Bread related fury

[BlackAmericanoNoSugar]

AIBU to think that there should be some sort of mandatory punishment for people who use a bread knife for anything other than cutting bread? I think a short, sharp flogging would be punishment enough. For instance, this morning someone (DH almost certainly, he's a known knife-related CF) used it to spread marmalade.

And also, not punishable because some people genuinely can't help it, I think that learning to cut even awkwardly shaped loaves of bread in a vertical line is a necessary life skill. And any grown man (or woman, but in this house it's a male problem) who can't should be ashamed of himself and have to wait hungrily until the resident straight cutter finishes her lie-in to have morning toast.

I hardly ever start an AIBU thread, but I'm feeling a bit masochistic so am up for the character assassination that will surely follow. The bigger the logical leap in the assumption about my personality the better, 'controlling' and 'unpleasant' are too obvious, so I have already done that for you.

It's also very cumbersome to spread shit on your toast

You may as well mix up the butter, margarine, jam, marmalade in a bucket if you are only going to use one knife.

I often mix butter and marmite to enable a single spread.

No bread knife abuse here but my OH is convinced that a tablespoon is a spoon that you would use at table ie a dessert spoon.

It drives me mad when he cooks following a recipe "ah a tablespoon of flour" and opens the cutlery drawer and takes a dessert spoon... I have to walk away before I give in to the urge to batter him over the head with it.

Left handed bread knife? Is that like a left handed popcorn scoop?

I was watching an old episode of Come Dine With We a while ago and someone was cutting all their vegetables with a bread knife.

It took a huge amount of restrain on my part no to punch the television screen in. Watching someone slowly sawing away at a pile of root vegetables was one of the most stressful things I think I've ever watched on tv.

My FiL isn't allowed to use knives anymore. He damaged a nerve in his hand while trying to slice frozen bread. Needed an operation, thank goodness it worked

Oh scissors. There was an incident with my good sewing scissors. My scissors are no longer misused and sit quite happily in the right place in full view.

My children have been known to scream at unsuspecting house guests 'not those scissors, use the ones on the dining room drawers!'

This amuses me quite a lot 😂

@LongSummerDays I've had many a debate with DH over tsp meaning teaspoon and tbsp meaning tablespoon. Despite me showing him proof via internet search. He also thinks a dessert spoon and a tablespoon are the same thing. We have measuring cups but he won't use them.

My mum used to clutch the bread to her chest and cut it horizontally towards her. I was always terrified she was going to slice her tit off.

@TigerDrankAllTheWaterInTheTap It's just the grater only grates in one direction. It's like dragging the knife back up the thing you're cutting between slices.

I use the bread knife to cut tomatoes as the seratedness stops them from squishing. I also find it the best knife for carving a joint of meat.
I’ve even been know mn to use it to spread butter, or dollop on some hummus if I have just used it to cut the bread but can’t be seeded dirtying another knife.

You hate me don’t you?

*arsed

I don't hate you Eminybob, I'm just not ever letting you into my house.

As well as my bread knife/tomatoes antics, I also rub cheese up and down on the grater and have no idea how many different types of scissors there are or why you'd not use sewing scissors for anything else. Similarly, I've now discovered that though I know there's a difference between a dessert spoon and a table spoon, I can't remember which is which.

It turns out I may actually be a bloke

That must be a shock after a whole lifetime of thinking you're a woman 5Seconds. Perhaps you should slump on the sofa with a firm grip on the tv remote with one hand and adjusting your nether regions with the other until you get over the shock. (Table spoons are bigger, like a serving spoon.)

I think pre buttering and horizontal cutting may be a Welsh thing.

My mum wasn't Welsh, just intrepid.

Well BlackAmericanoNoSugar the plan was to go and cook but I no longer trust myself in the kitchen, so slumping on the sofa it is!

On the plus side, single dads get a much better reception than single mums so I suppose I've had an upgrade of sorts

the plan was to go and cook

By cooking I assume you mean chopping onions with a teaspoon, putting steak in the toaster, that kind of thing?

My mum's Welsh and no way would she be coordinated enough to pull that off

The woman's a menace with a bread knife and managed to end up in hospital with a severe cut from a corner beef tin

We have a bread knife but I find it easier to cut unsliced bread with a steak knife. Those steak knives (that I used to think were mini bread knives until dh educated me) are used for cutting most things apart from cheese. We did have some good scissors but I ruined them trying to cut a net curtain wire 😣

I think that's the key - find a good knife for cutting bread, bread knife or otherwise. I'm a lefty and thought that i was to blame using an inherited old knife of My granny's. Now we have another old knife from MIL i can slice like a dream. It's a dangerous fucker tho, and long, needs its own space...

Titty, I'm a left-hander too. My only hope for uncut loaves is to let them go a bit stale and then use the slices for toast - or put the loaf in the fridge so it firms-up a bit.

My husband reckons I look dangerous when I cut bread because I do this crossed arms 'thing'. Works for me. I write at 90 degrees as well.

Yes OP, bread-knives all the way - not for using for other things.

Mine uses the bread knife to slice bread, bagels as is correct but he also uses it to cut up whatever else happens to need cutting which drives me insane. I asked him once what he thinks all the other knives in the knife block are for and he was unable to answer me beyond 'I just thought they were more for show than actual usage."

No, it's about the right tool for the job. Like he tells me when I try and use the 'wrong' screwdriver out of the 11ty billion he has in any one of three massive tool chests in the garage! All I want to do is tighten/loosen a fucking screw but you'd think I'd tried to mow the lawn with an electric shaver if I get the wrong one.

Bread knives are great for cutting through cardboard tubes when the need arises far more often than you would think