To find it impossible to cut down on drinking

[namechange2117]

NC'd for obvious reasons.

I'm 35 and have been what I would describe as a heavy drinker for the past 12 years. I used to make sure I had a few days off alcohol on 2 or 3 nights per week, but in recent years I've started drinking every night almost without exception.

On a quiet night in I'll drink a bottle of lager and between three-quarters and a full bottle of red wine to myself; and if I'm out with DH it can be four or five large glasses of wine plus several cocktails. I'd say I drink about 70-80 units per week on average, which is alarming when you consider the government's recommended amount for women is 14 units.

I'm typing this after waking up with yet another bad hangover this morning, not getting out of bed until midday (we don't have DC's!) and struggling to do any work at all today as a result of feeling so rough. The drinking regularly affects my work performance and I'd say I lose at least a day - maybe more - a week due to being hung over.

Today I feel awful physically with an aching head, nausea and exhaustion. I'm also irritable, depressed and ashamed/worried that I've wasted a full day's work, which I will now have to catch up over the weekend.

I wish I could cut right down on alcohol to the point where I'm only consuming 20 units per week at most, with at least four days off each week. I'm worried about my health and ashamed of how I've made a fool of myself on several occasions due to alcohol - falling over at a recent party in front of guests and slurring my speech being two examples. The amount of money I spend on booze is far too much and DH and I do want to TTC at some point too.

The problem is that I'm just really struggling to kick the habit. I really enjoy the taste of alcohol and the feeling of "relaxing with a glass of wine after a long day". I feel like I drink mainly to escape the pressures of work (I'm self-employed and whilst I do enjoy my job, it's also very stressful) and of life in general (I'm a very anxious person and don't really enjoy socialising). DH is also a big drinker which doesn't help, and much of our free time revolves around alcohol - dining out and or drinking down the pub.

Am I being unreasonable to carry on drinking like this and to not have the will power to cut down?

Sorry op clearly I didn’t rtft well done keep it up.

Campral

Won’t work for everyone but works for me from the dr.

Makes it easy to drink free when I never would have before, and if I do have a drink I just find I am not that arsed about having many more.

Changed my life

Hi OP - I came on to recommend the Adrian Chiles doc like quite a few other posters, I hope you had a chance to watch it
www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b0bhkc8b/drinkers-like-me-adrian-chiles?suggid=b0bhkc8b

Also, things that worked for me, I wasn't a heavy drinker but we did drink every night:
Sounds obvious, but just don't have it in the house. If you have to make a special effort to go to the shops to get some booze, there's an opportunity there to say no and make a change.
Low-alcohol beer - actually quite a good substitute
Getting into a sport or parkrun or something - if you find it's something you enjoy (which I appreciate not many people do!) then early-morning training with a hangover is NOT FUN. So for me getting into rowing has been enough to persuade myself that mid-week drinking is not worth it.
Good luck.

Sorry if this has already been mentioned but there was a lady on Loose Women today who used to be an alcoholic and has written a book which is apparently very helpful:The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober: Discovering A Happy, Healthy, Wealthy Alcohol-Free Life

Thanks all - yes, I watched the Adrian Chiles documentary last year. I was really interested in the "mindful drinking" concept that he talked about.

Low-alcohol beer has been a lifesaver too.

@namechange2117 I had to stop altogether but allowed myself to have a bottle of wine on a Friday night & Saturday. Easier said than done but I started with allowing myself in my mind to have my first glass of wine after 8.30pm rather than as soon as I walked in the door & found that usually by this time I didn't mind not having one at all so I didn't.

Weekends took a little longer & admittedly I do often still have a bottle of wine on Friday & another on Saturday but have found that some weekends I was happy to not drink at all and gradually some weekends I'll just have a glass of wine & decide I don't fancy another one. Once you start feeling better physically & mentally it's becomes easier & easier. One of the things that I really noticed was feeling less tired & surprisingly more positive in my outlook on life.
Good luck, it took me a while but it was worth it :-) Please feel free to message me for support

Thanks Jens - that’s really helpful and inspiring to know that it can be done!

Another reason I want to drastically cut down is that I waste so much time feeling hungover and ill, when I could be using the time to do something useful.

Depends on your personality. You may need to go cold turkey. Because most of us just can't cope with cutting down.

I can drink like a fish. All the time. At parties I drink tonnes. But never make a spectacle of myself. No one would ever talk about me. I don't do anything silly that warrants a comment. I just drink and then go home.

I don't ever get hangovers. I never have.
But I don't even notice if I've gone s few weeks. And I always manage dry January ok. But this year I have really fancied a wine when I was cooking last Sunday's roast.

