Help me understand people who are consistently late

[Namechangemum100]

I'm.meeting a friend today, I have deliberately told her the meet time is 30 minutes earlier than it should be as I know for sure she will be late, she always is.

I am one of those people who is always on time, I get ridiculous anxiety if I'm running late and it's just the way I am, but I find myself constantly waiting around for other people, and I just don't understand it.

If you are the type of person who is always late (15 minutes plus and excluding unavoidable traffic etc ), whats your reasoning? I have some friends who will actually say "oh I'll be late to xyz, you know me"...what does this mean?! How?! You know the time of meeting, why is it so hard? Some people will actually let me know they are "running late" at the actual meet time...how did you not forsee this situation 10-15 minutes ago and give a heads up?!

I'm not trying to be goady, if I understand the reasons why I think I might find it less frustrating.

at least accept that it isn't about YOU

Well of course it is about you

No, the consequences affect you and you are dully entitled to be pissed off / go home / go NC but unless you are the only person they're late for they aren't late because its you. I was talking about people who are always late and scatty and disorganised aren't doing it because they don't care about your feelings and don't give a shit about messing you around like people on here claim. They're late because they're them. Of course they should text updates if possible, try not to be late, apologise etc but all the "it's because they don't respect you or value you and think they're so much more important" is a load of crap in most cases.

Here's a tip for anyone suffering from a late, but otherwise nice friend: have a good book to read while you are waiting

If I'd wanted to read a book, I could have done it at home, for free. Not spent time and money to travel on a train and sit in a coffee shop.

Here's a tip for anyone suffering from a late, but otherwise nice friend: have a good book to read while you are waiting

Here's another tip - selfish people aren't really very nice at all, so ditch that so called 'friend' to make space in your life for nicer, more considerate friends.

TBF the “bring a good book” tip is useful for situations where you might reasonably expect to have to wait around.

Hospital appointments, airports, etc.

Although I have to admit I’d be pretty hacked off if a friend said anything along the lines of “you know me, I’m always late, you should take a good book to read while you wait for me”

The keys in the shoebox thing seems so contrived and bound to fail. Even a key hook to me seems like an unwise idea for anyone is isn't otherwise an already organised person.

It relies on you putting the item in the place. Which a flaky type clearly won't do.

Everything crucial I need to leave the house is in my handbag, which sits in the same place when I'm at home.

Wallet (containing bank card, buds pass, etc)
Keys
Work access card
Umbrella
Sunnies
Glasses
Etc

I get home, unlock door and immediately drop my keys into the bag I'm holding. I know, right?? Genius idea - no making my way into the house and then putting them down somewhere random.

Handbag usually gets dumped on my bed, but then transferred to its usual sitting place. With eeeeevvvvvvverything I need to leave the house sitting safely within.

If I want to use a different handbag, then everything gets taken out and transferred into the other bag, taking me less than 10 seconds.

Honestly, the FAFFING some of you seem to love to indulge in. 😭

But what if you use a different bag at different times of going out? Sometimes I use a small handbag, other times a rucksack. I also don't always take my bag when I go out, e.g. if I was taking the rubbish down, or checking the car for something I'd left in there. I'd take my keys, but no bag. Therefore, danger of me coming in holding the keys but no bag and on autopilot, putting them somewhere random. If your key hook/shoebox/whatever is within reach of the door then it's really no different to putting the key back in the bag and it's always there, whether you have a bag or not.

I know for me the factor in losing them tends to be that my coming-in-the-door routine is interrupted. For example I left DH's keys in the door twice - because we all came in carrying shopping, and in hindsight, I can see my thought process - I left the keys in the door knowing that everyone needed to get in fast and out of the way plus I was going to put my shoes on the shoe rack in a minute so I'd get them then. DH being helpful closes the door. This interrupts my thought process so by the time I've put the carton down in the kitchen (which is right next door - I can lose track in milliseconds) I look back, see the closed door, assume there's nothing left to be done. My shoes get taken off at some later time and left lying around, and the key is completely forgotten until a helpful neighbour rings the doorbell to alert us.

If I'd put the carton down and come into the hallway to see the open door with the keys in, I would have taken off my shoes and replaced the key onto the right hook, but I didn't have that cue, so I didn't do it.

I never have more than one handbag. The chaos of moving between bags is too much mor me. It always goes wrong.

The solution just seems inordinately simple to me, but I can see there are countless ways to faff it up, so...

I mean it's just a fact of human life, misplacing things, just some do it more often than others. DH is one of the most organised, together people I know and yet when we first moved into this flat he managed to lose his wallet for so long he panicked and cancelled all his bank cards/driving licence. He found it 20 minutes later - turned out, he'd come in desperate for the loo at the same time as DS1, put it down on top of the cistern in the smaller toilet, and then moved a wardrobe door over the door of that toilet meaning that it was inaccessible and he didn't think to look there.

