To find it impossible to cut down on drinking

[namechange2117]

NC'd for obvious reasons.

I'm 35 and have been what I would describe as a heavy drinker for the past 12 years. I used to make sure I had a few days off alcohol on 2 or 3 nights per week, but in recent years I've started drinking every night almost without exception.

On a quiet night in I'll drink a bottle of lager and between three-quarters and a full bottle of red wine to myself; and if I'm out with DH it can be four or five large glasses of wine plus several cocktails. I'd say I drink about 70-80 units per week on average, which is alarming when you consider the government's recommended amount for women is 14 units.

I'm typing this after waking up with yet another bad hangover this morning, not getting out of bed until midday (we don't have DC's!) and struggling to do any work at all today as a result of feeling so rough. The drinking regularly affects my work performance and I'd say I lose at least a day - maybe more - a week due to being hung over.

Today I feel awful physically with an aching head, nausea and exhaustion. I'm also irritable, depressed and ashamed/worried that I've wasted a full day's work, which I will now have to catch up over the weekend.

I wish I could cut right down on alcohol to the point where I'm only consuming 20 units per week at most, with at least four days off each week. I'm worried about my health and ashamed of how I've made a fool of myself on several occasions due to alcohol - falling over at a recent party in front of guests and slurring my speech being two examples. The amount of money I spend on booze is far too much and DH and I do want to TTC at some point too.

The problem is that I'm just really struggling to kick the habit. I really enjoy the taste of alcohol and the feeling of "relaxing with a glass of wine after a long day". I feel like I drink mainly to escape the pressures of work (I'm self-employed and whilst I do enjoy my job, it's also very stressful) and of life in general (I'm a very anxious person and don't really enjoy socialising). DH is also a big drinker which doesn't help, and much of our free time revolves around alcohol - dining out and or drinking down the pub.

Am I being unreasonable to carry on drinking like this and to not have the will power to cut down?

DH and I do want to TTC at some point too.

^Please tell me you are not serious. You are an alcoholic. And so is your husband by the sounds of it. You both aren’t fit to bring a child into this world until you quit drinking.

I really don’t think I need a medical detox - I have stopped drinking for a week or so before (January last year) and had no ill effects. In fact I felt great!

I drank on Sunday (about 10 units) but managed to have a night off yesterday - the first one in months. It’s a nice (if strange!) feeling waking up clear-headed and sober. I’m going to try and not drink for the next three nights as well. I’m planning to watch the Adrian Chiles programme tonight and drink lots of herbal tea as @lonelycrab suggested. I’m also going to order some “quit lit” to help with motivation.

Well done OP on your start. I’m 2 years sober (I couldn’t drink a bit but then stop so for me abstinence is the answer). It’s worth it . Feel free to PM if you want.
And yes, ignore the medical detox stuff upthread. I know people are concerned but drink can be an issue without it getting quite that far. Good luck!

Well done OP!!
Trying to cut down here too.
I have found these things motivating:

The Soberistas website
Club Sober page
Love Sober podcast

Also if you do find you need more help look at the Smart Recovery programme - it's not all religious like AA (yes they say they are not religious but they seemed like that to me what wirh. All the praying style and the bible-like book! (non religious person here).

Sainsbury's sparking AF wine is really quite nice if you want something to drink whilst other people are drinking at a party or something. There are loads of good AF alternatives these days.

Self care seems to be the best tactic - plan nice things to do instead of drinking... walks / lunches/ massages/ films / theatre/ galleries / swimming running basically all exercise will give you a boost!

Good luck

Thank you Bodear and Smiled. One thing that's helping me is thinking about all the money I could potentially save. I think DH and I probably spend about £15 per night on drinking at home (and a lot more if we go out, obviously). If I/we can stop drinking on four nights a week, that's £60 saved every week, or £240 a month and almost £2900 per year - enough to pay for a wonderful holiday.

I find that Becks Blues really help too.

Whatever motivates you until it becomes a habit is great. What are your plans tonight OP?

@bodear Thanks for asking. I was working late on a big project for an important client, which has helped me stay off the booze until now. I’m now cooking a quick dinner and have almost finished my first bottle of Becks Blue. It’s hard as that “just finished work” couple of hours is definitely one of my wine trigger times. Feeling fedup and tired. God this is tough!

Stick with it! You’ve made the decision to change/ cut down/ quit and that’s the hardest step. If all else fails just go to bed with a cuppa and think that tomorrow will be better. Good luck still x

@bodear cheers - I really appreciate the support. Taking one day at a time and just focusing hard on making it through to bedtime is definitely helping.

Have you had a chance to watch the Adrian Chiles programme yet?

