - I was hopeless at hand expressing!). When milk started to come in more volume, a hospital grade double pump was invaluable. Your hospital should have them but if not there are charities and companies that rent them out monthly. Try to do it by Teddy's incubator if you can - you'll get much more for your efforts. All the best!

He is so gorgeous. He looks a good size - how much did he weigh? Hope you are getting some rest.

Welcome to the world little Teddy. Your mum is pretty cool!
Congratulations. X

So happy to see your little boy. Have thought of you so often since the thread was posted. He’s so lovely. Congratulations and so well done for making it through this difficult, challenging pregnancy. All the very best to you for the next steps with your beautiful son ❤️

Oh @booandbumpp I’m so pleased for you. This has made me cry. He’s absolutely gorgeous. Congratulations xx

He is absolutely gorgeous. What a wee smasher. Congratulations Boo and welcome to the world little Teddy. x❤️x

Congratulations, he is lovely.

Wishing you all the best.

He is one adorable looking baby. Just gorgeous.

Congratulations and wishing you all the best.

He’s absolutely lovely. Welcome to the world, Teddy. 💕

Congratulations on his safe arrival. I discovered your thread this morning and read in one go with my heart in my mouth.

Wishing you lots of love and strength for the next steps xx

Congratulations on your gorgeous little man!

NICU isn't the easiest place to be with your baby but take advantage of the nurses, they can show you how to do cares if you want to and help you have cuddles.

I hope the expressing is going ok but don't beat yourself up if it doesn't work out. I couldn't do it and really struggled with the decision not to but I had to do what was best for both of us. You're going through a lot and you need to look after yourself as well. If you need to ask about donor breastmilk - I wasn't aware it was an option until our lovely nurse phoned me just as we'd got home on Christmas Eve to ask if he could have it.

Treasure every moment with your precious boy

What a gorgeous boy. Well done Boo.

(And he looks like a little fighter just like his Mum) hope you manage a good sleep.

Congratulations! What a beautiful boy

Congratulations! Teddy is beautiful and what a cute name  enjoy getting lost in your little boy. Don't be alarmed if you start to cry at everything - random adverts on tv etc 

Congratulations OP. He is absolutely gorgeous. Sending you every best wish for the next steps in the process. Xx

Congratulations again, he is absolutely gorgeous!! I hope it all goes well, he's lucky to have a strong mama like you!! Take care of yourself too 😊

Congrats Op he is lovely! We have a Theodore too. You've done such a good job so far xxxx

Hope Teddy has had a good night and you are recovering well from the birth 💐

Welcome to the world little fighter. He's just beautiful, I hope youre taking care of yourself OP, at what must be an overwhelmingly stressful, devastating and joyous time.

Congratulations @booandbumpp what a beautiful little boy you have!
Sending all the luck and love we have going forward.
Welcome to the world Teddy x