Well you'll be pleased to know that I was not late for anything today, but got to the library and realised my purse wasn't in my bag, so had to come home and drive kids to hairdresser rather than walk from the library as I planned. It was on the floor by the sofa. I don't know why.

I have a friend who is always late. I meet her where we are going - so I'll go in to the gallery or film or set off with the dog.

' you're always late' I say cheerfully ' so I'll go in/ start our walk, and you catch me up if you're late'

She doesn't like this. I'm supposed to wait for her ladyship to turn up. I think it's fair. That way, if she's late I don't miss out.

Last time, she said ' I'm always late, you could wait!'

No I can't. I won't get the time back. Life isn't a dress rehearsal.

I find that I'm okay if it's a normal routine, but if it's a Sunday, or the school holidays and the DC are away somewhere, I'll forget my Nectar card or my keys or something.

Why wouldn't your nectar card just be in your purse with all your other cards.

The keys in the shoebox thing seems so contrived and bound to fail

What is contrived about a box of shoes on the shoe rack immediately behind the front door??

Why wouldn't your nectar card just be in your purse with all your other cards because you have it back off the cashier, the kid is moaning for something he can't have, someone is tutting behind you so you move. Card goes in pocket as it's quicker. Then you mean to move it but purse is bottom of bag under other crap. So you put it on the side when you wash those trousers

I knew there'd be a long-fangled, it's-stressful-just-reading-it reason why.

Of course Dowager, I don't lose things easily, I try hard!!

I don't own a purse or a handbag. Cards, money and coupons live in a pot on a bureau in our room. On school days I know what I need. Also on Saturdays. Sundays and when the DC are away are different, so I might forget something. The incident with the keys might also have been down to low blood sugar as I'd been feeling nauseous.

I also don't always take my bag when I go out, e.g. if I was taking the rubbish down, or checking the car for something I'd left in there. I'd take my keys

I have a spare key which lives in a drawer. I use that one if I'm putting the rubbish out or nipping to the postbox. Main set doesn't leave my bag except when I'm entering or leaving the house.

Someone who is 15 minutes late is not "selfish", just a late person. Besides, everyone has some flaws and weaknesses, so why not to relax the anus about it all a bit and just chill? Everyone seems so on edge these days. Look, such a trivial matter - and 700 messages. Wow. it really hit the nerve.

I don’t think it’s fair to say If people are late they don’t care about you.
Personally I aim to be on time & am 90% of time. But I am late every now & then. There are sometimes last minute hiccups- my daughter asked me to hold her hand whilst she was on the toilet, other daughter has a poo explosion which requires change of clothes & then re-dressing her is like wrestling a wild animal. The list can go on.

Personally I aim to be on time & am 90% of time.

Then you're not one of the people we are complaining about.

Everyone is late sometimes.

We are complaining about people who are habitually late.

Personally I aim to be on time & am 90% of time. But I am late every now & then. There are sometimes last minute hiccups- my daughter asked me to hold her hand whilst she was on the toilet, other daughter has a poo explosion which requires change of clothes & then re-dressing her is like wrestling a wild animal. The list can go on.

But we are not talking bout that.We are all late sometimes its the people who are late all the time and think they are adorable.Thats what boils peoples piss.

Exactly - the thread is about consistently late people, Teeniemiff.

If I knew why the fuck I was late, I probably wouldn't be late so much. I can be 10 minutes late to work on the Monday, so on the Tuesday I set the alarm 10 minutes earlier, but still leave the house at the same time despite as far as I can tell doing exactly the same. So I'm still 10 minutes late for work on the Tuesday. So on the Wednesday I get up 10 minutes before that, and actually do leave the house 10 minutes earlier, but still get to work 10 minutes late, having gained nothing. So now I've lost 20 minutes sleep and not been any earlier. I have insomnia, so now instead of 5 hours sleep I've had 4 hrs 40, and still been 10 minutes late. So the next day, do I cut my sleep to 4 1/2 hours? But will that 10 minutes make any difference, given that the 2 previous ones didn't... But I do set my alarm earlier. By now, I'm so sleep deprived that everything takes longer, so I actually get to work 5 mins later...etc

(Work forgives me, because I put in many extra hours)

I presume it has something to do with dyspraxia, as I seem to hit all the criteria. I've missed trains, and excursions. The only reason I've not missed planes is that I get to the airport the night before. For a lunchtime flight.

Oh, and my purse, keys, id badge etc are all in my handbag, so not looking for them...