To be fucking sick of domestic violence and men abusing women?

[Frouby]

I know I am not BU. But am venting on here to let off steam.

Last weekend there was a horrible incident on our estate. I don't want to give details as it's an active case. But after years of abuse a woman is in hospital after very nearly being murdered by her exp.

My dsis is currently being emotionally, financially and physically abused by her husband. They have been seperated for a couple of years now but have an on/off relationship. 2 weeks ago he broke her nose. This week he has smashed her car up, smashed her windows (again), taken her house and car keys and his childs bike. She has been staying either with her grown up dd or my mams. Her 10 year old has autism. He isn't coping very well with the upset. His father is using him to get to his mother.

Day after fucking day I read stories like this on mn. I see my sisters being abused by men. I saw my mum abused by my stepfather. My aunties ex husband commited bigamy, left her bankrupt and homeless. My friend has an on/off boyfriend who is a drug addict and she is almost bankrupt as he has financially crippled her for years.

I shouted at my dsis tonight. Told her if she didn't report his latest cunts trick to the police herself I would be doing it to SS. That she needs to do something to stop the absolute fucking bastard she married from making hers and her ds and her grown dd who has a newborn from living their lives around that piece of shit.

She says they won't do anything. I suspect that she is right.

My mum ended up homeless for 10 minths with 6 dcs when she finally left my step dad. He kept the family home by terrorising her into not fighting for it.

Am just absolutely fucking sick of men abusing women and getting away with it. Why? If I walked up to a stranger and broke their nose I would probably do time. If I broke into someones house, smashed their car up and stole property I would do time.

My other dsis was held for 3 hours by her ex at knife point and threatened with being raped and her throat cut. He got a 2 years suspended sentence and an anger management course. It's a fucking absolute disgrace.

Why are these crimes against women not taken seriously because they are crimes by partners or former partners? I just don't get it.

You see, without belief or support, you will be risking the lives of you and your children if you leave and can't feed them at all

^This.

No-one believed me about my ex-H, except my boss who saw his vileness with his own eyes. Ex-H didn't feel the need to put a show on in front of my boss and I think he hoped if he turned up being vile often enough my boss would eventually let me go.

Even my own family didn't believe me. They said I must be 'difficult' and agreed he should be in charge of money because I 'didn't understand it'. He disciplined the children because I never would. I would never cope without him.

My mother believed me after she came into the house one day with me. He didn't know she was hanging about in the hallway and started screaming at me and threatening me in front of the children.

He's so good at what he does, my three sisters still don't believe me even with my mother's support. I must have goaded him into it. I was lazy and spendy when I was with him.

Funny how I now run my own home and business, considering I was so lazy, spendy and undisciplined, isn't it?

Not to mention that when women leave is when they are most likely to be murdered by their partner.

I have been raped, had my ribs and jaw broken, been taken advantage of financially, controlled, screamed at, told I'm fat and worthless and unattractive, been told I'm a slut, compared to ex gf unfavourably, told in too independent, too clingy, too clever, too thick, too beautiful, too ugly, too difficult, too talkative, too quiet, too sensitive, too cold, too thoughtful and the icing on the cake...abusive.

This is from a group of about 5-6 men. Including my husband, my partners, my father, my cousin and my friends.

It got so bad that I thought that if someone male liked or loved me I made them hurt me.

I honestly can count the number of times on one hand that I've been emotionally or verbally by a woman. Never physically.

We need men to undergo a fundamental shift in their psychology, where it isn't seen as acceptable to place women and girls as lesser than men and boys. Society has an awful long way to go before we reach that.

Thanks for the answer frouby

Shame he is still alive - the old bastard

*straw and to all the women and children suffering today...it is the weekend, last night being Friday was 'wife-beaters' night as the ex so fondly laughed of old. Sobso very funny...butany women and children, thousands probably, were terrorised last night, cos he got boozed up and upped the agg.

that was extraordinarily bravebof your dssis frouby , next step MP to complain about it not being lodged as a witnessed crime and action taken against the bastard.

...and just to reiterate, no I am not man-hating (just have to justify myself again), I am male abuse hating, yes.

I am now scared of men, and it bothers me morally and on so many levels, because it means surely I do 'think' all men are abusers, but I don't even though I'm struggling to see one I know there are good men out there I'm just too broken to go anywhere near the abusers to see them

There is no crime of domestic violence. There are crimes committed at home against people. You have to change the law to say it is worse to punch your partner, worse to do it at home, worse if your children see you do it. You go to prison for longer. Women will benefit from that massively. You don’t need to make it a men only offence like rape to make it work. It’s easy to change - but it needs to be campaigned for.

I think it should be treated as what it is: a hate crime. In the same way as the perpetrator of a racist or homophobic assualt can be be given a greater sentence because of the hate element, I think male domestic violence against women should be treated for what it is, a crime motivated by misogyny.