I came on to recommend it but I see others have already done that.

OP once you push through the ‘just finished work ‘ its OK

I was the same would get through the door and have a wine (and a fag )

It was way easier than I thought in the end

You get used to it , you just push through and have a soft drink instead

The good thing is you want to stop

You just need to stop . You can read all the books and read all you want . But put simply tonight don’t have a drink . Try to not have anything tonight (Wednesday )

Hey OP, how are you feeling today?

Arriviste, I’m planning to watch Adrian Chiles tonight - looking forward to it.

@bodear Thanks for checking in. I’ve been feeling much fresher waking up in the mornings, which is lovely, but a bit groggy, irritable and tired by the late afternoon/evening - I don’t know if that’s to do with giving up the booze or not. Overall though I’m feeling quite a bit better today than I did at the beginning of the week. I’m on the non-alcoholic beers again this evening and am planning to stay sober tomorrow night as well (which could prove trickier as DH is drinking Thursday to Sunday while I’m doing Friday to Sunday...) Proud that I’ve managed three nights now though (assuming I make it through this evening!)

That’s great, well done. I think your body takes a while to adjust; I know I did. My sleep totally changed for example. I have far fewer dreams now. Will your DH be supportive tomorrow?

Well done ! Bet you never thought
You would manage 3

Go girl !

allen carr book stop drinking is excellent. the naked mind experiment is good too. the joy of sobriety book by catherine..... something is good

Read these.
We are all addicted to alcohol, unless teetotal, it is an addictive drug. So just wanting to drink 'normally' is hard because the drug is making you crave more. It isn't really that it tastes nice though a cold drink is pleasant on a hot day, it's the need for the alcohol driving it. If it was not the alcohol we would all be sipping fruit juice or alcohol free beer. But that is never enough, we kid ourselves that it is the taste of the drinks but it is the taste only because in our brain that taste means we are imbibing the drug (which will fix our craving).
We are brainwased from childhood to think drink means style, class, fun, parties. It rakes in millions in revenue for the gov so they encourage it. Advertising costs the drinks cos millions, but it's worth it, we are mugs.

I was nightly drinker and so are most of my family. I'd had enough of the aches and pains, the hangovers, the upset stomach, the panic thinking 'oh god, what did I say'?, tiredness and not wanting to be like my drunk misersble aunts and uncles.

The third time I did dry January I thought, I'm not desperate to drink on the 1st Feb...I feel healthier and happier and I'm going to keep going. (Note after 3 yrs of dry jans!)

I still drink but may be once a fortnight but the only way to begin with was to stop totally for a while and change my habits and enjoy waking up fresher...lost 10lb too .

Hey OP, how are you getting on tonight?

Hi OP, how was your weekend? Don’t beat yourself up if things didn’t go to plan x

Trying for a sober October here too.
Well done on the 3 days op!
Keep at it!
You can do this!!!

I just wanted to update on this thread, as it's been a while since I posted. Unfortunately I fell off the wagon in late September and was back to my usual 70-80 units per week by the end of last year.

However, since 1st January I've been determined to cut down my drinking, so that I have four nights of abstinence per week but allow myself to drink on the other three nights. This has meant that I've cut my alcohol consumption down from 70-80 units to 40 per week. I realise it's still almost three times over the recommended weekly allowance, but it's still a vast improvement on before.

I've stuck to this routine for the first three weeks of January (assuming I don't drink tonight!) However, I'm concerned that I'm still not managing to moderate very well on my allocated drinking nights. My next goal is therefore to cut down from 40 to 30 units this week and ultimately to reach 20 units per week.

Thanks for the comments and support.

That’s great OP! Well done!

Hi OP, I fully understand as I myself have been in that situation. It is so easy to do. I also found myself drinking a bottle of wine every evening.
I still drink at weekends and can now just have a few glasses of wine rather than a bottle.
The way I did it was to not drink any alcohol at all in the evening but instead drinking a tonic water with ice & lemon in a wine glass which I really enjoyed or having a cup of herbal tea, I found that if I drank a glass I would drink the bottle so best to avoid completely during the week.

It's amazing how much better I feel for it especially mentally, my outlook is so much more positive.
Good luck & don't be afraid to get help if you feel it would help you

You need to watch this. www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b0bhkc8b

Thanks Pachy. @Jens303 that's very inspiring! How did you manage to cut down from drinking a bottle to just having a couple of glasses? I think my problem is that I get carried away after a few drinks, become more relaxed and think, screw it, I'm having a good time, let's just finish the bottle and to hell with how I will feel the next morning.

One technique I've thought of trying is to alternate alcoholic and non-alcoholic drinks on the nights when I do drink.