To find it impossible to cut down on drinking

[namechange2117]

NC'd for obvious reasons.

I'm 35 and have been what I would describe as a heavy drinker for the past 12 years. I used to make sure I had a few days off alcohol on 2 or 3 nights per week, but in recent years I've started drinking every night almost without exception.

On a quiet night in I'll drink a bottle of lager and between three-quarters and a full bottle of red wine to myself; and if I'm out with DH it can be four or five large glasses of wine plus several cocktails. I'd say I drink about 70-80 units per week on average, which is alarming when you consider the government's recommended amount for women is 14 units.

I'm typing this after waking up with yet another bad hangover this morning, not getting out of bed until midday (we don't have DC's!) and struggling to do any work at all today as a result of feeling so rough. The drinking regularly affects my work performance and I'd say I lose at least a day - maybe more - a week due to being hung over.

Today I feel awful physically with an aching head, nausea and exhaustion. I'm also irritable, depressed and ashamed/worried that I've wasted a full day's work, which I will now have to catch up over the weekend.

I wish I could cut right down on alcohol to the point where I'm only consuming 20 units per week at most, with at least four days off each week. I'm worried about my health and ashamed of how I've made a fool of myself on several occasions due to alcohol - falling over at a recent party in front of guests and slurring my speech being two examples. The amount of money I spend on booze is far too much and DH and I do want to TTC at some point too.

The problem is that I'm just really struggling to kick the habit. I really enjoy the taste of alcohol and the feeling of "relaxing with a glass of wine after a long day". I feel like I drink mainly to escape the pressures of work (I'm self-employed and whilst I do enjoy my job, it's also very stressful) and of life in general (I'm a very anxious person and don't really enjoy socialising). DH is also a big drinker which doesn't help, and much of our free time revolves around alcohol - dining out and or drinking down the pub.

Am I being unreasonable to carry on drinking like this and to not have the will power to cut down?

It's so easy to get into that routine and so hard to break it. We weren't drinking as much as you however actually bought non alcoholic beer to still have the taste without the hangover and just started taken he car more and more places - was more due to wanting to break the routine of sitting in the house drinking every Friday Saturday night and seeing no one else for us. Good luck

I am sober 6 years. Just keep trying. You'll find the way that works for you. It isn't magic but it just takes experiments. Forgive yourself if you fail and always remember how far you have come with every good alcohol free day.
All the best
You can do it

I could have written this op but I think I’m a stage before you (having alcohol free days x2 per week and maybe drinking 3 quarters of a bottle of wine on the other nights, but with one night a week of drinking even more.
I know I need to cut down. My life is extremely stressful at the moment and the alcohol helps. But I need to sort it. I can’t face giving up though.

OP, I work in health and I'm sorry to say your alcohol consumption has reached very problematic levels. To be brutally honest you will need professional help to cut down your drinking- at the level you drink you are at serious risk of alcohol withdrawal if you cut down and may need a proper detox.

If you conceive and drink at that level your baby will almost certainly suffer Foetal Alcohol Syndrome.

I'm sorry to be so blunt but sometimes it's needed in order to get help. You obviously want help or you would not have posted. Please see your GP asap.

That Adrian Chiles programme was really interesting. He was so shocked to see just how much he was drinking. He didn't get drunk, he didn't argue when he'd had a few, he didn't drink alone, and usually didn't drink in the day time. But all of his leisure activities involved drinking and he was up to nearly 100 units a week.

He was using an app called Drink Less that logged his drinking. It might be a start to go on something like that and be brutally honest about how many drinks you've had over the last week.

A friend of mine hasn't drunk for a year and did it through Jason Vale's book. She said she stopped instantly - it was as though she was hypnotised. She read it every day for months, but when she stopped reading it she still didn't want to drink.

I think you'd have to replace drinking with something else, though, and if your husband continues to drink at that level you may end up having to make a decision whether to go back to drinking and stay with him, or start a different life without him.

This org is v good. Good luck!

drinkwiseagewell.org.uk

It sounds like you’ve got to the place where alcohol is interfering with your ability to function.

Also alcohol may be making you more anxious. I know it does with me. It is also a depressant.

I would speak to your GP. If that seems too big a step, talk to your dh and agree to cut down and he has to as well. Add up the total cost you’re spending on alcohol a week. Make a diary of how much you’re having. It should hopefully shock you into action.

