To suspect DP had a fling with someone at DC after school activity.

[FrustratedDP]

NC for this.

DP & a Woman at this activity keep looking at each other, they seem to end up together chatting as soon as I go to see DD taking part.

I asked them both if they knew each other previously & they don’t.

She is not on his Facebook that I can see.

AIBU ?

She probably leaves when you approach because you make her uncomfortable. What with being all jealous. It tends to have that effect on people.

You can't really think they shagged at some kids event.

Seriously?

At first I tried talking to her but she wasn’t interested, then after a while I got annoyed with it so give her a dirty look when I come back from the toilet or getting a drink or encouraging DD to find them talking somewhere.

I believe you OP.
When things are wrong, you just KNOW.
I'd not say anything. Just keep your eyes and ears open. Eventually they will get sloppy.
I'd have the odd look at his texts as well, but only if you can do so without being caught.
Don't run the risk of making them go underground.
Maisy, not really sure what you're on about.

I think if you have so little trust in him then your relationship is probably already on rocky ground

Feelings don't lie, trust your instincts.

Oh sorry, I misread, I though you meant he had a fling with someone,,,,at the after school activity,

🤣

Havaina
I think there's been a few lately to the effect of DP has been texting someone from work and the topic wasn't work / DP has been talking to someone at work / DP has a female friend.
A popular response seems to be snooping is totally reasonable, it's an emotional affair, it needs nipping in the bud, he's gaslighting if he denies anything's going on etx.

tbh if I was talking so someone else's husband and the wife came over I'd either be friendly or move away, and if she gave me a dirty look I'd stay the fuck away.
You need to keep your ear to the ground. It could well be nothing. I wouldn't mention it yet though.

It is just all very odd from both of them.

Do you both accompany your ds to this activity? So you’re always there when they are?
Are you suggesting that they meet up in secret outside this time?

This is why it can be so much easier to talk to other women and leave some poor dad sitting alone at these events, in case someone jumps to conclusions. When my dh was sahd no one spoke to him!

Feelings don't lie, trust your instincts

Of course feelings can be wrong. If feelings don't lie, why aren't all stalkers happily married to their victims?

TBH my cbt was all about feelings not being facts.

no we go separately sometimes, I think they had a thing in the past tbh.

They are to familiar with each other, but he does want her I can see that in him & she plays up to it.

A popular response seems to be snooping is totally reasonable

So snooping is NEVER reasonable? I wish to God I'd snooped, that's all I can say.

Id move away if you were hostile towards me too.

TBH my cbt was all about feelings not being facts

A sane voice at last. I'm utterly baffled by all the 'if you think something is true, then it definitely must be true because instincts blah blah blah' being trotted out here.

Do people really believe that if you suspect someone of something, then they're definitely guilty of it, regardless of a lack of evidence beyond 'feelings'?

Keep an eye and ear out, but tread carefully, because from your posts it really could be something or nothing.

I'd suggest stop throwing dirty looks, as if anything is actually going on, if you say "well she walks away if I go anywhere near her!" there's ammunition right there for him to say "well What do you expect when you keep giving her dirty looks

And if nothing is going on, you giving her dirty looks isn't very nice and unlikely to help in forming a friendship with her alongside your DH.

I know my DH has made a school gate mum friend. We share pick-ups and drop-offs and he's gotten to know her more than I have. And because he feels out of place in that situation he'll tend to stick with her. He'll look out for her at kids parties as well because she's the one person who's bothered to talk to him. As a result I've gotten to know her better and she's really nice. I have no suspicions it's anything more.

It could be the similar with your DH but you're drawing paranoid conclusions from it?

or encouraging DD to find them talking somewhere.

You get your DD to look for them?

Can you link some threads where men have posted on MN about this scenario? I've never seen such a thread.

Oh come on. Maisypop's example is so common on here it's a trope.

Indeed if I were a MN troll, then posting a vague OP about this subject with equally uninformative drip feeds would probably get loads of people jumping on.

Indeed if I were a MN troll, then posting a vague OP about this subject with equally uninformative drip feeds would probably get loads of people jumping on.

[kicks self hard for not being more on the ball tonight ...]

OnASwissRoll

Were you paranoid to begin with?

so give her a dirty look

How old are you OP? I find it utterly baffling that adult women give anyone a "dirty look" tbh. You don't sound like you trust your DP to be honest, so I think there are deeper issues here which may well be leading you think things are not what they seem. Equally if there has been cheating by him in the past which makes you feel like this, then that needs to be addressed, but you haven't mentioned this so.....?

No he hasn’t cheated.

How would you react if you dp was spending time with another woman who wouldn’t speak to you?

FrustratedDP Were you paranoid to begin with?

Genuinely, no I wasn't.

My DH is unfamiliar and nervous in situations that are commonly associated with women, particular school/kids activities. But our DC became very friendly with her DC and that's how they got chatting. He told me. And I've seen them together. I was just pleased someone acknowledged him and made him feel less of a fish out of water. He then introduced us to each other.

I seriously wasn't paranoid.