To find it impossible to cut down on drinking

[namechange2117]

NC'd for obvious reasons.

I'm 35 and have been what I would describe as a heavy drinker for the past 12 years. I used to make sure I had a few days off alcohol on 2 or 3 nights per week, but in recent years I've started drinking every night almost without exception.

On a quiet night in I'll drink a bottle of lager and between three-quarters and a full bottle of red wine to myself; and if I'm out with DH it can be four or five large glasses of wine plus several cocktails. I'd say I drink about 70-80 units per week on average, which is alarming when you consider the government's recommended amount for women is 14 units.

I'm typing this after waking up with yet another bad hangover this morning, not getting out of bed until midday (we don't have DC's!) and struggling to do any work at all today as a result of feeling so rough. The drinking regularly affects my work performance and I'd say I lose at least a day - maybe more - a week due to being hung over.

Today I feel awful physically with an aching head, nausea and exhaustion. I'm also irritable, depressed and ashamed/worried that I've wasted a full day's work, which I will now have to catch up over the weekend.

I wish I could cut right down on alcohol to the point where I'm only consuming 20 units per week at most, with at least four days off each week. I'm worried about my health and ashamed of how I've made a fool of myself on several occasions due to alcohol - falling over at a recent party in front of guests and slurring my speech being two examples. The amount of money I spend on booze is far too much and DH and I do want to TTC at some point too.

The problem is that I'm just really struggling to kick the habit. I really enjoy the taste of alcohol and the feeling of "relaxing with a glass of wine after a long day". I feel like I drink mainly to escape the pressures of work (I'm self-employed and whilst I do enjoy my job, it's also very stressful) and of life in general (I'm a very anxious person and don't really enjoy socialising). DH is also a big drinker which doesn't help, and much of our free time revolves around alcohol - dining out and or drinking down the pub.

Am I being unreasonable to carry on drinking like this and to not have the will power to cut down?

Lily - it’s a strange one. It should put me off because I get horrendous hangovers, but I honestly don’t really think about it when I’m drinking and I’m not sure why. Then the next morning I inevitably feel horrendous and have tons of regrets. Maybe when I’m tempted to have another glass and then another one, I need to really focus hard on how awful it will make me feel the next day, instead of just getting carried away in the moment.

Hope the person you mentioned is ok

Well done OP for cutting down this January.

I'm also drinking too much. Self medicating as a result of a horrendous five years, still huge difficulties with my dcs, one ASD, one severe mental illness. Single mum, exh with Bipolar and ASD.
In the last week:
Sun - one large glass wine (unusual as out) Sunday usu AF
Monday - AF
Tue - several large g and ts
Wed - bottle white
Thur AF
Fri and Sat nights are usually a bottle a night.

So over 30 units in 7 days typically.
It's an escape. It numb the pain.
But it doesn't help my mental health, or sleep.

I did used to have a no drinking on a school night rule which worked ok. But that was over a year ago...

Need some interesting AF drinks which aren't full of sugar/sweeteners.

Need to try and loose the bottle of wine in the week. That would be a good start.

At least you realise you've got a problem OP. My dad is a functioning alcoholic. He recently had a stroke but it hasn't put him off drinking. He is 'cutting down' aka tripling his risk of another stroke by continuing to drink.

Pregnancy helped me to drink less. It reset my relationship with alcohol so I found it much easier to have longer periods of abstinence. I still have the odd binge. Having an alcoholic in the family really makes you think hard about drinking all the time.

Quite a lot of my friends who are booze guzzlers also find that it is easier to quit completely than try and moderate. You sound like one of those people who once you start drinking finds it very difficult to stop. I know how you feel but I'm not as bad as some people I know. The one day at a time mentality is useful but it would be good to train for a whole month off. Doesn't have to be dry January. How about dry February?

