To not want to move to the other side of the world

[noprobllamas]

DP has always wanted to move to Australia, he has some family there (his uncle moved there years ago and started a family) so he has been there many times. We agreed that perhaps we'd move there in some years time, when we have more money, it sounded like a nice idea but unrealistic at least for many years. So DH worked hard, started a career and saved. Last year we decided to go on holiday there, I loved it but i just couldn't see myself living there, we were there for about 3 weeks and i felt quite homesick towards the end. He's been saying we could move this time next year, I've said I don't think I want to and he's annoyed because I'm holding him back from his dreams apparently. I've always lived in the same town, the thought of living so far away scares me a bit honestly. I'm not sure whether this is the best thing for our two DD's, what the education system is like there. There's also that we can either live comfortable here or be tight for money in Australia. I don't really want to move from family and friends either

I live in Australia and am Australian, and have had many friends for the UK come here and then go back to England because they don't like it and miss home.

To be honest, we are a little bit different in Oz and I think people from the UK are pretty tight knit and come here and realise that Australian people are very insular and we keep to ourselves.

It is a total change of lifestyle for you, everything is different here from the UK (I lived there for 4 years). We have nice weather but it is a very very expensive country to live in, especially Sydney, Melbourne and Perth.

The school system is very different to the UK and I know a lot of my friends have been disappointed with the quality of education here.

When I came home, I actually had a hard time adjusting back into the Australian way of life and wished I had remained in the UK. I have adjusted now, but honestly I do wish I had stayed, much more going on, people are more friendly and there is a sense of strong community in the UK.

Now that I've had children, I have realised that it is so important to have that family and social network around you. If you feel you would really miss home I can't see that ever going if you come to live here.

Just my two cents anyway!!

Agreed that you can't let this run on any longer. You need to speak up. It sounds like you are used to not stating your opinion - do you expect your dh to understand subtle signals? Perhaps he normally does, but this is different because he wants it so much. He needs to understand that you will not move and that if he goes, it will be without you and by the sound of it, without his daughters. Don't let him be in ignorance any more, it's not fair.

His plans sound remarkably vague for something that's been his dream for years. 'Looking into it' - so does he even know if they want people in his area of work? Is he retraining if not? Has he got a city in mind?

@TOPCAT Of course living in another country is just the same shit with different weather.

This is kind of what I was driving at, you've said it better.

I do accept that I sound a miserable cow and people should follow their dreams, etc. I get asked all the time about why don't I want to move back to the US and people ALWAYS mention the bad weather here and other banalities. I feel like saying this is my life as an adult with children and a partner you're talking about not a gap year, retirement or extended holiday. (Yeah, I'll exchange better weather for no NHS/maternity leave/etc any day...[hmmm])

To be fair - the OPs DH may have more of 'plan' for what he's after than the OP has described here. It could be he's articulating it well and has been all this time but she hasn't been taking it in/ properly listening (sorry OP.)

Maybe the DH should start his own thread.

Hi,
Having just done the exact opposite, moving from NZ to the UK, I would say that unless you are BOTH 100% on board, I'd really not do it.

It's hard. Damned hard.

The reality is ALWAYS going to be harder than how you picture it.

For us, in particular, with two girls aged 12 and 14, the stress of getting them into the education system, and the worry of how this is going to impact on them, has been immense. (It's their first day today, so I'm shitting bricks as to how it goes for them!) I don't know how old your children are, but it's a definite factor as to where they are at in their schooling - this was the very last year we could contemplate this, as DD14 is staring down the barrel of new country, new culture (and it is, we speak the same language, but it's still a heck of a culture shock), new school - oh, and GCSE's. No biggie.

It is very different on holiday in contrast to dealing with real life - dealing with taxes, setting up services, getting into school, work, finding somewhere to live, setting up a household for scratch - waiting and hoping for the stuff you ship to eventually catch up with you. . . we came over for a three month secondment to determine whether we could do it. We were still cocooned from all the above, in our AirBnB, and 'homeschooling' (which we were very slack at!).

Even giving it a go for a year - huge expense and disruption. And if you're strong family folk, and you don't have strong family links over there, that's going to be a major factor.

(Sorry for the novel.)

Thinking it through properly this could be really good for us and I'd love some nice weather, I absolutely hate the winter here. Our DD's might love it there (they really enjoyed the holiday). It's a big risk though. DD's are 4 and 11, one having just starting primary and the other secondary, they've settled so much better than i imagined. I can't possibly know for sure how this would turn out and i can't easily change my mind once we're there which is why it's easier to say no

School wise, it would be a good time as the oldest could start secondary school from the start and the younger primary from the start.

OP - please read your last sentence over again

“I can’t possibly be sure .... which is why it’s easier to say no”

Well, once you tell your husband that, what do you think he will say? How will he feel? You’ve said in the past to him you would go, you know he has been saving to go - but because you can’t be sure, it’s easier to say no.

I’m not English. I moved here from another country to be with my husband (then boyfriend) who has desperately wanted to live in my original country. He lived there for two years and really couldn’t hack it, so moved back. He was alone. Knew no one.

I moved here to be with him. I decided to really make it my home. If you go with a positive attitude, it’ll work. You’ll not be alone, you’ll be with your husband and children.

There’s also lots of expats there too for support if you need it.

I'm not humouring him, he simply thinks I'll change my mind eventually

Then you need to make it clear. 'I will not ever move to Australia. I don't want to go.' Which is what you should have done years ago.

There's no way I'd have even said 'one day'. And you shouldn't go. It's not for you. Even if you had agreed, you're allowed to change your mind.