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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To suspect DP had a fling with someone at DC after school activity.

114 replies

FrustratedDP · 13/09/2018 20:21

NC for this.

DP & a Woman at this activity keep looking at each other, they seem to end up together chatting as soon as I go to see DD taking part.

I asked them both if they knew each other previously & they don’t.

She is not on his Facebook that I can see.

AIBU ?

OP posts:
MrsPuff5 · 13/09/2018 20:23

You sound paranoid

Alpacanorange · 13/09/2018 20:23

If you suspect something is afoot between these then I’d keep a low profile and investigate. Tell him to go and turn up unexpectedly.
Trust your instincts.

Llanali · 13/09/2018 20:24

....or they’ve found common ground and like talking? Some people can just get on with each other without getting off with each other. It is possible, you know.

Lazypoolday · 13/09/2018 20:25

Seems a bit of a leap to assume this. Is there massive backstory to explain why you don't trust your DH? Does he have form for this?

Moominfan · 13/09/2018 20:26

I'm all for gut instincts op

Original poster
FrustratedDP · 13/09/2018 20:29

Just the way he looks at her & she looks at him.

I know that look.

DP never cheated but just something about this that doesn’t seem right

OP posts:
Havaina · 13/09/2018 20:30

A woman knows when her husband is checking another woman or out or fancies her.

As Alpaca says, keep a low profile and investigate.

Does he have a password on isn't phone? Does he leave phone lying around sometimes or is or is it always on him?

louise5754 · 13/09/2018 20:31

Do you know her name?

SausageSimon · 13/09/2018 20:32

I see why some are saying you're jumping to conclusions based on what has been written , but I think often in reality there are subtle clues and if you get that gut feeling then I believe you OP.
Hopefully it's something of nothing, maybe they just like each other but nothing has or would happen?

Original poster
FrustratedDP · 13/09/2018 20:33

Password on phone but I know it, yes he leaves phone laying around.

Only thing he never let me have access to is the email account but that is due to his bank accounts being accessed he said.

OP posts:
AspieHere · 13/09/2018 20:35

I'm friendly with my friend's DH, I'll approach him and talk to him, he's a nice man. Definitely nothing between us. You sound completely paranoid.

Original poster
FrustratedDP · 13/09/2018 20:39

Aspie

Then why do they sneak around behind my back?

OP posts:
donquixotedelamancha · 13/09/2018 20:40

A woman knows when her husband is checking another woman or out or fancies her.

Presumably a man who randomly accused his OH of cheating because she 'looked at that bloke funny' would be a great catch?

Ilove80s · 13/09/2018 20:42

What does sneaking around behind your back consist of?

Thingsdogetbetter · 13/09/2018 20:43

What sneaking around? You leave him on his own, he gets bored and speaks to someone else? Hardly sneaking around.

Airaforce · 13/09/2018 20:43

How are they sneaking around? It's not clear from your post.

MaisyPops · 13/09/2018 20:43

Presumably a man who randomly accused his OH of cheating because she 'looked at that bloke funny' would be a great catch?
Well said.

Mumsnet logic -
Man accuses woman of having a thing for someone because he saw them talking / she text a colleague = LTB emotional abuse, paranoid, get your ducks in a row etc

Woman thinks man is having a fling because she has seen him talking to another woman = totes get it OP, there'll be subtle signals, believe your gut instinct it's there for a reason, go through his phone, you're not paranoid, do some snooping

HappenedForAReisling · 13/09/2018 20:44

Then why do they sneak around behind my back?

What do you mean by this? Do you mean that they don't interact more than look at each other while you're around but when you move out of sight they then start talking to each other? They don't start a conversation in front of you?

What do they do when you join them? Do they continue talking?

Havaina · 13/09/2018 20:46

MaisyPops

Man accuses woman of having a thing for someone because he saw them talking / she text a colleague = LTB emotional abuse, paranoid, get your ducks in a row etc

Can you link some threads where men have posted on MN about this scenario? I've never seen such a thread.

Original poster
FrustratedDP · 13/09/2018 20:46

No they stop talking & she leaves to go else where talk to someone else

OP posts:
OnASwissRoll · 13/09/2018 20:48

What sneaking around

If you've caught him sneaking off to see her that's something else altogether, and a big thing not to mention in your OP...

OnASwissRoll · 13/09/2018 20:50

No they stop talking & she leaves to go else where talk to someone else

Are you giving her evils? That look that says "get away from MY man!" so she slinks off instead of getting to know the both if you?

SheCameFromGreeceSheHadaThirst · 13/09/2018 20:51

Response 1: You sound paranoid.

Response 2: Trust your instincts.

Grin

There's not a lot to go on here, tbh. Maybe you're paranoid, maybe your instincts are correct, but looks and 'sneaking around' (?) all seems a bit vague

Crunchymum · 13/09/2018 20:53

Havaina it's usually not the men posting.

It's women posting about how their partner behaves.

ShawshanksRedemption · 13/09/2018 20:53

From what you have said @FrustratedDP there is nothing really to get upset about. Your Dp talking to another woman is fine, Your DP and this other woman stopping talking when you approach may make you feel uncomfortable, but it too isn't evidence of anything.

So unless there is more to add, YABU.