Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel slightly embarrassed to say which university my daughter is at?

327 replies

sheepdontfly · 17/09/2018 16:00

Can no one start shouting horrible things to me please? I'm wondering if anyone else knows what I mean and can tell me that they have felt the same or similar.

My daughter has started university this September and so have lots of my friends children. Also her older sibling went to one of the best unis for their subject and a lot of my friends know this, so they automatically are interested in my daughters university. I mentioned it to the first friend and their response was "oh, isn't that really far down in the boards, why did she pick there?" And I was a bit surprised at someone replying that and since I haven't really wanted to tell people where she goes.

I did say to another friend and although she didn't say the same, she did say "well yes quite hard to get into good unis nowadays" and now I'm extremely conscious of it.

OP posts:
Greyhound22 · 17/09/2018 20:01

I went to less well thought of uni and did Biology. I got the same grades as your daughter - I was expected to do better but I struggled with my mental health throughout college. So all my friends went to off to oxbridge and I went to the 'crap' uni and stayed at home.

I had a fabulous time. Made lifelong friends and have done much better than I ever thought I would although my role isn't to do with the subject I studied. I have friends who did the same at the same 'crap' uni and they have great jobs.

You need new friends - they must have some major insecurities to come out with that. I don't know what's wrong with people - what happened to saying 'how lovely - bet she has a great time' or similar.

Winebottle · 17/09/2018 20:17

It is rude to put people down by pointing it out but they are not wrong. She got BCC so is hardly a high flying academic.

It is much more embarrassing to make it out that it is something by saying things like "she is going to x poly which is actually top ten in the country for her course" or "it has a 90% employment rate" or worst of all not mentioning the fact that is the poly when there is another uni in the same city.

It's not a great course. She may be successful in spite of that or she may not.

DeathBySnoring · 17/09/2018 20:20

I didn't go to Uni. I bailed half way through my A Levels as I'd just had enough of studying and couldn't bear the thought of another 4 years of it. I have no regrets whatsoever.

But I'm now in a more senior, responsible and well paying job than most of my friends who did go to Uni as a result of on the job training and professional qualifications.

Ignore them OP. If she's happy there and enjoying the course it matters not what anyone else thinks. And as a recruiter for my very large organisation we do not judge anyone by the Uni they went to. It doesn't even register. We score against competency examples. That's it. You could have attended the University of Royston Vasey, but if your application is strong enough you'll get an interview.

tolerable · 17/09/2018 20:22

op. i didnt mean to sound horrible or upset you.i just realisedd,in my haste i may have.shit happens. //the friends=fuck d'em. x

MadMum101 · 17/09/2018 20:22

Being an insufferable snob myself, I am very smug when I say that DD studies in at Cambridge whilst channelling Hyacinth Bouquet. Just a slight slip of the tongue.

Of course I have to come clean but just for a moment......Grin

WhitefriarsDillyDuck · 17/09/2018 20:23

I didn't even know I went to a RG uni until I read it on mumsnet. It has made no difference to my life or job prospects.

My brightest child went to the "worst' uni but it suits them, small, can live on campus in halls for 3 years, work placement with the company she wants.

9amtrain · 17/09/2018 20:24

Replace your stuck up friends. Problem solved...

Allabitmuchisntit · 17/09/2018 20:25

You should be embarrassed about your friends, not your daughters choice of uni.

iamyourequal · 17/09/2018 20:31

Your friends are snobs who should keep their offensive opinions inside their narrow minds. I did my undergrad degree at a large Russell group uni. There was a terrible lack of support for nervous newbies like me who lacked confidence. It also seemed really stretched and underfunded. We used to attend one lecture via cctv as they couldn’t fit us all into the lecture hall, you really were just a number. By contrast I did a post-grad at a smaller new uni and it was a much more fulfilling experience. Tonnes of tuition time, much smaller groups (of course this was partly due to it being a post-grad) and highly accessible, non-pompous lecturers. I would never write off a uni based on league tables. If they encourage and support students it makes all the difference.

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 17/09/2018 20:36

Where I come from the “poly”’really does piss all over the “ancient” (and it is ancient, established 1495) and I’d say that nowadays to come from that part of the world and not attend the “poly” means you’re at the “less-good” uni.

