Bread related fury

[BlackAmericanoNoSugar]

AIBU to think that there should be some sort of mandatory punishment for people who use a bread knife for anything other than cutting bread? I think a short, sharp flogging would be punishment enough. For instance, this morning someone (DH almost certainly, he's a known knife-related CF) used it to spread marmalade.

And also, not punishable because some people genuinely can't help it, I think that learning to cut even awkwardly shaped loaves of bread in a vertical line is a necessary life skill. And any grown man (or woman, but in this house it's a male problem) who can't should be ashamed of himself and have to wait hungrily until the resident straight cutter finishes her lie-in to have morning toast.

I hardly ever start an AIBU thread, but I'm feeling a bit masochistic so am up for the character assassination that will surely follow. The bigger the logical leap in the assumption about my personality the better, 'controlling' and 'unpleasant' are too obvious, so I have already done that for you.

Up until reading your post I had no idea a breadknife existed.

Marmalade with a bread knife?

Chop his head off with it and put him in a pie, that'll teach him.

And also, not punishable because some people genuinely can't help it, I think that learning to cut even awkwardly shaped loaves of bread in a vertical line is a necessary life skill. And any grown man (or woman, but in this house it's a male problem) who can't should be ashamed of himself and have to wait hungrily until the resident straight cutter finishes her lie-in to have morning toast.

That’s almost impossible for left handers (unless they have a left handed bread knife).

You're joking, surely, Waitingonasmiley. Are you up for a MN flogging too?!

YANBU OP, I would ltb over that. I bet he licked it too

That’s almost impossible for left handers (unless they have a left handed bread knife). The lefties in this house manage just fine. You just need to try harder.

Are bread knives handed? I’m a lefty and cut pretty straight slices from any old loaf

TittyGolightly my Mum is left-handed and is the one who instilled in me the necessity of learning to cut straight from a very young age. Her slices are at right angles to the bread board and perfectly even thickness the whole way through. I think her bread knife is an ordinary one as the rest of the family is right handed and also used it.

My name is Woolly and I am a knife protectionist. I get the rage when people DH, always DH use the carving knife to cut melon.

Wow. Perhaps there are strains of handedness.

Yes. Knives are handed. Eg, DH spreads butter from right to left thus using the smooth side of a table knife. I spread from left to right thus using the serrated side.

I accidentally bought a left-handed breadknife while shopping for the camping kit. Took a big chunk out of my hand as it whipped sideways unexpectedly through a crusty roll, then tried to do it again... I puzzled over it for ages, then compared it with the home one and the sharpening scallops are on the other side.

Your DH is a knifey fucker and YANBU at all !

Mine have been known to cut cake with my ancient but excellent bread knife and then pop it back in the drawer, sticky and disgusting. I can frequently be heard yelling that the little shits won't have access to it anymore if they can't stop misusing it

We usually have sliced bread (I know, heathans) so it was a good ten years into our marriage before I realised DH is a superb bread cutter. Which is fortunate for him because when our breadknife goes missing, it can usually be found in the garden having been used for trimming plants or weeding between paving stones. No kitchen implement is safe from my own Monty Don [facepalm].

I'm a leftie and my own bread slicing skills are fine.

At least it was only marmalade. I sometimes use the cutlery draw to remove paint tin lids or stir paint.

I think you have too much time on your hands.

If you want sliced bread you buy pre sliced. Non sliced bread is for breaking up in to chunks

I’ve got a bread knife that can be left or right handed. It’s ace. Both me n DH can use it with no wonkyness ensuing.

And I have a left handed corkscrew which has given me literally minutes of entertainment watching a right hander struggle with it. I also have a right handed one - I'm not a monster.

Does anyone here own an electric bread knife? If so, do they cut easier without squashing bread?

I am an expert bread cutter (raised on bakery bread in a family who liked to get a lot of slices out of a loaf). DH and the kids just massacre the bread every time they help themselves. Drives me mad.

I have a goodgrips breadknife with an angled handle like a saw.

waitingonasmiley42, but what do you cut bread with, then? Normal sharp knives really don't work.

Does anyone here own an electric bread knife? If so, do they cut easier without squashing bread?

Yes and yes.

Another lefty here and I'm definitely cack-handed with the bread knife. My DH looks on and winces when I wield it. My sandwiches can be doorstops on the top crust side and Melba-toast thin on the bottom edge. Or vice-versa.

(No problem with any other kitchen implement; in fact I'm a fair old culinary whiz)
So - any tips for the perfect slice please?

My sister uses it for everything.

I found an onion in her fridge which had been cut with the bread knife 😩

Don't get me started.

Not only do we have someone in the household who can't cut the bread straight, but who also thinks it's Ok to cut a piece from the other end of the bread if you feel like a smaller slice/fancy the crust. So we end up with a useless wedge.