'Boys don't cry in this class.'

[HelloGabriel]

DD has just started P5 (we're in NI, not sure what this equates to elsewhere, children are 8/9 years old).

She told me and DH earlier that her new teacher doesn't tolerate crying from boys in her class and proceeded to tell us about the following two events earlier that day:

Boy one, having produced an unacceptable number of wrong answers in his maths test, was asked to come to the front of the class to explain himself to everyone. He started to cry and when he went to wipe the tears away, teacher grabbed (DD's word) his arm and tells him 'boys don't cry in this class'.

Boy two, whose handwriting has allegedly taken a turn for the worse today, again is brought to the front for an explanation, and the exact same scenario unfolds. DD tells me she's never seen this boy cry before in all their years at school, but that's maybe irrelevant.

Is this normal? Not even the 'boys don't cry' shit but grabbing a child's arm to prevent them wiping tears away seems harsh to me. Then again I'm not a teacher, maybe crying gets tiresome.

I can't figure out why it's annoying me so much, maybe I'm overreacting or maybe it's been so long since my primary school days, I need to toughen up.

DD funnily enough doesn't seem too phased by it. I'm not sure what teacher's stance on crying girls is and I'm not too keen to find out.

Bobaboutwhat I get what you're saying and why but there really would be no point the OP going to the governors at this stage. They would simply refer her to the school's complaints procedure, which, more than likely would say to take any concerns to the headteacher. The governors would not get involved unless the head's actions weren't satisfactory in resolving the issue.

I'm really glad you are standing up for these boys OP.

I'm glad you're still going to complain to the Head about this, it needs as many parents' disapproval as possible to ensure something is done. I had teachers like this in the 70s, pp are absolutely right in saying it is very damaging.

All through ds's prolonged labour (two days in total) I had my teacher's voice in my head telling me how slow I was and I felt the total humiliation and misery over again, and this happens every time I feel I am being slow and stupid. (I would have dreamed of getting 15 out of 18 in maths, I was so bad I wasn't allowed to sit Maths O Grade and had to do Arithmetic only instead. Still really bad and can't do ds's Y5 maths...)

Children are only too well aware of their failings and don't need anyone pointing them out to them, and fear of humiliation like this is not conducive to good learning. For the sakes of all the children in the class, this teacher needs to be stopped.

Yes write a letter. And request that your daughter be moved out of this bullying cow’s class ASAP, because you are right one day it will be your daughter who messes up a spelling test. My child would be gone from the school if I heard that story.

The teacher sounds like a bully. Pulling a child up to the front of the class to explain is unacceptable and then to react like that to them crying is awful. I'd cry if you pulled me up in front of a room full of people to explain why I got something wrong too!

Please complain, the more evidence the head teacher has of this teacher being a dick the better.

Well done OP!
Teacher sounds like such a cow.
Don’t let it slide.

HelloGabriel, have answered via pm

As a teacher and a parent I say talk to then head and take the letter with you.
It is important for the school to see there is unequivocal support for those who have already complained.

Also from your own child's point of view, she has told you her worries and you are doing something about it. You are strengthening the bond of trust and honesty that is so so important as they get older. She will know that you are 100% on her side and will go to bat for her when she has something to say. How valuable will that be in the teenage years!

Of course you can complain. The children, including your DD, shouldn't be exposed to such sexist behaviour.

I'd be speaking to the HT. I wouldn't want my DC witnessing such awful treatment of a child, even if they were never in the receiving end themselves. I'd want my child out of that class.

The whole thing sounds awful, very cruel of the teacher to try to shame the children in the first place. It also sounds as if the teacher was trying to goad the two boys into crying, purely to reel out the 'boys don't cry' line. And yes incredibly sexist. Be very glad your daughter has the sense to question what has happened and please do complain!

It sounds quite abusive really, I imagine an incident like that might stick in the boys' minds for years

If my child came home and told me that had been said and done by a teacher in class I would be complaining to the school as that is not acceptable. Those poor boys 😢

I'm glad you're going to write in, that just sounds horrid, the sort of thing those boys will remember as they grow up.

The OP is a good example of why too much respect for teachers is s bad thing.