Heaven knows if I’d not been such a snob and gone there instead of the ancient I know I’d have ended up with a job much much better suited to the one I have now that I feel like an imposter in and struggle with.

PamPooveysCow · 17/09/2018 20:38

Don't be embarrassed about your daughter, be embarrassed about your friends.

I have degrees from both Russell Grouo and 'way down the boards'. The RG didn't open more doors than the other one.

BitchQueen90 · 17/09/2018 20:39

I didn't go to university at all.

If my DS decides to go I'll tell everyone proudly no matter which one he is at. If he decides not to go then I'll be equally as happy.

I often feel like I'm in a different world on MN. Makes me grateful for my friends. I can't be arsed with this "keeping up appearances" crap, sounds exhausting.

Starlings27 · 17/09/2018 20:44

They’re all so fucking smug about “the establishments” they attended, they forgot to remember how to be nice people.

This could have described me for years! It's only after having a little boy of my own that I've become more compassionate and less academia-focused. He's only 3 but I don't want him to think his only value to me is how well I do at school. My parents were loving and nice but I was very obviously bright very young, and a lot of emphasis was placed on antaibnent to me, to the extent that my self-esteem was very firmly wrapped up in being 'the clever one'. I think they should have placed a little more emphasis on being kind when I was growing up.

Starlings27 · 17/09/2018 20:44

*how well HE does at school, I meant.

PamPooveysCow · 17/09/2018 20:46

I don't know if this has been said, but Herts got a gold award in the Teaching Excellence Framework- this measures student satisfaction, grades, employability etc. Only 3 RG unis got this, I think.

ladymariner · 17/09/2018 20:46

The uni that ds went to is way down the list but he had such a fantastic time, he loved every minute, made some lifelong friends and is now a chartered accountant. Couldn't be prouder of him. Your 'friends' are utter nobs.

Languageofkindness · 17/09/2018 20:46

Gawd it’s ridiculous - I went to an ex poly and am now in a very senior management role. We take on many new grads every year from ex poly and red brick and I can quite honestly say it’s the hard work and common sense they apply to the roles that put them in good stead, and this seems to be regardless of uni they went to.

INeedNewShoes · 17/09/2018 20:48

It's a good job my parents didn't care about stuff like this. My siblings and I all went to lower-ranked universities. One of us with naff A level grades following illness, one of us because the very niche course was only offered at a former poly, and one of us because we preferred the sound of the modules on offer at the chosen uni.

All three of us have done ok, two of us running our own businesses and the other with a well-paid job in finance.

I really don't think it matters unless someone wants to go into politics or similar.

SlimDogMillionaire · 17/09/2018 20:50

Don't ever be embarrassed about something like that.

Fuck them!

Didsomeonesaybunny · 17/09/2018 20:51

It’s a massive accomplishment for some kids to get those grades and go to university. I say be proud of your daughter and shout it from the rooftops.

Mustbebetween · 17/09/2018 20:52

Just to say:

NEVER heard of "Russell Group" until I joined MN.

Don't think my degree is from one, still have a high profile job most would kill for.

As the person who now hires I honest to god don't check which Uni, just that they have the capability to get a degree and seem to have the right attitude.

It's total horseshit and you need to back up your daughters choices not seem ashamed of it to some judgemental idiots!

Ellapaella · 17/09/2018 21:08

My 'university' wasn't a fancy one. I'm doing pretty well in my chosen career (if I do say so myself Smile). Your friends sound like those kind of people who are obsessed with their offspring's academic success like its the only thing that matters in life.
I measure my children's success in terms of how happy they are. As long as they've tried their best and are content that's all that matters. BCC are still worthy grades!
If your daughter is happy and fulfilled that's all that matters. If she's determined and works hard nothing will hold her back.

Ellapaella · 17/09/2018 21:10

Oh yes and like @Mustbebetween I also interview and select employees as part of my role. I don't pay much attention to what university they graduated from. All I want to know is if they meet the specifications for the role and how they perform at interview.

Monkee4 · 17/09/2018 21:19

you really do need new friends

Doilooklikeatourist · 17/09/2018 21:24

I don’t even know what RG uni means
DS went to a former poly , got a first ,and is doing extremely well Thankyou
DD did a fun degree at a low uni , and is now having a year off before going travelling , and then doing a Masters
Most people aren’t as shallow as your so called friend

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.