Yes, ^ that, yes absolutely, it IS mysogyny, and yet this crime as old as time it feels, has been stepped over and delegated as less than any other hate crime, that is called what it is, hate crime, against differing communities and origins, homosexuality, transphobic, and so on - all pu above that of male on female hate, which is endemic.

*relegated

*Her mother was a poor judge of male character and seems to have gone from one abusive man to next.

Why is anyone surprised that her sisters ended up with similar bastards?*

What the actual fuck?

Bluerinsesurrey, to help you understand why women become repeat victims with different partners, canI suggest you google Zoe Lodrick? She explains this perfectly, and it would aid your understanding no end.

And your victim blaming is utterly repellent, btw.

..and what more do you need to see bluerinsesurrey to actually see you are victim-blaming and how offensive your comments are?

Why try direct this thread off to some bollocks? Is there another man involved abusing another woman (BTW just not true about women making men abusive, you cannot control them, women don't turn them into abusers!).

Its like saying I could make you abuse your own children, and if I started a thread saying that I would be laughed off MN or kicked up the fucking arse metaphorically for being so utterly ridiculous

bluerinse I don't know why you think my mam went from one to another abusive man? My dad wasn't abusive afaik. Just feckless. He wanted me and my mum to go and live in a commune, she didn't fancy it. He went, we stayed.

Her next relationship was with my stepfather.

Her only other relationship with the man she married after my stepdad. He was a very gentle man. And she was blissfully happy until he died.

You and people like you are the reason my mum stayed. Why my sister stayed for so long. And why the police won't take her seriously now.

I have told her to try and get some legal help. To get an injunction. To try and get moved away from him. To get a residency order for her ds. To ask his social worker to get involved. She needs help.

Its not Victim Blaming. As part of looking at DV we do have to question the female psychology.

She needs help.

There are many agencies that help. Im surprised she hasn't had a MARAC case. There will be representation for schools, GPs, Police, Social Services, Health, Womens Refuge at least. All trying to help.

hmm its a bit odd Op that all your sisters , friends your mum have all experienced DV and yet I know precisely no-one in my circles who have.
Why is that do you think?

You talk as if it's all OK and keep denying this woman's experience andakingvit something it isn't, is this deliberate antagonism? Because it is starting to seem that way when you talk right across her and her DMs actual life?

She's told you thats not how it was, now leave her alone

FlipnTwist lucky you to have not been touched by this.

all trying to help

You really are living in cloud cuckoo land...this is in direct conflict to the realities posted on here...is that deliberate?

Have you read the WA research from the 'no woman turned away' project? About the appalling rates of uptake in refuge? And many ended up going straight back to perp to suffer escalated violence as a result? Or those that went to live on the street, or in cars?

You refuse to hear the voices of women who have been through, and still are dealing with, appalling services

wake up and smell the shitty coffee

flipntwist

Do you get how insulting that is...any idea at all, with some sort of superiority that you can't be touched by it, because no man is going to be able to attack, rape, demean or abuse you.

I sincerely hope you and yours remains safe from it and theen that perpetrate it, you are lucky is all.

Lucky lucky you, so dont try rubbing the not so lucky women's noses in it, its cruel and nasty frankly

hmm its a bit odd Op that all your sisters , friends your mum have all experienced DV and yet I know precisely no-one in my circles who have.
Why is that do you think?

You know what I hate? When women are blamed for the men they are with. "Well, you just keep picking the wrong ones", etc. What about when their friends, their family, their work colleagues, all say what a wonderful guy he is etc, but it's still our fault someone when he cheats/beats us etc. And when it KEEPS HAPPENING with different types of guys...does that means most are truly awful? Are women that shit that we "keep choosing the wrong types" somehow? ALL the men in our family havecheated, scammed, abused us female family members. They are from all walks of life. They are all of "good character" to their friends and family and work colleagues. They still treat us like shit. And the next woman. And the next. And people like you blame us.....slow clap. You're part of the fucking problem, you victim-blame POS, @FlipnTwist.

@FlipnTwist, you are a nasty, judgemental, sanctimonious individual. Slow fucking clap to you for blaming the OP for what's happened. This'll prob get deleted, but I hope you see this before it does. I HATE WOMEN LIKE YOU.

Why is that do you think?

Cos you are so unsympathetic and lack empathy that they dont want to tell you?

...and [ the men* ] that perpetrate it

I do hate that anyone can think themselves OK to hold those views, because to hold those views is to not understand the nature of dv, or victim-blaming

It's pretty sad that so much of this still goes on.

Wouldn't the world be a better place where women that held those views wouldn't have get angry at women and children who do this to themselves, if the men killed us all?

Would that be better then we wouldn't annoy you, because that is how that sort of comment feels.

What you have said about all the women on here who have suffered this?