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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not go to midwife regarding reduced movement? *Poss TW?*

999 replies

booandbumpp · 18/09/2018 07:52

Can someone please tell me what to do? Posting here for traffic.
I am 34 weeks pregnant - complicated pregnancy, baby has a severe CHD called Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome, and will need a surgery in the first week of life.
I also have high pressure in the placenta and am on weekly monitoring for that. Baby is measuring small due to this and I need to be induced early - at 37 weeks - if the pressure stays high, which it has consistently been for the last 5 weeks.
Baby will be borderline "big" enough for the surgery if born at 37 weeks. Can't keep him in longer, can't delay surgery, otherwise he will definitely die. Nothing I can do to help with the pressure in the placenta.
I've had reduced movement yesterday and today. He's never been the most active baby, but yesterday and today I've barely felt him. FMU consultant told me to watch out for this due to the pressure in placenta possibly getting higher and there being no forward flow of blood to baby.
I haven't yet - partly because I'm having two scans tomorrow - one with cardiologist, one with FMU consultants anyway, so I'll get answers then. Partly because I'm selfish - I'm scared, I don't want to miss another day of work, I don't want to drag my partner out of work to sit next to me for 4 hours at a maternity hospital.
And also because honestly what can they do? They induce me now because my placenta won't work properly, he'll still die because he won't be able to have surgery. They leave him in there with negative flow, he'll die, or stop growing.
I'm not crying, I'm barely upset, I'm just stuck. I feel so annoyed at myself for not being able to make a decision, but I guess thats because I feel like no matter what decision I make, its the same outcome.
SO, sorry that was longer than I expected. WWYD?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
ProseccoPoppy · 18/09/2018 08:10

Go, please. Although I can understand that it is scary and crap you also need to go on your own as there is nothing your DH can do to help so no point pulling him out of work. Good luck Flowers

popsanddolls · 18/09/2018 08:10

Go.... My son needed an operation in the first hour of his life and I was told I had to go no matter what. With my daughter I was told to go no matter what as well even if it was twice a day. Nothing else is important x

FaithInfinity · 18/09/2018 08:17

Definitely go! In your circumstances, I’d be thinking about starting my mat leave now to focus on the baby more. Hope things go okay.

Chocolala · 18/09/2018 08:19

You need to go. Don’t preempt what they can do for you, don’t assume they won’t be able to do anything. Your baby needs you to go in and get checked.

Flowers
apostropheuse · 18/09/2018 08:21

Go immediately, both for the sake of your baby - and for YOUR health too. Please.

babydreamer1 · 18/09/2018 08:21

OP please, you need to go, right now, they are the experts not you, so leave it up to them. They will do all they can to keep your baby alive, 34 weeks is a really good gestation and baby may be strong enough. Are you really willing to go through the trauma of stillbirth because you didn't want to miss work? How would your partner feel? You're responsible for this baby's life and you're not doing what you should be. Im very sorry to be so harsh but you need to act now before it's too late. I'm 37 weeks and also high risk with a poorly functioning placenta, I'd do anything to make sure my baby comes out ok and I think you will seriously regret doing nothing if the worst happens.

DoodleOodle · 18/09/2018 08:25

Definitely go. My DC was diagnosed with a different CHD during pregnancy and was delivered at 32 weeks by CS due to reduced movements. If I hadn't gone in he may not be here now. Go. You'll never forgive yourself if you don't and the worst happens.

LuluJakey1 · 18/09/2018 08:30

Go now.

LuluJakey1 · 18/09/2018 08:31

And Flowers . I am sorry things are so hard. It must be really tough.

butlerswharf · 18/09/2018 08:33

I'd go.

peachgreen · 18/09/2018 08:35

Oh OP. What an awful situation for you. I totally understand why you're scared. But I think you should go, you need to know you've done everything you can. And hopefully everything is totally fine. Thanks

Munchyseeds · 18/09/2018 08:37

PLEASE go!
Good luckFlowers

SkippedALightFandango · 18/09/2018 08:37

You poor darling. Just the fact you are posting here shows you know the answer. Please don’t make it easy to blame yourself if you have a sad outcome.

YeTalkShiteHen · 18/09/2018 08:37

I feel like no matter what decision I make, its the same outcome

When something is terrifying and overwhelming, it can be paralysing emotionally OP. I get it.

Please, please do go though. You don’t know what the answers are until you get there, and you’re seen. That’s the scary part.

You can do this. Flowers

Pythonesque · 18/09/2018 08:40

I'm with everyone saying go in. I just wanted to add, though, that my thoughts are with you as I know enough about this to understand that you are on a long hard road whatever happens. Wishing you strength for any decisions that need to be made, and that you will have enough specific information to feel at peace with the outcomes, whether that be going ahead with surgery or, if necessary, letting go.

I once had the incredible privilege of accompanying a mother with her newborn on a transfer to the cardiac unit. On initial treatment the baby was stable enough for her to keep a hand on her throughout the transfer and, knowing the multiple surgeries ahead, that was a very precious time.

Very best wishes.

SinkGirl · 18/09/2018 08:44

Please go. I know how scary it is and what that sort of emotional paralysis feels like. One of my twins stopped moving and I didn’t know. I just felt awful and took a lot of convincing to get checked out which saved his life.

The doctors are the experts but they need all the information. Fuck work. Please please go.

jaseyraex · 18/09/2018 08:47

Please go now OP. Tomorrow is too far away.

ForLikeEver · 18/09/2018 08:50

Please do go and get checked out. The medical professionals will do their very best by you and your baby, but if they don’t see you in good time (ie, when there may be concerns over reduced movement) then they can’t help.

My thoughts are with you - sending strength and good wishes.

maddening · 18/09/2018 08:57

Go for sure, good luck x

Quantumblue · 18/09/2018 09:05

Go. It is a hard road ahead, clearly but this is the right thing to do now.

RainbowsArePretty · 18/09/2018 09:06

Please go now and get checked out. Reduced movements are too big a risk and they can look after you both

minisoksmakehardwork · 18/09/2018 09:15

Oh sweetheart you need to go and get checked out. Either way you are stuck and I know that. Sadly this is one time when you can't just bury your head in the sand and hope it all goes away 😢

FWIW, and I know the situation is a lot less critical than yours, I was pregnant with twins. Twin 1 was showing slow growth and low fluids from about 30 weeks. I was in the consultant's office every single week for scans and a 'will we deliver or not' discussion. It was hell turning up and not knowing which way it would go. In the end my twins arrived at 36+5, spontaneous labour. So they won't want baby out unless their changes are less positive inside.

They might keep you in for monitoring, they might put you on bed rest. But they won't want baby out unless it is absolutely critical. They will want baby to have the best possible chance, including being strong enough for surgery.

ShakeVigorously · 18/09/2018 09:16

I'm so sorry you're in this situation op Thanks
Definitely go and get baby checked, let the Drs and midwives take a bit of the weight off your shoulders.

gilmoregal · 18/09/2018 09:20

Oh darling you're in an awful situation but please do go in to triage and allow the professionals to take the weight off your shoulders and make the decisions for you as they know what's best.

Please let us know how you get on, thinking of you.

TheHeartOfTafiti · 18/09/2018 09:23

I’m so sorry you’re in this situation, you must feel completely powerless, I can’t imagine the emotional burden you have. I completely understand your thought process but I think you know you have to go - whatever the outcome you can’t sit at work all day going through this alone, you need to know. Take your partner and head up to the hospital where you can get the support and reassurance you need. All the best for you and your little one

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