AIBU to not go to midwife regarding reduced movement? *Poss TW?*

[booandbumpp]

Can someone please tell me what to do? Posting here for traffic.
I am 34 weeks pregnant - complicated pregnancy, baby has a severe CHD called Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome, and will need a surgery in the first week of life.
I also have high pressure in the placenta and am on weekly monitoring for that. Baby is measuring small due to this and I need to be induced early - at 37 weeks - if the pressure stays high, which it has consistently been for the last 5 weeks.
Baby will be borderline "big" enough for the surgery if born at 37 weeks. Can't keep him in longer, can't delay surgery, otherwise he will definitely die. Nothing I can do to help with the pressure in the placenta.
I've had reduced movement yesterday and today. He's never been the most active baby, but yesterday and today I've barely felt him. FMU consultant told me to watch out for this due to the pressure in placenta possibly getting higher and there being no forward flow of blood to baby.
I haven't yet - partly because I'm having two scans tomorrow - one with cardiologist, one with FMU consultants anyway, so I'll get answers then. Partly because I'm selfish - I'm scared, I don't want to miss another day of work, I don't want to drag my partner out of work to sit next to me for 4 hours at a maternity hospital.
And also because honestly what can they do? They induce me now because my placenta won't work properly, he'll still die because he won't be able to have surgery. They leave him in there with negative flow, he'll die, or stop growing.
I'm not crying, I'm barely upset, I'm just stuck. I feel so annoyed at myself for not being able to make a decision, but I guess thats because I feel like no matter what decision I make, its the same outcome.
SO, sorry that was longer than I expected. WWYD?

Good morning. Glad you got a reasonable rest. Here's hoping things happen today. So glad you are in hospital and everything is ready for you xx

Found and read this whole thread this morning. You sound incredible and strong and an awe inspiring mum to your little man. I definitely had something in my eye while reading some of your posts.
Hope things progress smoothly today and glad you’re getting rest. Sending from by the North sea!

You’re doing so well. Really, you are.

Hopefully not much longer now. I keep coming back and checking for an update, thinking of you 💐

Good luck today OP. I hope today's the day for you. With a slow induction you get to the stage where you think sod it, just give me a section don't you

Glad you git some sleep

I’m so glad you got a bit of sleep, it’s so important to get as much as you can x

Morning boo, glad you got some sleep. Really hope you get some progression today! Xx

Oh and you are doing amazingly well. Your little boy is very lucky to have such a strong mummy xx

Good luck Boo, I'm checking in and thinking about you in Hampshire

Hopefully things will "get going" today, you must be fed up of all the waiting.

Thinking of you and your son from NZ too, I hope you get to meet him soon

Any news? I didn’t progress after all that pessary so had a c section but it was absolutely fine and I recovered really well.

Ds was 100 million % worth it all. The most magical thing in the world is about to happen to you! So exciting

No news yet! Been bouncing on the ball for a while to see if it might encourage anything. It might end in c section - I'm just trying to stay fluid and positive. If it does end up in c section then I don't mind too much - although the drains and recovery doesn't sound too pleasant!
Thank you for the music @lborgia - I will listen to that when my mum and DP go for their afternoon run and swim (they're doing anything to stay entertained and decided to train for a 10K while they're here 😅 I'm kind of jealous).
I've been given stuff to try hand expressing too. Tried it for 10 minutes and got bored so think I might have to watch a American Horror Story episode and try for the full length this evening! Any one have any tips for hand expressing feel free to let me know!
I'm feeling ok today really - I'm trying to limit my social media time a bit today as I spent so much time on my phone yesterday and I think that's what effected my mood and my sleep! So lots of reading, napping, and some walks around the hospital to distract me.
Thank you for the love again everyone. I think this thread is really helping me and keeping me focused and positive.

Hi keep going you are doing greet. I kept trying to think of my little baby when hand expressing before as I think I read somewhere it can help? Xxx

I'm not anywhere as exotic as PP, but thinking of you in cloudy North London

Are you trying to hand express now or are you thinking ahead? I pumped for my babies in nicu and I found looking at photos of them and sniffing their clothes/blankets etc helped.

Just think about feeding baby and listen for the cry's of other babies that would set me off plus nipple stimulation 😂 sounds so dodgy but supposedly it helps bring on contractions too.

Thinking of you and your bump Boo, I'm amazed by your strength and love that you are already showing for your little one. I hope that you get your cuddles soon xxx

Thinking of you, wishing you and your babe all the luck in the world x

Hand expressing can be really tough so don’t be too hard on yourself. Lots of rest and distraction is what you need! My c section was actually ok, I didn’t have to have drains and the pain was certainly no worse than episiotomy/tear stitches so don’t worry xx

and massive handhold from Denmark here too. Just read the thread and I'm so moved. You're a sweet, strong woman and I'm thinking of you x

Lots of luck, hope you're doing ok x

I watched a great YouTube video on hand expressing, it really helped. (That's not much use when I don't have the link but I think it is out there!) Best of luck OP, thinking of you and bump.

I’ve had 4 c sections and they’ve all been lovely. If if it comes to that, I wish the same for you.

Still thinking of you!