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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be cross with DD's school about 'Distracting the boys' comment

120 replies

PoorlyParented · 13/09/2018 16:45

DD (14) and some other girls in her year were hauled into their Head of Year's office yesterday. They were all told that their school skirts were either too short or too tight. Fair enough, DD's is a bit tight but she insists on wearing her skirts from last year for some reason. I've told her to wear different skirts in future.

However what I do take exception too is her head of year telling them all that their skirts are 'Very distracting for the boys'!!

How about they teach boys that they are responsible for themselves not being distracted by anything!

I'm tempted to email the HOY but have got a lot on at the moment and don't know if I can face another 'thing' to sort, but I feel it needs addressing!

OP posts:
KM99 · 13/09/2018 16:59

I'd be livid. It's this kind of attitude that feeds into the victim blaming women often face when sexually harassed. "Let's all accept certain boys or men can't control themselves so we must adapt ourselves as women".

I totally accept schools having a uniform policy and it setting certain standards to ensure consistency and discipline but to bring in a sexual element is totally inappropriate.

FarrahMoan · 13/09/2018 17:01

Definitely needs addressing, what a terrible message to send to those girls

Original poster
PoorlyParented · 13/09/2018 17:02

Exactly, KM99. It's just another way of them making excuses for male behaviour. This same head of year phoned me one day last year as DD had been mucking around in the corridor with three boys and she said DD was normally sensible. I said was she going to phone the boys' parents and she laughed and said 'No, it's just boys being boys'! I soon put her straight on that one!

OP posts:
YeTalkShiteHen · 13/09/2018 17:02

Oh god is that shit still being trotted out?

Ugh.

YeTalkShiteHen · 13/09/2018 17:03

I loathe “boys will be boys” it’s a really damaging phrase! I’ve got boys and a girl, btw so I’m not biased.

Original poster
PoorlyParented · 13/09/2018 17:03

I hate the 'boys will be boys' phrase too!

OP posts:
SuperLoudPoppingAction · 13/09/2018 17:04

I would contact HOY to double check what the reasoning was behind asking your dd to change what she wears.
Just in case it was lost in translation.
If they repeat it then definitely take it further.

Original poster
PoorlyParented · 13/09/2018 17:06

I was thinking of asking her to clarify what she means by 'distracting for the boys', and see if she'll put it in writing as to how and why she thinks it's distracting.

OP posts:
rainingcatsanddog · 13/09/2018 17:08

As a mother of sons I don't appreciate these adults assuming that my sons are perverts who won't cope with female classmates wearing short skirts.

YeTalkShiteHen · 13/09/2018 17:09

@PoorlyParented I bet she doesn’t but I’d still ask to make a point!

KM99 · 13/09/2018 17:10

I have a boy too (only 4) but that's not the message I want him to hear. I expect him to show people respect and get it in return. If he strays off that path it certainly won't be "boys will be boys" in this house.

ShalomJackie · 13/09/2018 17:10

I disagree withe the boys being distracyed comments etc but I also agree that the girls should be wearing skirts that conform with school rules.

Original poster
PoorlyParented · 13/09/2018 17:11

I totally agree ShalomJackie! I've told DD she is not to wear that skirt again

OP posts:
ionising · 13/09/2018 17:12

I hate pupils with short skirts.

The comments are way off.

However parents should provide an appropriate length skirt. They then roll them up and we have to be on them all day. They look ridiculous and inappropriate!

Would never mention anything to do with bots though.

Original poster
PoorlyParented · 13/09/2018 17:12

Rainingcatsanddog, exactly! It's a total insult to boys to assume that they want to rape any girl in a short skirt!

OP posts:
Original poster
PoorlyParented · 13/09/2018 17:14

DD's skirts are often quite short as at 5ft 9 she is quite tall, and we can only buy skirts from one supplier who don't really cater for taller girls.

OP posts:
Purpleartichoke · 13/09/2018 17:14

That comment would warrant a trip to the headmasters office tomorrow morning. Actually, my husband would be there too.

We have had several small issues over the years that we have addressed conservatively and tactfully with the School. This kind of blatant sexism is not one of those situations.

taratill · 13/09/2018 17:15

Poorlyparented not wishing to justify the head's silly statement but saying boys will be distracted is not the same is saying they will 'want to rape'.

I find this interesting, and again I'm not saying I agree with the head (I don't), because on another thread - about changing rooms there is a general consensus that teenage boys have sexual thoughts which is why it is inappropriate to have unisex changing rooms.

Original poster
PoorlyParented · 13/09/2018 17:17

No I know what you mean, 'want to rape' is a bit harsh.

OP posts:
taratill · 13/09/2018 17:17

posted too soon, if they are to be distracted in one situation why would they not potentially be distracted in another.

However, I state again I do not think it was appropriate to say this.

I just find the 2 positions a bit incongruous.

NonaGrey · 13/09/2018 17:19

about changing rooms there is a general consensus that teenage boys have sexual thoughts which is why it is inappropriate to have unisex changing rooms.

Tara naked or undressed girls in a changing room is not in any way the same as fully dressed girls in a classroom.

taratill · 13/09/2018 17:20

I am talking about unisex changing rooms with cubicles. Some people are aghast that these are available.

Racecardriver · 13/09/2018 17:21

YANBU at all. One of the best things about going to a single sex school was being able to have a body with being told to be careful to conceal it in case a tee aged boy couldn't tear his eyes off long enough to learn.

actualpuffins · 13/09/2018 17:22

DD1 goes to an all girls school and they wear their skirts as short as they can get away with. It's not done to attract or distract boys.

Twotailed · 13/09/2018 17:22

That is shocking. It’s fine for the school to uphold a uniform policy but those comments are victim blaming and really inappropriate. I would take it further if I were you.