To feel slightly embarrassed to say which university my daughter is at?

[sheepdontfly]

Can no one start shouting horrible things to me please? I'm wondering if anyone else knows what I mean and can tell me that they have felt the same or similar.

My daughter has started university this September and so have lots of my friends children. Also her older sibling went to one of the best unis for their subject and a lot of my friends know this, so they automatically are interested in my daughters university. I mentioned it to the first friend and their response was "oh, isn't that really far down in the boards, why did she pick there?" And I was a bit surprised at someone replying that and since I haven't really wanted to tell people where she goes.

I did say to another friend and although she didn't say the same, she did say "well yes quite hard to get into good unis nowadays" and now I'm extremely conscious of it.

Why do you care? I got into West Minster and turned them down to go to a less snobby uni. So glad I did! I made so many cultured friends and felt it gave me a much better start in life.....it was also a lot cheaper! Even 15 years ago I was looking at about 10 grand a year cheaper! I think you need to get over it and be proud of her decision, she got good a level grades and made her first big adult decision....what uni to go to! This should be celebrated

I can't help wondering if op banged on about her first child's amazing uni, that much that the friends feel they are getting their own back a bit.

Ok come on, you are letting yourself be embarrassed by your second child. For nothing.

I forgot to say I had an offer from RG uni, but I know I can't do that style of teching.
Trust me. Sometimes non rg are just better suited.
Let's face it though. This RG status thing might hopefully disappear in few years and people will actually go fo unies according to their rating rather than just going blindly for RG.

Wow, your friends sound like arses Nd it’s really not their business! I turned down Oxbridge to go to a uni that was barely in the top 20 because of the course combo I wanted and had an amazing time. And met lovely ‘normal’ people not snobs. Your daughter is smart enough to go to university- be proud of her.

Wow the question should be 'Am I being unreasonable to look for better friends'! Your daughter might be very successful in life, regardless of which University she goes to; she will still have a degree at the end of this, which lots of people don't have and she might even end up being a higher earner/more successful that your other daughter.

PS. A friend of mine went to a former poly, finished his degree, then his masters and a PhD and is now a senior lecturer on a high salary at 30.

I mentioned it to the first friend and their response was "oh, isn't that really far down in the boards, why did she pick there?" And I was a bit surprised at someone replying that and since I haven't really wanted to tell people where she goes.

Not RTFT, but your friends are knobs and yes, YABU to give a shit what they think and to subsequently not want to say where your dd goes!
Ignore 'em.

Hertfordshire has Gold level TEF and a really high NSS score so actually I would say it’s a wise choice!

Your friends are cunts. Their education counts for nothing when they are charmless. Find new friends. Seriously.

RG is a lazy shorthand for quality - which it doesn't necessarily supply. RG was formed by a group of Vice Chancellors who were sitting in Russell Square (hence the name) having dinner. You can only be a RG uni if you have a medical school and pay a lot of money to be in the club. It's a load of bollocks.

There are many non-RG unis that rank much higher and provide much better prospects for their students career wise. Employers are generally uninterested in the university. They are interested in the result and what they have done outside of the academic side of their degree.

Your friends are wankers - you should look for new friends. You should also be immensely proud of your daughter. I hope she has a fantastic time and that she does really well. You also shouldn't be embarrassed - I hope your daughter doesn't see this.

I went to Middlesex. It was a poly when I went but was a uni by the time I left. The degrees my dd is looking at are pretty scarce and 1 of the places that offers it is Hertfordshire. We live quite near there so she's flat out refused to even go and look at it unfortunately, even though I'd be happy for her to go there. If the course is good, I wouldn't worry too much about what other people think of the university.

RG university group was set up by a set of institutions working on their own behalf ( &, of course, for their students). Not every course in each of them is top notch. They are seen by many as the be-all and end-all - not the case. A bit like assuming anyone who doesn’t shop in Waitrose is poorly fed. What you need OP is a suitable riposte to such attitudes of superiority. Eg, to your “friends,” (who don’t sound like it frankly), say, “If every course was perceived as so upmarket, you would have no bragging rights,” or, more directly, “Oh, so university attendance is a superiority thing for parents rather than the appropriate courses for students - I hadn’t realised.” Good luck to your DD. Tell them you are proud of her, that she is happy and confident of success. Sheesh!

OP I think you need to turn these comments around and say something along the lines of 'gosh that is an old fashioned view you have, I'm surprised at you.

There are many good universities. Some of the RG are over rated and live on their past reputation. There would be no progression or change if everyone only went to RG and many places are reserved for oversees students.

Head high and be proud

So people are going into managerial positions 6 months after graduating? That explains a lot....

I think OP is very similar to her friends and probably would have the same reaction if he friends were in that position. The fact she feels the need to mention it on MN. I think any ‘normal’ person would just be proud their child was actually going to uni.

They're not your friends. Be proud of her. X

Idk how it all works there but I'd say be proud of your daughter!If someone gives you any less than "congratulations",then I'd boot them right out of my life!
Your daughter is doing great things with her life! Support that, it's your job!!!!

Oh please don’t let other people’s meanness take the shine off your daughter’s achievements.

Do you think they were jealous of your other children?

Competitive parenting. It stinks. Just tell them it's where she wants to go and you're both very happy about it and don't elaborate.

When my son got some exam results a few years ago, a relative that had barely spoken to us in years saw the rough results in the paper and rang me to say, 'ooh hasn't your X done well?' I was a mix of pleasently surprised and suspicious. She then asked me for the full details, he wasn't top of the board by any means, but I was happy to share. She then asked me to repeat them, and I got the distinct impression she was writing them down. She went on to tell me the results her friend's daughter had got, and to gleefully remark that the freind's DD would not be able to pursue the path she had planned out. She then made it clear that she was going to rub it in using MY son's results - someone she hadn't even seen in years as we hadn't been talking. Suffice to say we're not now!

While my example is extreme, I have seen so much of this. Believe me there's way more to success and happiness in life than exam results. Support your own in whatever they do and be proud of them. And don't let the B's grind you down!

.......And the amount of people who don't even go university. Revaluate your circle I would say.

In the words of Blackadder:

I then leapt on the opportunity to test you. I asked if he'd been to one of the great universities, Oxford, Cambridge, or Hull.

Nurse Mary: Well?

Captain Blackadder: You failed to spot that only two of those are great Universities.

Nurse Mary: Swine!

General Melchett: That's right! Oxford's a complete dump!

You need to be your DD's defender. Ditch your 'friends' and talk about your DD's achievements proudly. BCC is nothing to be ashamed of!

I went to a uni ‘down the ranks’ even though I had good A-levels. I just loved the feel of the place when I went to visit and instantly felt at home. I met my now husband there whilst in Fresher’s week and 14 years later he now has a successful business that enables us to live a great life. Two of my ex-housemates are high level marketing executives for big multi-national companies and another holds a place in an important legal position. My point is...rankings mean little. If you’re determined to succeed and work hard you can achieve great things...your friends sound incredibly rude and snooty. If they can’t share your joy and pride in your daughter then perhaps find some that do? Your daughter will be aware that she hasn’t followed in her sisters footsteps so to speak, don’t add fuel to the fire by making her feel like she’s underachieved.

My first degree was at a very ‘good’ university.
My second one at a ‘not so good’ one.

I rated the teaching at the second one more.

Plus who gives two hoots? It’s about what’s best for your DD.

Hertfordshire is a great university for biology. I work in the pharmaceutical field and know several who studied there. Maybe your friends should do their research better.