Bread related fury

[BlackAmericanoNoSugar]

AIBU to think that there should be some sort of mandatory punishment for people who use a bread knife for anything other than cutting bread? I think a short, sharp flogging would be punishment enough. For instance, this morning someone (DH almost certainly, he's a known knife-related CF) used it to spread marmalade.

And also, not punishable because some people genuinely can't help it, I think that learning to cut even awkwardly shaped loaves of bread in a vertical line is a necessary life skill. And any grown man (or woman, but in this house it's a male problem) who can't should be ashamed of himself and have to wait hungrily until the resident straight cutter finishes her lie-in to have morning toast.

I hardly ever start an AIBU thread, but I'm feeling a bit masochistic so am up for the character assassination that will surely follow. The bigger the logical leap in the assumption about my personality the better, 'controlling' and 'unpleasant' are too obvious, so I have already done that for you.

Can I just mention.....sewing scissors-misuse thereof?

I am guilty of occasionally using the breadknife to also butter the bread. OH came into the living room last night waving around said knife with a big blob of butter on it...I fessed up.

In my defence I am the one with superior bread cutting skills...I always have to recut the bread when he has decimated it

My Mums breadcutting is like a roller coaster up one side down the other and curved in the middle - funnily enough every one of the 6 kids can cut bread straight - we taught ourselves and M used to drive us all potty with her weird way of cutting (she used to stand the loaf on its end and slice right to left or at least attempt to)

Don't get me on sewing scissors - my ex used my brand new ones on some old carpet!!!!!!!!!!! I should have known and divorced him at that point

Can I just mention.....sewing scissors-misuse thereof?

I'm lucky that we dont have that in this house. OH is from a 'sewing background (mechanic) and bought my lovely Sera Sharp scissors, so they never ever get used for anything apart from fabric.

I frequently cant fing them though and he gets exasperated at me

People who use fabric scissors to cut paper: On. The. List.

My sister has a knife with a label on it which say "if you're not filleting fish, don't even think about using this knife"

There had been an Incident, and no-one was really trusted with the new filleting knife.

I think the horizontal cutting must be generational both mine and DH's grandfathers cut bread that way. Mine used to butter it first and then cut which meant wafer thin slices of buttered bread for crispy bacon sandwiches. Practically drooling remembering them! Oh and I'm a lefty but have no issue with our bread knife!

Same here re scissors I hide mine but sometimes spend ages trying to remember where. DH ruined the first pair I had...cutting paper, opening paint tins etc.

No one uses the bread knife for anything but bread though. Marmalade spreading is despicable. OFF with his head!
Let them make their own toast if they clear up the mess and bring you a cuppa when you waken and only then!

I think this thread should come with a trigger warning! We haven't had bread since 1962 when my husband was run over by a bakery van!!! You lot are all entitled CF, and how very dare you!!

My dp still remembers the time he used his mother’s hair cutting scissors to cut fuse wire. It was nearly 40 years ago, and she is a patient, mild mannered, loving mother. But he shudders........,

Have you not heard of a butter knife?

Bread knife aside, I’m more of a “multipurpose” girl.

So no speciality knives, soup spoons, fish knives, cake forks etc. Who the fuck has cutlery drawers big enough for all that?

Worried now about the cheese grater references. I have a box grater and have always moved the cheese up and down the face of the grater. I assume my mum does the same, as I learned most of my basic cooking skills from her. We're both left-handed, if that makes a difference, and neither of us can sew beyond re-affixing buttons.

WatchOutForTheCar may I suggest that you change your name to WatchOutForTheBakeryVan?

The solution to the fabric scissors fuckery is to use a small combination padlock to lock the handles together when not in use by an authorised user. One of my friends did this after the second time she had to replace her fabric shears. Her DH had the audacity to suggest she was being petty not to allow him to use them.

DH frequently uses steak knives for buttering when all the normal knives are in the dishwasher. Annoying.

The solution to the fabric scissors fuckery is to use a small combination padlock to lock the handles together when not in use by an authorised user.

Genius!

YANBU and YY to re misuse of scissors of all sorts.

I also have a separate knife I keep for raw meat cutting. I cannot cope with anyone using it for anything else.

My left hander manages the bread knife fine but woe betide anyone she catches putting the butter knife in the Nutella jar.

@thenightssky turn the loaf upside down and cut it from the bottom and it won't squash.

You'd hate me I use the bread knife to chop up the cardboard for the recycling bin in fairness we never really buy uncut loaves of bread so its not used otherwise!

My husband does this. He will use the bread knife to spread butter or pate on the bread, it's sheer laziness as he can't be arsed to walk over to the cutlery drawer to get a butter knife. It's also very cumbersome to spread shit on your toast with a big old bread knife.

He then leaves his crumbs and dirty knife on the chopping board.

I find it a bit disgusting if I'm honest. 😟

Yes, this is me (flog away) - use it for everything, fruit, vegetables, cake...the lot. Best knife. Reliable, cuts like a dream.

It is simply bread etiquette but they don’t teach good manners in school.

My grandfather used to carry a pocket knife in his top coat pocket. He used it for everything. Filling his pipe with tobacco, eating meals, cleaning his toe nails and so on and so forth. This is what life was like amid the lower classes.

You may as well mix up the butter, margarine, jam, marmalade in a bucket if you are only going to use one knife. Yuk.

To all those mentioning scissors. Yes.

I remember my granny used to tuck the loaf under her arm, butter the face of it, then cut the slice. All whilst it was tucked neatly under her arm.

to the fish filleting knife

You know it's bad when the incident has required an actual notice to be displayed

Aaahhh.....and a sub category of people who use the wooden bread board to cut veg. No. Just no (especially not beetroot).