I know how hard it is although I don’t drink that much but I did drink every night. I just told myself I’d stop and did for a few nights. I do this quite frequently! The difference has been amazing - and it helps keeps my consumption down.
The trick for me is not reaching for wine at “wine o’clock”. Also not buying wine in the weekly shop and not immediately buying another box from our wine subscription when we run out. Without it in the house I can’t drink it!

It's maybe worthwhile saying that I found it extremely easy to stop drinking the moment I found out I was pregnant. Both times. Even at the levels the op is drinking she might find pregnancy is the catalyst so stopping completely. Obviously everyone is different.

OP, I will just say it again - at the level you are drinking it is dangerous to cut down/stop without medical supervision. That's how serious this problem is. Please seek medical advice asap. Alcohol Withdrawl Syndrome is extremely serious

www.drinkaware.co.uk/alcohol-facts/health-effects-of-alcohol/mental-health/alcohol-withdrawal-symptoms/

Yes I couldn’t touch it when pregnant. However I think op needs to sort it before ttc as there’s a risk that she still can’t stop. Also there’s less chance of conceiving anyway!

I'd say, take the courage to go to your GP and ask for blood tests to check the state of your liver.
That may be the catalyst for you to make changes.
You sound like you want to make a change.
Your GP will be sympathetic and helpful and you can arrest further damage.
Good luck it'll be a better way forward.

I think it’s the alcohol which is making you anxious. It’s a known side effect of heavy regular drinking which can last days after your last drink.

Alcohol is the most fiendish of drugs. It makes you think it’s the cure to your depression, anxiety, paranoia, insomnia but really it’s often the cause especially if you’ve been drinking heavily for many years.

The first few days after stopping you’ll still feel shit and may actually sleep even worse as your body is now so used to alcohol that it probably thinks alcohol is a bodily fluid that it requires to wind down and go to sleep. After about one week of sobriety the mental health issues should start to reduce and after two/three weeks, you will feel like a new person. Good luck.

Hi Op, please have a look at this site: www.the-sinclair-method.com

And google Claudia Christian TED talk and the One Little Pill documentary.

TSM is a method of curing alcohol use disorder that doesn’t require you to give up alcohol completely. It’s very effective.

You can also google the Options Save Lives forum for more help and support.

Pm me if you want more info about TSM. And good luck!

Get yourself the Allen Carr How to stop drinking book. Enrol yourself in a couple of exercise classes on weekday evenings, it will give you something else to do rather than opening a bottle of wine, and it will improve your mental health and make you feel better without the need for alcohol. And if you definitely want a family, then go out tomorrow and buy yourself some folic acid, get started on it and start TTC. A new exciting focus will help and it will give you a reason to stop drinking.

You've got yourself into a rut but with a few changes you can totally do this and there's lots of exciting things in store for you in the future!

Apologies, I haven't read the full thread but it sounds to me like you want the change so go for it. Ime drs are not the place to go, it takes immense courage to go and then you get told that they don't deal with it ( they don't) it's outsourced. There are many options. A lot of them are free and they are non-judgemental, although asking for help in the first place can be extremely daunting. Aquarius is available nationwide but i am currently with change, grow, live and they have been amazing. See what is available locally. Whoever it is will support you with whatever changes you choose to make whether cutting down our total abstinence. There are also various apps available such as breaking free which can help support you at home. It is not easy but you can do it. All the very best, and well done for seeking help and having the courage to post on here x

P.s. you really do need to seek professional advice and don't "just stop" as you are risking very serious withdrawal. Also don't worry that you are the only one drinking to excess and everyone has their life under perfect control. It was this idea that stopped me seeking help earlier as in my mind other mother's of young children who drank a bit every day either didn't exist or were totally despicable. That is (but hopefully soon will be was) me. Yes, loads of us "drink to cope with life" and the "despicable" part was my own brain doing its usual self hate rather than how I'd actually see anyone else. We are very good at judging ourselves and finding ourselves wanting.

Hi OP, your post struck a chord with me. I started as a drinker on weekends only, got into a stressful job and it crept up to ‘white wine Wednesday, thirsty Thursday’ as a way to unwind. Got into probably the most stressful job of my career which resulted in 1-2 bottles of wine a night mixed in with a bit of weed. I justified it to myself by saying I wasn’t an alcoholic because I enjoyed a naice wine and of course I was very sociable with it.

