AIBU? Help resolve an argument please!

[rosetintedview]

Interested in opinions on this disagreement please! We have two DC age 4 & 2.

Parent A: thinks there should be rules around food in the home that help teach children general societal norms/expectations. For example - things such as dunking toast into milk or fish fingers into orange juice or chips into ice cream etc. should be actively discouraged at all times because in a restaurant/public setting these things would be frowned upon or result in a telling off.

Parent B: thinks that people (regardless of age) should be allowed to experiment and,if they like something generally considered unusual, they should be allowed to do as they please whilst at home. Education on socially acceptable eating habits would take place when relevant (i.e. no dunking dinner in your apple juice whilst at a restaurant/your friend's house/at school etc.).

So....who do you agree with? 😁

A

B

Food should not be a battleground and they are still little enough for this sort of thing not to matter. Keep it fun, don’t make it pressured. And dipping breakfast food into a drink is usual in many countries - pastry into hot choc late anyone!

There are many rules that will be different at home than in restaurants, it’s not hard to enforce.

A. It helps to be consistent and it's not nearly so creative and educational as people think to mess about with food you're eating.

B

And I still do French fries into milkshake - hurts no one

Maybe it’s just that the examples you’ve given aren’t so bad - don’t make the food inedible

Sugar onto salmon as pp mentioned is bizarre and I wouldn’t allow it, not least because my kids aren’t allowed access to the sugar bowl

B

A; but allow food combining on their own plate. If you want to dunk chips in ice cream then the ice cream can be on your plate, though I'm struggling to see why these are on the table at the same time. If it's your small glass of orange getting messed up with biscuit crumbs that's ok, but making a random mess across the table and floor should really be stopping from age 2, it's just wasteful and there's no need for it.

Definitely B, A sounds to controlling and need to let go of something so minor as mixing foods. Oh and it wouldn't be frowned upon in a public setting, only in A's head.

A.

Experimenting is fine but should be done in a sensible way so food is not wasted.

A

Allowing children to mess around with food is grim.

B when they are small, A when they are older.

A. Start as you mean to go on. You wouldn't believe how many kids sit in the dinner hall at school displaying all sorts of weird habits they're allowed to indulge at home.

EDIT...
A
Allowing children to mess around with or waste food is grim.

So which parent are you OP?

B

The point is to teach them to enjoy mealtimes.

It's very unfair to even young children to allow B, but require A when in public. Table manners, and the reasons for them - consideration for others and the age-appropriate ability to participate in a central sociable practice - need to be developed gently at family meals.

But I find it really annoying when people allow 'experimenting' with food in the way you describe in option B. There's generally waste and playing with food, rather than appreciating food and getting essential nutrition. It's rather showy-offy and spoilt behaviour.

Food experimentation should be encourage during food preparation and before serving but not at the dining table.
Once food is served everyone needs to respect the food and the person who has spent time making the food.

I would be worried that behaviour like that would set a habit that they might take outside the home. Maybe not at a restaurant but say a friends house where they felt at home. When I was a child (between 6 and 8) I use to have a friend that would drench any meal in ketchup, no matter what the food was he would always ask for ketchup. Of course my mother let him and never made him feel it was bad to ask but I know she was not impressed to see her cooking get covered in ketchup every time without even been tasted first. Even now, almost 30 years later, she sometimes still mentions the boy with the ketchup.

B

but then I have a child with severely avoidant eating habits, so I actively encourage the other DC to experiment/play with food in the safety of our home to prevent her mimicking her brothers autism related food issues.

Food should be fun, mealtimes should not be stressful. As long as they know how to behave in public.

B

B as long they are eating their food and not wasting it. I believe meal times should be fun within reason. We do have some rules, eating with mouth shut, staying at the table, those kinds of things. But if someone wants to dunk their food in their drink it wouldn't bother me. It's no different to adults dunking biscuits in tea

A, B is giving mixed messages, manners are manners at home/restaurant/someone else's house, doesn't matter

A and firmly so.

I hate people with appalling table manners. It is disgusting and have refused to attend many a work meal because I cannot stand this disgraceful way people behave at tge table.

If a child is taught correctly by seeing the others around then eating correctly then there should be no battle regardless of their age.

A, reasons are table manners, mess to clear up and potentially wasting food.

Probably 90% A. If you go A your children are getting consistent messages and there should be no need for new rules / telling off when eating out at other places (nobody's child is perfect!).

B for days when life is already hard or if had a child with issues around mealtimes.

A.

Why let them develop bad habits and then have to unlearn them when they're older? It's just making more work for yourself and sorting it out will be more challenging the older they get.

I'd be reluctant to host children beyond toddler age with vile table behaviour and have this vision of people getting to adulthood and still dunking chips in ice cream. They'd never be invited anywhere twice!

The 4-year old will be having school meals soon, and needs to have a semblance of table manners imo.