'Boys don't cry in this class.'

[HelloGabriel]

DD has just started P5 (we're in NI, not sure what this equates to elsewhere, children are 8/9 years old).

She told me and DH earlier that her new teacher doesn't tolerate crying from boys in her class and proceeded to tell us about the following two events earlier that day:

Boy one, having produced an unacceptable number of wrong answers in his maths test, was asked to come to the front of the class to explain himself to everyone. He started to cry and when he went to wipe the tears away, teacher grabbed (DD's word) his arm and tells him 'boys don't cry in this class'.

Boy two, whose handwriting has allegedly taken a turn for the worse today, again is brought to the front for an explanation, and the exact same scenario unfolds. DD tells me she's never seen this boy cry before in all their years at school, but that's maybe irrelevant.

Is this normal? Not even the 'boys don't cry' shit but grabbing a child's arm to prevent them wiping tears away seems harsh to me. Then again I'm not a teacher, maybe crying gets tiresome.

I can't figure out why it's annoying me so much, maybe I'm overreacting or maybe it's been so long since my primary school days, I need to toughen up.

DD funnily enough doesn't seem too phased by it. I'm not sure what teacher's stance on crying girls is and I'm not too keen to find out.

Are you really asking if this is normal? And not what time this morning is appropriate to phone the head and
Bollock them?

She may not be fazed by it but those poor boys will be. What a bully. It’s not 1963 anymore.

Genuinely haven't a clue what to do C0unt as this teacher seems to have been here for years (sorry for drip feed) and I'd commented to DH that she's bound to have had her fair share of complaints over the years and maybe isn't phased by it.

Admittedly DH said had it been DD he'd have said something this morning to teacher.

No. Not normal at all. Crying can get tiresome but you don’t let the kids see that - and certainly don’t humiliate them .

I try and deal with criers as discretely as possible, boys or girls.

Someone needs to have a word with the teacher - “boys don’t cry” is an antiquated and dangerous message .

Can believe it

Have you just moved there?

Of course it’s not normal. We are not in Victorian times. I would be complaining and I’m not one to complain readily.

I’d be up to see the Head so fast there’d be scorch marks on the pavement. How dare he shame and humiliate children! What utterly shit classroom management. It isn’t the 1950’s ffs!

We've been here for 8 years.

Teacher is a woman.

I think there are three unpleasant things here. The boys don't cry comment, the holding their arm but aksi bringing them to the front to explain to the class?? All sounds v bullying

Sorry ‘she’ not ‘he’.

Also it's not normal to ask a child to come to the front and "explain themselves" if they haven't done their work correctly.

Why do they have to go up and explain themselves to the class? That's humiliating enough in itself, no wonder they are crying That teacher is a bully.

What type of school is it ? State or private?

Glad it's not just me then.

Wtf do I do? Is it my place to complain even though it wasn't my child in tears? Daresay DD's day will come, her handwriting and maths can have 'off' days!

You definitely need to complain . This is not acceptable in any way shape or form

I'm usually in the 'let the teacher get on with it' crowd but this would have me livid. I would check with a couple of other parents, if they'd heard the same and maybe even parents in older years - it's unlikely but your DD could be exaggerated or not 100% accurate with the words (seriously unlikely but I'd double check)..... then I'd be going to see the head. I wouldn't care if it wasn't my child, I wouldn't want me child to hear or see such antiquated messages.

Very hard as it’s not your child but I would go to the head - I would normally say CT first but this is a slightly different situation as it’s not your DD. I would ask the head for a quiet word and explain what your DD told you.

Do you find the Head approachable?

And people wonder why we have an issue with male mental health,, and them thinking they have to be tough. Poor kids.

This has to be brought to the Head's attention.

Perhaps these strategies only come into play at this age!

You do get some pretty harsh people in that culture, which I had a lot of exposure to growing up. And a lot of old school sexism and stereotypes and machismo about boys/men...

I would be furious. The "boys don't cry" message is dangerous. Really fucking dangerous.

I'm really upset reading your OP. Please contact the school. Those poor children.

There’s so much wrong with what that teacher is doing. She’s humiliating those childrem in front of their peers, then grabbing their arm away telling them ‘boys don’t cry’. It’s not the 60s anymore.

You must see the head about all of this.

I’m a teacher. I’ve also seen this happen when I was a trainee in a class where the teacher did this. It’s entirely unacceptable. The poor kids will be so shaken and ashamed and frightened. Take a firm stand. To be honest someone who can say that can’t be reformed. They need to go. I have zero tolerance for bullying teachers. They are a very tiny bit real minority and it makes me so angry.

That sounds hideous. Asking kids to come to the front and give an explanation for deliberate misbehaviour would bevone thing but doing badly on a testbiz cruel.

As a Mum of a boy who is very sensitive it would absolutely break my heart if this happened to him.... if a parent in my sons class knew about it and I didn't I would absolutely hope that parent would raise it and complain, please say something for those poor boys who's mothers may well be unaware xx