3 months ago I made a very conscious effort to have at least 2 days alcohol free and cheated on them. That’s when I realised I had a bit of a problem. I was unemployed, no motivation and no money. I thankfully got a job that I love in the past 6 weeks and have reduced my drinking to Friday and Saturday only. And I actually really appreciate it more but it’s not scary to think of a Saturday night sober. Not to say that there’s sometimes I don’t come home and I want to crack open some wine but that’s more to do with breaking the habit.

I think the point I’m making is that alcohol is more of a reaction rather than the reason, IYSWIM. In my case it was a reaction to stress. Now I recognise this, it’s a bit easier to recognise and manage it. It’s the age old adage that once you see the monster, it’s not as scary. I get worse hangovers now though! 2 Gins and the next day I know I’ve had a drink which is shit, but it reinforces why I needed to make the change; before I would’ve never noticed how I’d become used to it. I’ve lost 2 st in 3 months too if that’s any incentive and saved a shedload of cash when I add it up, but that kinda gets lost in day to day spending!

Good luck xx

I’m not going to beat about the bush, OP. Your level of alcohol consumption and admitting that you “find it impossible to cut down drinking” indicate that you have a drink problem.

I sympathise with your situation because I too love alcohol. I love wine, I love whisky and I love beer even more. I’m a proper beer geek, in fact. My way of keeping a lid on my alcohol consumption is that I do not consume alcohol on Mondays, Tuesdays or Wednesdays. Full stop. This means that I don’t drink between Sunday evening and Thursday evening, giving myself almost four fully dry days each week.

It’s tough to cut down on something you love, particularly if it’s just sitting there in the fridge, tempting you. For that reason, I don’t keep beer or wine in the fridge, so if I want one, I have to plan ahead to chill it.

If a similar approach isn’t working for you, I think you need to seek help.

Good luck.

Thanks everyone for the replies - some hard to read but fair comments there.

In response to some posters - I did actually have a general blood test done several months ago (which covered the liver, kidneys, thyroid amongst other things) and everything came back fine. I was amazed there wasn't anything wrong with my liver.

Thank you for all the suggestions of books and methods - I will look into them. I don't want to give up alcohol 100% to be honest, as it's something I really enjoy. I just want to get down to normal and safe levels, i.e. no more than 20 units a week at most.

One bit of advice that's resonated with me is to just take it one day at a time - so promising myself that come hell or high water I won't drink for today, then repeat tomorrow, the next day and hopefully ad infinitum.

I don't know if you saw the Adrian chiles programme but recommend it. One of the things that stuck with me was that his blood tests were fine but an ultrasound on his liver showed there were some problems. I don't think liver problems show up in blood until they are more severe.

@brokenharbour I was a bit put off that programme when I read that Adrian said "the word alcoholic is outdated", which didn't resonate with me at all - how is it outdated? I am planning to watch though as I'm sure it will have some useful insights.

the scaremongering and guilting posts really do nothing but act as a vent for the posters. alcoholics know all this.

allen carr book stop drinking is excellent. the naked mind experiment is good too. the joy of sobriety book by catherine..... something is good.

I think, like you said, getting it down to recommended levels is the best way forward. If you do, in time, get pregnant or start ttc will you stop altogether as is recommended? That will be easier to do if you’ve already cut down. I used to drink a lot in my twenties. I was similar to you in that I hated the hangovers and the embarrassing behaviour and wanted to cut down. I did this probably by replacing wine with tea and not going out so much. I also remember having 4 months of not drinking and realising I could do it. Then when I tried to conceive I just stopped altogether. Couldn’t contemplate damaging my baby for my own pleasure. Then after having baby you are just too tired and your wants and needs are no longer relevant as your whole life is about caring for them. As they have got older I do occasionally drink if I’ve got a night off from the kids but only a few. But I tend to prefer watching a movie with a cuppa more my thing than anything boozey these days.
If you really want to cut down then you will.

The Adrian Chiles programme is very interesting and you sound in a very similar situation to him. Your liver is unlikely to be OK. He had the same thing, that blood tests were OK but an actual ultrasound of his liver showed damage.
I think if you find it hard to cut down, your probably need to stop.

My brother was like you and felt he couldn't cut down and so he stopped. He hasn't drunk for about a year now and feels so much better.

Thank you both. I'm also feeling incredibly lethargic and demotivated at the moment, which is especially worrying since I'm self-employed and need to work to keep a roof over my head. I'm not sure whether it's due to lack of holidays (I've only had one long weekend away this year), the excessive drinking or both...