AIBU to lend her the money?

[PixieBob28]

First off thanks for reading. I can't discuss this with anyone else, especially not my husband as he will automatically say no and isn't a very understanding soul.

A bit of background, my husband and I both work but I am currently on maternity leave with our first baby. We just get by every month, we don't have any debt, we have a small amount of savings. We do struggle and don't have much of a social life but we are ok, our little one has everything he needs so that's the main thing. We are just very careful with money.

Now my parents aren't that great with money. I don't know how and I don't know why but they are in a lot of debt. Like eye-watering amount. I'm very open minded about the fact that shit happens in life and sometimes people do get themselves into unwanted situations.

So my mum has to leave her current flat as soon as possible, they can't pay the rent because my dad has just lost his job. It's so bad that they are contemplating splitting up. However there is a friend of a friend that will let them rent their room annex house if they can get £250 for rent for the time being until they get themselves back on their feet. If that's the case they can move in next week.

But of course they have NO money. Nothing. Not even possessions they can sell. They can't get a loan, can't borrow from any other family as my grandparents have lent to them before and now they refuse to. Problem is this isn't the first time they have been in a situation like this but this time there isn't anywhere to get this money.

So do I lend her the £250? I wouldn't tell my husband but I have some birthday money and money I have saved for Christmas that I can give them. I would make it clear they need to pay me back but it probably won't be for another couple of months. Its a bit rubbish because selfishly I want to get my hair done for my birthday and buy a few bits that I wouldn't be able to (I never ever treat myself and get my hair done once a year) if I leant it to her.

Luckily my dad has been offered another job and will start next month so no money will be coming in before then. Just so happy he has managed to find another job so soon though.

I often lend them money like £20-£50 and they always pay it back but my husband hates it. I too gave them £50 recently to keep as my mum has been wonderful helping me look after my baby as I haven't been very well and it's cost her loads in petrol to and from the hospital. My husband and I got into a bit of an argument about this though saying I shouldn't be giving my money away and we could have spent it on us or our baby.

His family are lucky to be financially stable, they always pay for things on days out and often buy our son things he may need without us even asking. They never take money we offer them and to my husband this is the norm.

To me family is everything. And money is just money but because my husband and his family have never got themselves into anything like this and are very by the book he doesn't understand and just sees my parents as a liability and irresponsible.

Of course I love my parents, they are great to us and the emotional support I get from them is worth more than anything.

So what would you do? Not offer the money, keep your husband happy, and treat yourself for your birthday or offer them the money, go without for a few months but know your parents have a roof over their heads?

Help please

You'll get them through this mess then what about next time?
You shouldn't have to lie to your dh, you know what he will say
How will you feel if it goes wrong between parents & your friend - you'll be in the middle.
It's not nice but i wouldn't get involved

Before you consider giving them this money, explore with them what their options REALLY are - what's the reality of the situation? Because there'll be a reason the job was 'lost'

Funny how it's never gradual issues but 'we need The money now or else we'll be homeless' because it takes ages to evict people.

Considering they're asking a favour, they're not really in a position to object.

Look into if they are entitled to any benefits, if they're actually being evicted etc.

Be prepared you may be unpleasantly surprised to find things aren't as dire as they're claiming, or they've done something ridiculous.

Then If they do need the money only offer it IF

You tell your husband - secrets in a marriage are never a good idea.

You can afford to spare it because let's be honest they are VERY unlikely to pay it back.

I'd also be tempted to make their going to a debt advice agency and ACTING on the advice as a condition.

I'm on a very tight budget but it sounds like they're plain irresponsible! Why did the job get 'lost'?

Just to address a misunderstanding - council aren't obliged to house them if it's their own fault.

There's also the point of why the "friend of a friend" would risk renting to them if they know there's absolutely no money - are they expecting you to be the fallback if DPs don't pay?

It's possible of course that DPs have insisted everything will be okay from next month because of the new job, in the same way the quickly-found new job has appeared at the exact point they've asked you to step in

Ignore me if I'm completely off the mark here, but do you actually know that the new job exists - and do you have any confidence that it will make much difference even if it does?

I would lend them the money in a heartbeat. They're your parents. They sound like lovely people who have made some mistakes with money. It happens. £250 isn't a huge amount in the grand scheme of things. But I would tell your husband (not ask) what you're doing. It's your money that you've saved and you've got every right to use it to help out your mum and dad. And if he kicks off, I would say you have a DH problem not a parent problem.