AIBU? Help resolve an argument please!

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Interested in opinions on this disagreement please! We have two DC age 4 & 2.

Parent A: thinks there should be rules around food in the home that help teach children general societal norms/expectations. For example - things such as dunking toast into milk or fish fingers into orange juice or chips into ice cream etc. should be actively discouraged at all times because in a restaurant/public setting these things would be frowned upon or result in a telling off.

Parent B: thinks that people (regardless of age) should be allowed to experiment and,if they like something generally considered unusual, they should be allowed to do as they please whilst at home. Education on socially acceptable eating habits would take place when relevant (i.e. no dunking dinner in your apple juice whilst at a restaurant/your friend's house/at school etc.).

So....who do you agree with? 😁

100 % A

A- teach them early what is acceptable, as too many people who don't know how to eat in public.
When we ate out last week there was a man at the next table licking his knife and generally eating like a toddler.

If your DCs like fish fingers dunked in orange juice and chips dunked in ice cream then they have unusual tastes. Surely, on MN you would not serve those things together.

I'm a bit militant about mealtimes at home. We all sit down together at the table, I expect them to use cutlery, have basic manners and behave appropriately. Of course there have been days when it's all gone mad and I've had to scrape weetabix off a radiator and spaghetti off the dog but generally if you build mealtimes into a nice routine your DC learn what is and isn't ok, so by the time they go to school or begin eating out/having friends over they don't have to think "which rules apply today", they just behave nicely at the table.

I'm probably a. I know it's going to be disgusting and a waste of food, so I'd probably tell them not to pu their fish fingers in their orange juice.

if someone wants to dunk their food in their drink it wouldn't bother me. It's no different to adults dunking biscuits in tea

Agreed about tea and biscuits, or croissant and chocolate, but it IS different to someone dunking their roasties in their wine at Christmas lunch or anything formal. Extreme example, but at what point do you start teaching them the difference?

B, with the proviso that if I find something gross they do it when I'm not around!

We distinguish between 'restaurant manners' (which also apply when having people over or eating at someone else's house) and 'home manners'. The DDs have managed with that just fine and are lovely to take out to eat.

When we ate out last week there was a man at the next table licking his knife and generally eating like a toddler.

Boak.

I once dumped a boyfriend because of his gross table manners. He was a knife licker, but worst of all was the open-mouthed chewing and lip-smacking.

It's hard to snog someone when you've had a grandstand view of them masticating. It was like watching the washing machine go round, but with food.

I'm with A. But we do dunk our biscuits in out coffee or milk but that's it.

B, but slowly segueing into A as they got older - so that A's approach was the norm around age 7.

A

Good manners need to be an unconscious habit. Unless they're enforced at home all the time, they'll never be used unthinkingly in every situation.

A

A

Only in the UK would B be considered acceptable. Theres nothing free spirited or creative or experimental about mistreating food

Definitely B - its really important to allow children to develop a healthy relationship with food. That means letting them experiment with mixing flavours etc that we might find weird, or making a bit of mess, using thwir fingers etc. You can still encourage and teach about manners, but overly strict environments around food can actually make meal times stressful for young kids which can have lifelong impacts.

B - and I think you're B too OP, by the use of language.

I've got two kids on the spectrum with only a vague view of how society might view them, so unless I give them a concrete reason why they shouldn't do something, it's difficult to convince them to do something. However, they know that certain things can't be done at restaurants, not because they care what people think of them, but because they will have computer time taken away.

I'm always amazed at how many neurotypical kids can't behave properly when out though!

A, every time. Mostly because my half sister was still playing with her food at 13yo like a one year old.

Minging.

B

Disgusting table manners are not really to be encouraged, but seem to be.
I was sitting next to young Mummy with small child who continually boinged up and down on the communal seat nearly trampling on me. I was sitting there first, they came and sat right near . Child had a big lump of chocolate brownie which she proceeded to gob out on the floor. Mum was perfectly bright, probably a nice person.
No one corrected her. The parent then proceeded to feed child cream from her cup and sugar and boasted she would have a sugar rush.
I just thought
a. poor kid, no guidance
b. why let children have lots of horrible sickly foods.
c. No consideration shown to others

I actually think a lot of Mum are oblivious and don't mean to be hostile, but nevertheless they come across as hostile via not correcting yucky or gross behaviour.
I love children and actually value their company. Sometimes the adults p me off.

At the table, it would be A.

But if I'm having a cup of tea, or my DD is having a coffee, we let the children (between 2-3) dip a biscuit in and a bit older will let them have a small cup of their own, for dipping.

Likewise, at Christmas etc you have snacks, hot chocolate and generally eat in a way that you wouldn't in public.

I certainly wouldn't eat a Curry out, as I do, at Home. I love a bit of messy eating.

So, actually B's way could teach good table manners because like being in other people's houses/school, there are different behaviour expectations. Which some people seem to not learn.

It's the same in other Countries, when it is polite to eat with your fingers and the like.

A.

Absolutely not B
"they should be allowed to do as they please whilst at home"
Having a different set of rules at home will just confuse and give out mixed messages.

I would agree good table manners needs to be taught from a young age. And that starts in the home. I wouldn't really see dunking your fish fingers in your orange juice as experimenting. Maybe if they tried mushrooms, or prawns, seeing what they like or dislike, but if you're doing something disgusting, you're doing something disgusting.

A

I wanted my DCs to be able to eat nicely and behave well wherever we went at mealtimes. They are now adults but when they were little people often commented how polite they were as I’d always taught them to say please and thank you to waiters/waitresses or family. They always said ‘thank you for dinner’ when we visited friends etc. I hate how rude and bratty some children have become nowadays!

A A A A - all the way.
Unless other mitigating factors like SENs.
Flexibility and “cool parenting” might seem a great idea when kids are 2 or 4 but at what point does it stop? Why not start gently training and guiding. I am frequently disgusted the the table manners and food culture of 8-12 year olds. And am still playing catch-up on table-training my DTs, who are almost 12 but I didn’t start tightening up their manners until they were 8 or 9. Why give yourself a mountain to climb later, once bad table behaviour has become habitual??

So come on OP - which the hell are you??

A.

Children should be taught how to eat properly.

I’m a chef at a school residential site and the amount of children we get who eat like animals, are unable to use cutlery, have no idea how to behave at a table and thInk it’s fine to waste food and leave a mess is shocking.