I couldn't cut down so I quit. I've lost 10 pounds in 3 weeks and am sleeping properly for the first time in years.

A friend of mine my age just died of liver disease. They drank less than I did.

OP you have a real problem. I am inclined to think that completely quitting, one day at a time, perhaps with a non-alcoholic 'reward' to yourself with the savings, may be the best option. With no alcohol in the house.

A few people on here have mentioned the dangers of alcohol withdrawal. It's all too real - telling a long-term heavy drinker to quit cold turkey is terrible, terrible advice.

I say this as a recovering alcoholic with 3 seizures and 2 inpatient medical detoxes under my belt. All 3 seizures happened 3-4 days after quitting cold turkey.

To say that being hooked up to an IV, and dosed up with benzodiazepines every few hours, was a low point in my life would be something of an understatement.

JustLetMe - appreciate your concern, but when having four days off in a row (five last week) I haven’t noticed any physical withdrawal symptoms. Just a real mental craving for alcohol.

ForalltheSaints - I know I do. 70 units a week is a terrifying amount, which is why this year I’m determined to win this battle once and for all.

Following with interest

I could have written (and have actually posted today) your time exact post. I binge drink regularly, it's escalating to 2/3 times a week probably around the same amount of i it's as you. I've been struggling for a few years but did managed 8 months sober last year and it's the best I ever felt. Today I have woken up hungover again, feeling ashamed, disappointing my family and my kids have had to go to their dadas after it all got too much last week and I broke down. I have asked for help from turning point as AA is t for me. If you are drinking that much you won't be able to moderate. Alcohol is a poison, an addictive poison, and people wonder why we get addicted to something that is more addictive than heroine/crack/cocaine. Speak to your GP they can refer you? Have no alcohol in the house, read the joy of being sober, this naked mind, and kick the drink by Jason vale. They are good and helpful (somewhat?!) and change your view of alcohol, I am still reading mine and am hoping this will be my last hangover because I can't have my kids back until I've been sober 2 weeks so that's my motivation. Good luck x

OP re: your anxiety. I used to drink very heavily. It was prompted by a relationship and then a big life event which subsequently made me socially anxious. I started to self medicate as a result, but it's a downward spiral: the day after alcohol definitely made me more anxious but then drinking to alleviate that anxiety only kept the issue going. Now I've cut right back it's noticeable how much more level I feel.

You've done the right thing in acknowledging you need to do something about it. Only you will know if you can cut back alcohol rather than it cut out completely, so i wish you the very best of luck whatever you do.

Just a judge-free question purely because I'm curious and close to someone who may have an alcohol dependency, does knowing you're going to feel terrible and Ill the next day (when you do manage to get up) not do anything to put you off? I hope you're doing ok x

I like my wine too and probably drink a bottle 3 nights a week, building to 4 nights in the run up to Christmas. I hate being hungover and waking in the early hours after a wine session. I stopped drinking on 1st January and managed to turn away from the wine aisle this afternoon when temptation came calling (Friday always bottle of wine time). The craving has now passed and I'll have herbal tea and read a book instead. I'll certainly drink again but having time off alcohol has helped reset my drinking habits.

My dad was an alcoholic and died as such . I used to drink quite a lot ( admittedly only out of the house ) but have a really healthy relationship with alcohol now . Only really drinking when I go out ( which isn't often ) and not excessively. It's possible to cut back and not stop . I don't want to stop because I enjoy it but with good moderation .
I have some good friends who drink too much and it's a worry .

I have alcoholics in my family too and it is scary. I found that my glass of wine on a weekend became a bottle and then crept into the working week. I feel better for having a break.

Go to aa op, they will help. Not everyone can drink sensibly

@methe and those recommending Allan Carr. Would this work if you want to cut down but don’t want to give up - I don’t want to be brainwashed into never having a drink again accidentally!

Thanks Missing, but I’d really rather avoid AA and do this myself if I can. I hope that will be possible - if I fail to get things under control this time round then I probably will have to consider professional help.

I am in the same position - have been for 20 years after giving up drugs.

Promised myself every year I would just drink fridays and saturdays but failed.

This year is different and have so far managed it and was drinking about 1/2 litre of vodka most nights

I am well aware it’s earky days but something has changed in my head and the pros outweigh the cons. I get in from work, take all my make up off, put night dream on, do tea, watch shit TV and go to bed and read and then have a good nights sleep. Wake up in the morning feeling good. I really like it.

Good luck OP

I truly believe you can cut down - it’s yoir mindset that has to change - have you watched the Adrian Chiles documentary?

Night Cream!

Also good book is Control Alcohol by Annie Grace.