It's not helpful if your husband continues to drink. I can only offer the experience of my mum who has cut way back on her drinking despite being married to an alcoholic. She did it mainly on health grounds. She's nearly 70 now and whilst she will still have the odd binge she has lots of time off as well. To be honest in her case my dad said such a bad example it really makes you want to not follow down his footsteps.

If anything it would be nice if your husband could start to cut back as well. You can start a booze pot for all the savings you make from not buying the alcohol and then spend the money on something really nice for you both.

Hi there. Well done for admitting your problem. That’s part of the battle.

I have/had a drink problem too and AA I know would never be for me in a million years. But there are some great books out there, these have totally changed my mindset and relationship with alcohol.

Maybe try those and also have a think about AA - it’s not for me but it’s helped many people obviously

That sounds like a lovely evening routine Pooley - and congratulations to you on cutting right down.

My hangover this evening is terrible - I drank on a relatively empty stomach last night (had about 14 units) and today I feel like I’ve been battered and bruised all over. Tonight I’m alcohol free as it’s my fourth night off this week. Then at the weekend I’m going to try really hard to moderate. I want my total alcohol consumption to come in at 30 units this week, down from 40 last week.

Four nights this week is great - well done too.

I wasn’t really reading when drinking so enjoying getting back into it and my skin looks so much better even after two weeks.

AA is the best thing I've ever done. The only thing that ever worked. I love meetings and the people are amazing. For the first time in my life I have inner peace and happiness and am sober over 3 years.

Keep an eye out for love your liver events where you may be able to have a fibroscan. That will (okay, broadly, and by itself not always enough) tell you what your liver is actually up to.

Well done OP! I’m in a very similar position to you. Keep it up!

Op DH and I were regular drinkers, DH was on a bottle of red every night and i was having 2 or 3 white wine every night...... felt crap most mornings and slept poorly.
Before xmas we both decided to cut down and have some alcohol free days. We try for 4 days off in a row then save it for the weekend.
I found that switching to spirits rather than wine and having really weak measures helped as with lots of mixer and ice it is a long drink. Also leaving as late in the evening as poss before having my first.
Only word of warning is it is SO easy to slip back into bad old ways if you just cut down so you have to be strict.
I now find i don't want as much at the weekend niw as my body is getting accustomed to having less.
Sorry i can't remember if you have a DP and if he drinks? If he does you need to be in this together if poss.
Good luck and remember you have taken the first step by writing it down and admitting it to yourself

This thread has really resonated with me. NC for this.

@poster PooleySpooley
I am in the same position - have been for 20 years after giving up drugs.

Promised myself every year I would just drink fridays and saturdays but failed.

This year is different and have so far managed it and was drinking about 1/2 litre of vodka most nights

This is me at the moment, though for 15 years rather than 20 but sometimes 2/3 of a litre of vodka some nights. (I am male to give some context but still of course WAY over the guidelines)

@PooleySpooley did you have any side effects? One of the reasons I find it hard is because I have the most awful side effects when I don't drink in weekdays which I know is because of the alcohol consumption but it really throws me off and then when I fall to sleep after drinking so easily when it hits Friday it puts me off quitting. I have literally had only half an hours sleep for four nights in a row when I try and quit Monday-Thursday. I work Full time Monday-Friday so not drinking in the day but yes as soon as I get back home. Sorry for rambling btw, I'm not good with public speaking or groups at all so I could never do AA even though we would all be in the same situation, some less than others, some more than others. But I feel like if I just stop and succeed in just quitting I might die. But the 'only drinking at weekends' only works for a bit before it creeps back in and I start drinking every night again.

Proud for you OP btw, I don't know if I saw this first time round but great update

You do need to do something about your drinking before it is really a problem. Why not have a look at the website Soberistas for some help and advice.

Good luck.

@Coldhandscoldheart thankyou for posting about love your liver...I'd never heard of it but for sure will be talking my partner into going when they are fairly near next.

