AIBU to not go to midwife regarding reduced movement? *Poss TW?*

[booandbumpp]

Can someone please tell me what to do? Posting here for traffic.
I am 34 weeks pregnant - complicated pregnancy, baby has a severe CHD called Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome, and will need a surgery in the first week of life.
I also have high pressure in the placenta and am on weekly monitoring for that. Baby is measuring small due to this and I need to be induced early - at 37 weeks - if the pressure stays high, which it has consistently been for the last 5 weeks.
Baby will be borderline "big" enough for the surgery if born at 37 weeks. Can't keep him in longer, can't delay surgery, otherwise he will definitely die. Nothing I can do to help with the pressure in the placenta.
I've had reduced movement yesterday and today. He's never been the most active baby, but yesterday and today I've barely felt him. FMU consultant told me to watch out for this due to the pressure in placenta possibly getting higher and there being no forward flow of blood to baby.
I haven't yet - partly because I'm having two scans tomorrow - one with cardiologist, one with FMU consultants anyway, so I'll get answers then. Partly because I'm selfish - I'm scared, I don't want to miss another day of work, I don't want to drag my partner out of work to sit next to me for 4 hours at a maternity hospital.
And also because honestly what can they do? They induce me now because my placenta won't work properly, he'll still die because he won't be able to have surgery. They leave him in there with negative flow, he'll die, or stop growing.
I'm not crying, I'm barely upset, I'm just stuck. I feel so annoyed at myself for not being able to make a decision, but I guess thats because I feel like no matter what decision I make, its the same outcome.
SO, sorry that was longer than I expected. WWYD?

Aww yay!!! Keep the pictures and updates coming. He's on our minds and hearts everyday.

Thanks for the update boo. He’s really lovely and doing so well. Hoping for the best for you all

I’ve had an emotionally charged week but my word, reading that update has finished me off. I have everything crossed for you and your little boy. He’s so gorgeous.
Be kind to yourself, I hope you’re getting lots of real life support.

My 6 year old having a severe attack of whinging today seems very insignificant all of a sudden.

I have everything crossed for the best possible outcome. He really is gorgeous.

You really are great OP, and I think your baby is adorable. I am thinking of you.

Many years ago my new baby had a spell in cardiac ICU . Thankfully he did not require open heart surgery . I was so inspired at the time and subsequently during various admissions by parents like you. Your baby is born and within hours you have absorbed so much information about anatomy , physiology, surgical procedures and long term prognoses. You are able to cope and be proper parents to your little child without being frozen by fear . You are doing absolutely everything possible for Teddy and keeping your wits about you. You are a great example of the strength of human spirit.all the best to you all.

Oh Yikes, you have totally summed it up.
Well done to Boo.Makes one feel proud to be human.

That's great news! How lovely and Teddy can read the blog when he's older

What Yikes said. You're amazing xx

Yes your strength and ability to function are awe inspiring. Hope you are somehow getting some rest and decent real life support. Teddy is a sweetheart.

so pleased to see another update boo he is lovely xx

Been reading your updates and am so pleased to hear teddy is doing well.. My ds is now 7 and a half months and spent an unexpected week in nicu when he was born weighing 2.23kg back in March. You are doing fantastically well.. My son was tube fed for most of that week as they weren't sure what was going on and he couldn't come out of the incubator. I remember on about day 5 managing to express 10 mls.. I don't think I ever managed to do more than about 20mls.. Our nicu used to give ds the dummy when they were feeding him through the tube as they said it would help him associate sucking with then feeling full.
Hope you are all doing well today

It is lovely that you have a cautious but discernible 'spring in your step' in your update. Early days of course but reasons to be hopeful. And just look at Teddy's runkled forehead. Totally delicious. Fingers crossed for a contented and peaceful weekend.

Gorgeous pictures and attitude Boo. Sending for you and for Teddy. You are are an incredible mummy!

Just seen this thread. Congratulations and best of luck to you x

I've just seen this thread for the first time. Congratulations, what heartwarming photos. 

Congratulations OP 



@yikesanotherbooboo Thank you so much for your comment. It is lovely and made me all watery eyed ❤️

This thread is very nearly full so I've quickly created a blog that I will be posting updates on as regularly as I can. It will be good for me to remember the good stuff, and the bad, and if you want to follow further you can always pop over to it for pictures of the little Teddington Bear 🐻
The link is booandteddybear.wordpress.com

Teddy is still stable and a happy little chappy. He is such a sleepy and good baby. The doctor said his diagnosis is now borderline left ventricle with small mitral valve and hypoplastic and coarctation of the aorta. I might have mentioned this before, but the consultant went through us with it this morning so although the left side is smaller, it's not HLHS which is why things are looking so much more positive for us. Although the small mitral valve may swing for a single ventricle still so we can't rule it out.
The surgery is something for us to worry about when he gets to weight. For now, I'm enjoying cuddles, doing his care, and seeing his eyes open wide and look around.
I hope more and more that we'll be able to take him home and have wireless cuddles eventually. I am resigned to the fact that we'll probably be here till Christmas, maybe longer, but at least we'll be with him.

Thank you so much for the support I've received on this thread - from hand holds, to love from all over the world, to expression tips, and just general cheering me on. I can't express how much I've appreciated it.
❤️❤️❤️

Beautiful boy. All best wishes to you and your
Little family

Teddy is absolutely gorgeous booandbumpp. Looking forward to the blog updates. Take care

He’s gorgeous. Will definitely be following you for updates

I can’t see the blog 😔 Can anyone help out with a clicky link please?