To be cross with DD's school about 'Distracting the boys' comment

[PoorlyParented]

DD (14) and some other girls in her year were hauled into their Head of Year's office yesterday. They were all told that their school skirts were either too short or too tight. Fair enough, DD's is a bit tight but she insists on wearing her skirts from last year for some reason. I've told her to wear different skirts in future.

However what I do take exception too is her head of year telling them all that their skirts are 'Very distracting for the boys'!!

How about they teach boys that they are responsible for themselves not being distracted by anything!

I'm tempted to email the HOY but have got a lot on at the moment and don't know if I can face another 'thing' to sort, but I feel it needs addressing!

You may have a lot on and I get that but seriously email. It'll take you as long as writing a Mn Posy to type

Dear HT,

In future if you have an issue with DD uniform then please don't tell her in a manner that indicates she is asking to be a victim of unwanted or inappropriate attention.

Dd is responsible for her uniform.

The 'boys' are responsible for ensuring they remain the right side of the law re sexual harassment.

Regards

Xxxx

You aren't getting involved in anything or asking for a reply. Simple telling them to stop.

Please email the HOY. Their attitude (and this being passed on to your DD and friends) is inappropriate and justifies to them a victim-blaming culture.

Just print a few of these off and get your DD to plaster them around the school. Or perhaps pop a pile of them in the staff room.

Please email HOY. This kind of shit needs addressing.

However what I do take exception too is her head of year telling them all that their skirts are 'Very distracting for the boys'!!
Pound to a penny she didn't say that!

A girl at dd’s school got asked to stop wearing her bright pink bra which was showing through her white blouse because it was ‘distracting to the male teachers’. The girl was in Year 8!

Flipntwist, well the same HOY has actually said 'boys will be boys' to me on the phone before as I mentioned up thread so I think she probably did say it.

Disgusting and I am a teacher

She sounds rather misogynistic. The boys will be boys comment, where she brushed aside the boys behaviour because they have a penis is also outrageous.

I know that teachers have a lot to deal with on their plate. But it this case she’s shooting her mouth off and it’s not ok. I’d also be tempted to contact her. This is just another learning experience for your dd and it’s good that your on the ball to set her straight.

You’re.

I would absolutely kick off publicly over that comment on the school's social media websites, with what she said to them in quotes.

And complain to the Board of the school. Absolutely unacceptable to tell girls that boys' education is more important than theirs and they are responsible to make sure they're not distracted from getting it. Utter BS.

and that is what they're saying. They're pulling up girls from classes, from school, from their own studies so boys aren't distracted.

I have had a day from hell with my new class and seeing this thread has outraged me even more.

Not a good thing to say but probably kinder than telling teenage girls that they are regularly showing their knickers which is usually what the problem is.

Why not just introduce a rule where girls have to wear trousers then?

I would address that with HOY.

My dc are in a non uniform school, recently there has been a proposal to bring in a dress code. One of the suggested changes is no rips in jeans. Dc was telling me yesterday that girls in the class were being told off for wearing ripped jeans, while sitting next to boys whose ripped jeans are not challenged.
This really annoys me and I'm going to bring it up with the school.

I don't think it's kinder to imply she's asking for problems than informing a girl if a clothing mishap.

First up when multiple kids at different stages of development are forced Into the same two regulation items you will get taller/curvier etc ones who make it look tighter or shorter or more revealing.

Second up shy arenthey boys never held accountable for their reactions.

Teachers are people kids trust and the message of victim blaming they send out is unacceptable ..does the boys no favours either .

Argh, does this shit still go on??
If the boys are distracted then they should learn to keep their eyes to themselves and their minds on their schoolwork. They should also learn that girls are entitled to dress in whatever the fuck they want without reference to the boys.

Having said that, she should follow uniform guidelines, but not because of the boys' inability to look elsewhere. (And I see you've told her to change her skirt for a bigger one already)

EmtheGreat - trousers aren't safe either! They might be "too figure-hugging" and cause yet more distraction (a friend of mine's DD has been told she shouldn't wear leggings to school because of this reason - and yes, because too distracting for the boys).

The girls get told off if trousers are too tight yet the boys can wear them as tight as they want. As well as being tall DD is a stocky build and the school trousers are all cut for kids that haven't been through puberty so trousers are out for her as she just gets a bollocking for them being tight!

This sort of thing makes my blood boil. At my DD's school (used to be separate boy and girl on different sites, now mixed), girls, if they wear skirts have to wear black tights, even in the middle of summer.
Petitioning against it and for girls to be able to wear socks has repeatedly been turned down.
Girls can wear trousers but why on earth shouldn't they be able to wear a skirt with socks.
As an aside, last year when she went to Holland on a science trip, again in the middle of summer, the girls were told they couldn't wear shorts unless they were Bermuda length. Cue very many fed up girls (and parents). No specification for the length of boys shorts though!

On one hand I get that they have to follow the uniform code, but there really needs to be some proper justification for said uniform code. If the rule is simply "No short skirts because it is distracting for the boys" then it's disgusting and simply serves to sexualise girls. However if it's "No short skirts because it's impractical due to x or y valid reason" then it's justified and should be adhered to. And as for trousers... don't get me started!

Maybe one for the teachers to answer but are boys at secondary really distracted by the girls in short skirts or are they distracted by all girls (if they are straight)?

Sometimes I wonder if "short skirts are a distraction for the boys" is code for "short skirts are distracting for staff (adults)"

Surely pretty girls are a distraction whether in a bikini or burka?

One of the biggest issues with this increased insistence on a specific (impractical!) uniform with logo trousers and skirts is they come in one style.

Developing children do not!

I can't believe this shit still goes on. I once got told off for wearing a bra that had a coloured trim because if I boy saw it through my shirt it would be distracting. My mum told them that maybe their regulation school shirts should be better quality so you couldn't see a bra through it. If a boy is going to be distracted by a girl he fancies it will happen regardless of what she wears.

On the very same day that we’ve seen the reports of the story of two girls being raped in a school playground, and teachers telling one of the girls off, this kind of attitude from your school is fucking shocking.
I would be following up on this asap and requesting the facts before, if what your daughter said is true, losing my shit.