Bread related fury

[BlackAmericanoNoSugar]

AIBU to think that there should be some sort of mandatory punishment for people who use a bread knife for anything other than cutting bread? I think a short, sharp flogging would be punishment enough. For instance, this morning someone (DH almost certainly, he's a known knife-related CF) used it to spread marmalade.

And also, not punishable because some people genuinely can't help it, I think that learning to cut even awkwardly shaped loaves of bread in a vertical line is a necessary life skill. And any grown man (or woman, but in this house it's a male problem) who can't should be ashamed of himself and have to wait hungrily until the resident straight cutter finishes her lie-in to have morning toast.

I hardly ever start an AIBU thread, but I'm feeling a bit masochistic so am up for the character assassination that will surely follow. The bigger the logical leap in the assumption about my personality the better, 'controlling' and 'unpleasant' are too obvious, so I have already done that for you.

My mother had an old family friend ...think Aunt but not actually related, us children and my ma were allowed to call her Mrs Hobbs, my dad called her Lou, and she would tut a bit!

She would also butter the loaf, clamp it between her arm and bosom and slice wafer thin bits of bread, all the while having a MASSIVE drag on her cigarette.

As a side issue she never seemed to knock the ash off...it just dangled there forever, I do remember being very worried it would fall in the butter

Which leads to one of my foibles, already mentioned by PP, THINGS in the butter, or butter in the jam I can use several knives if I am making sandwiches for fear of cross contamination, and if we are having a buffet it will suddenly all go quiet as everyone is searching for the cheese or butter knives, then all eyes turn to me, and I have them all at my end of the table because I forget to put them back :o

I have always admired you fourquenelles (by which I mean I notice your name more than most because it makes me laugh) but now I’m so very disappointed.

I used to chop vegetables with my bread knife because of the rigid edges I'd never dream of it now.

I'm useless at cutting bread straight. I'm right handed and work in a bakery and slice bread everyday, so have no excuse at all 😕

Sorry not sorry BlackAmericanoNoSugar

Best way to get the end metal bit off a Pringles tube so you can recycle the cardboard. Saving the planet me, one bread knife at a time.

Dammit, the passive-aggressive 'saving the world' comeback. I can't top that.

Although you could buy another bread knife for cardboard usage only, from a second hand shop obviously, for the sake of the planet.

I inherited my wooden handled, Sheffield steel bread knife from my late DM. 'Tis the dog's bollocks of cutting tools .

She also passed on her electric carving knife (and the pressure cooker, she was shit scared of them both). That is a multi-functional wonder - bread, the Sunday joint, anything from the freezer, a bloody marvel.

I had a proper upbringing, I knows the proper use for all cutlery and implements, thanks to DM and my wonderful DGran .

I was told by DH to cut pizza with a bread knife, it's too bendy! It too ages! The DC were eating their own arms!

*took

Argh DP is terrible for this! Uses it for veg and all sorts. BUT he is very good at cutting a nice thin even slice.

"Aaahhh.....and a sub category of people who use the wooden bread board to cut veg." That'd be me, then. But I turn the board upside down so I cut vegetable on the other side, so that's OK then?

And I don't believe people who say they can tell if I've sliced the strawberries with the knife I used for cutting onions.

My DP uses a bread knife to slice cheese. It hurts so much that I have to leave the room

My bil once used a knife he had used in garlic to cut lemon to go in gin. Yes, I most definitely could tell!

I had no idea that such depravity existed.
You'll be telling us next that he uses the wrong settings on a torque wrench.

I also rub cheese up and down on the grater

clutches pearls
I think i just died inside. Up? UP?! Nope. You're not allowed in my kitchen. Ever!

Also those mentioning pizza...forget the bread knife, even a pizza cutter is no good. What you need for pizza is scissors. Trust. Me.

Hang on- how do you grate cheese if you don’t rub it down the grater?

I've just bought a new set of (bloody expensive) knives and didn't let the DC or DH use them until they'd had an induction from me on their correct usage and care. I had a lot of eye rolling and sniggering but they complied. I have no confidence that they actually listened or took any notice. I will be watching them!

Rubbing cheese both ways on the grater makes for lots of pilling and squashy cheesy bits. Also much more likely to grate fingers due to excessive pressure.

I've got a bread knife. It even has a slice of bread engraved near the handle. I get annoyed when I catch my DP using a carving knife to cut bread and I'd be digging the patio up if he used my bread knife for any other purpose.

bread knives do double duty cutting up cardboard boxes chez heartofgold