AIBU? Help resolve an argument please!

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Interested in opinions on this disagreement please! We have two DC age 4 & 2.

Parent A: thinks there should be rules around food in the home that help teach children general societal norms/expectations. For example - things such as dunking toast into milk or fish fingers into orange juice or chips into ice cream etc. should be actively discouraged at all times because in a restaurant/public setting these things would be frowned upon or result in a telling off.

Parent B: thinks that people (regardless of age) should be allowed to experiment and,if they like something generally considered unusual, they should be allowed to do as they please whilst at home. Education on socially acceptable eating habits would take place when relevant (i.e. no dunking dinner in your apple juice whilst at a restaurant/your friend's house/at school etc.).

So....who do you agree with? 😁

B

But I imagine mumsnetters to be mostly A

B. Small children cope well with this sort of set up.

B.

A is fighting a losing battle. Especially with a 2 year old.

B

I think somewhere in between. I would encourage A but would allow B without punishment within the house.

B

B.
My DC understand that they are allowed to experiment at home, but wouldn’t be allowed to if we were eating out, or at sometime else’s house and they’re only 3!

A. I’m mostly A, but there are a few things I would lean more towards B with.

B

Parent B

B, but with emphasis on A.

I'd be generally A. But I hate seeing drunks with bits of food floating round in them.

It would depend on exactly what it was. I remember dd1 dunking pieces of ham in her yoghurt when she was about a year.

I certainly think that by 4yo you would be discouraging that sort of behaviour, especially when out.

B

A
reasons - waste , mess, stress.

You are clearly B as you use the words "rules" and "experiments".

I imagine person B and kids are at my house for lunch and I have spent a while making a nice meal - time, money, thought. The kids, encouraged by the parent , think it is fun to put sugar on the salmon and bury the expensive little chocolate pots in ketchup. Isn't it fun??? Don't they get loads of attention for their creativity?? Aren't my kids special? Then unless you are going to force said child to eat resultant mess you have a problem. Food is indulgently scraped into bin, ketchup goes on the shopping list for next time and child whines about being hungry an hour later.

I hate that sort of attitude to food. Food is actually very undervalued in modern UK culture. It is disrespected and wasted and not understood.

PS I know this own't go down well on here

As with most things in a healthy relationship: mutual compromise.

We have expected standards of table manners, but we also have certain meals and certain situations where table manners are relaxed.

For example: fish fingers and chips.

At the table, we expect proper use of cutlery, mouths closed, no reaching across others' plates - basic table manners. But when we eat FFs&Cs at home, cutlery is not obligatory for anyone at the table. When we eat them out of our own home, proper use of cutlery is insisted upon.

When any of us eat with our fingers, we still expect closed mouths and no yucky noises. But I also give them regular opportunities to eat unsupervised, precisely so that they can indulge in whatever disgusting food experiences they choose.

So, hopefully, they learn to eat in a way that does not disturb fellow diners, and that different situations may require different standards, but at the same time they don't feel overly constrained and rebel against these standards, because they also get to experiment and relax the standards.

I don't have strong feelings but if pushed I'd probably say A to avoid wasted food which I really don't like.

paintedhorizons I'll say which parent I am in a bit, interested in the differing opinions. The terminology I used in the op came verbatim from each parent during the original conversation. Parent B does point out in the op that experimental behaviour would not be allowed outside of the home.

Same sort of thing applies to food combinations.

I think I’m definately more A - especially with the examples you’ve given. I don’t mind dunking biscuits in milk or tea, but really I would be starting from a reasonably young age to teach basic table manners and socially acceptable behaviours while eating. And definitely with the 4 year old. It would be confusing surely when they start school and something they are allowed to do at home, they are told off for at school dinners? I’d rather not put them in that potential position by just teaching them properly to start with.

A - mostly.

For the 2 year old I'd be B.

For the 4 year old I'd be leaning more towards A.

A but I admit I turn a blind eye to B at times

A in this house - I lean towards the view of painted horizons about how we treat food - its not a toy and mealtimes are not playtime.
That's not to say we are draconian about manners and use of cutlery but messing around squidging things and wasting them is not done during our family meal times.
(Grew up in poverty, still careful with money, like to buy high quality food so hate seeing it wasted)

I'm A, DH is B - when I cook the food.

When he cooks, surprise surprise, he turns into A because (like me) he doesn't like seeing the food he's cooked dunked in water or smeared on the table!

When we are out we are hot on table manners and sitting properly. Drives me nuts when parents let their kids wander round restaurants.