The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober is a great book, it really encouraged me to quit. I’ve been sober just over 2 weeks now after my drinking escalated to every night, which could easily be a bottle of wine a day. Once I have one glass I crave more, so it’s easier for me to quit completely. In some ways it’s hard as DH still drinks heavily most nights, so there’s always booze in the house, but so far I’m resisting. Drinking also makes my anxiety worse, it’s a lot better without the alcohol.

Hi overdrinker - could you ask your doctor for sleeping pills for a short time to beak the cycle? I am taking over the counter sominex at the moment (not the herbal ones) and they have helped me reset. I was doing two or more bottles of wine a night and I am dry 22 days today. Good luck, it is hard

@MollysMummy2010

I'm just afraid that taking any sort of pills whilst at the same time stopping drinking alcohol completely will result in a heart attack or death. It's what is putting me off taking medication for anxiety, or anything else really. How long were you drinking a bottle or two every night until you stopped, may I ask if you don't mind?

@overdrinker - god, a slippery slope over the past twenty years. I got worse when my mum died ten years ago. Over the past couple of years I found that even two bottles was not enough and I wanted more. I got sick of feeling like shit all the time and also worried about driving in the mornings when I must have been well over the limit.

I stopped the day after boxing day as I was ill anyway and it was hard but worth it. I felt so dreadful for about three days and when I think of having another drink I just remember that I never, ever want to feel like that again. The Sominex I take are over the counter rather than prescription so I don't think they can be that bad? I know you don't want to take pills but they really helped me as I too just could not sleep without the alcohol cosh. Three weeks in and I am starting to feel good. I am also taking a Vit B supplement as alcohol really depletes that and that contributes to tiredness and lethargy.
I really hope you find a way through.

I was like this. Every night I would justify a drink and then hate myself in the morning. I was in a dark place, I didn't realise.
I then changed to 5 days a week full time (I have 2 pre school kids) I continued to drink but I was aware of the impact.
I don't know what changed except I feel in a good place for the first time in years. I ready Jason hales books- how to kick the drink easily.
I now have 5 days off be drink a glass of wine on a Friday and a couple more on a Saturday. On school holidays I drink slightly more but not much. This is. Dramatic improvement. I believe mainly down to worries about health (I'm only 28)

Aa is not professional help, it's a self help support organisation and helps many people. Just go to a meeting today or call them, someone will go with you. It's too hard on your own, these people have been there and understand. Do it now, you won't regret it.

Read This Naked Mind by Annie Grace and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray

Overdrinker

Just night sweats for a few days.

Try Sainsbury’s own herbal sleeping pills they are excellent 👍🏻

I got down to 35 units per week last week, which is half the amount I was drinking per week last year. I've also had 14 days (two weeks!) sober so far this year.

This week's resolution is to get down to 30 units. I drink three nights a week so that's effectively a bottle wine per night, which I hope should be eminently doable. My next step (cutting down from 30 to 20) could be a challenge.

I've discovered Cawstons sparkling rhubarb and apple which is tasty and not too sweet. AF Monday and Tuesday. Wed night I would normally drink, but am going to try not to

I could have written your OP too. I drink far too much, but function day to day with DC. If I open a bottle of wine, I will finish it that night. And maybe drink more/open another. Nobody knows, except DH and my mum. I think people just think I let my hair down at parties a bit too much.

I've just started a new regime and diet - which involves no food/alcohol after 8pm. 16:8 diet, where you only eat between 12 noon and 8pm. It's working. It's to regulate my sleep pattern and eating - hope to improve my sleep and lose some weight.

My resolve was steeled by a visit to A&E with DS this week (he's ok now) - and hearing a man in the next bed being told that his health problems and pain are pancreatitis - due to his "steady drinking." I do NOT want to be there a few years down the line.

I'm not saying I'll never drink again, but I think I'll quit drinking at home - only drink on social occasions - and try not to guzzle wine like there's no tomorrow, when I do.

You need to replace the alcohol with other joys at the end of the day, such as bath, hot tea etc. Try exercise as well. Aim to cut your daily intake by half and then start to drink every other day instead of every day.