To not invite one of 3 'best friends' to be bridesmaid?

[bridetobe89]

Firstly this does reference things like group chats and social media and on a few threads I've seen people mention anything like this there's been unhelpful responses calling them childish or whatever but I'm 24 and it's all relevant to the situation so please don't patronise me because I am genuinely concerned over this and don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.

I'm getting married next year, and I've been going over what to do in regards to my bridal party for months but can't seem to come to a conclusion.

I've known friend A in school and have been close ever since. I met friend B through uni two years ago, and we've been close ever since, I see and talk to her more than I do with friend A.

I introduced friends A & B as was planning a night out and wanted them to meet as my closest friends. I set up a group chat on Facebook where we all spoke for a couple of days prior just to sort of break the ice between them. They met and have been good friends ever since. The three of us kept in touch via the group chat and used it to arrange plans regularly.

Next we plan to go to a nearby city for a larger night out and get a hotel. Friend A invites her closest friend, Friend C. Neither me or friend B have ever met friend C but we add her to the group chat where we are making all the plans and all get on. We went out on the night out and had a good time.

Rather than making a new group chat we'd used the existing one and just added friend C, we used this chat most days so we continued to do so. This is where it gets a little awkward as it's now been well over a year of this group chat being used most days, Friend A & Friend C are still extremely close, however both Friend B and I have only met her twice more since that initial night out, but we are both close with Friend A. The group chat is still our main communication as we all live about 50 minutes apart etc, which the 4 of us are in.

Friend C is a nice girl, and frequently reposts photos of us from the few times we've met saying things like "miss my best friends" and refers to us as such frequently in the group chat and to other people etc. I guess I just feel awkward because I literally don't know her. If I ever want to post anything or plan anything with friend A & B I always ensure to include Friend C, as I don't want to be bitchy and look I'm leaving one person out.. but I don't know her?! Not really?!

I want Friend A & B to be in my bridal party, preferably with friend B as Maid of Honour and then friend A as a bridesmaid along with my sister. I just feel I'll look so nasty not asking Friend C? She's gotten upset in the past over such little things like me and Friend B tagging each other and Friend A in funny pictures on Facebook and not her (I know this sounds childish) and I know she'll take it personally.

I just feel strange having someone Ive met three times as my bridesmaid.. I feel slightly strange even inviting her to the wedding as I just do not feel like I know her at all. it's such a strange situation having someone call you their best friend when I only really seem them as an acquaintance and I've gone along with it for over a year just out of sheer awkwardness and not wanting to upset anyone.. but it just seems strange. I don't know if Friend B feels the same and don't want to ask in case I look catty. I dealt with lots of bitchy girls in school and don't want to be that girl

Well, I wouldn't have someone for my bridesmaid unless we often met up on our own, we phoned each other for a chat and we were there for each other - eg if you got fired, she'd be the one to call. Your third friend doesn't fit into these categories at all.

Nope.

Have friends A and B.

C is not your friend, more of an aquaintance. Think how you'd look back in 10 years at your wedding photos, do you think you'll regret asking C? Especially if they seem fairly petty from the outset.

If your wedding is next year, i'd hold off deciding on the wedding party for a few months.

I think you are overthinking it, Friend C should not have an expectation that she would be a bridesmaid as she is clearly not a close friend of yours. She is a friend of a friend.

You’re over thinking it, I wouldn’t have someone I had met 3 times at my wedding, let alone as a bridesmaid!

I thought you were going to say you didn't want a friend from your years old friendship group as you'd grown apart.

Of course YANBU to want to only invite your close friends. If I were you, once I'd asked them, I would set up a separate chat for bridesmaids, and use that to communicate with them when you don't (understandably) want to involve the girl you've only met a handful of times.

What does Friend B think about it all? Surely she's pissed off too!

I probably wouldn't invite her to the wedding either, or at least, only to the evening do if you're having one

No way would I ask her! She would be ridiculous if she expected to be asked.

Thanks both - @elQuintoConyo I've held off asking for 6 months as thought inevitably with how little we see her Friend C would drift away and it would be less awkward to just ask Friend A & B.. but it's not the case! Just this morning she reposted a photo from the first night out of the 4 of us and said "How gorgeous are my best friends? Miss you bridetobe89 and Friend B!"

I liked it and couldn't even bring myself to reply because its just so strange to me.. I don't understand it!

If you read your OP back you'll see that you are only worried about this woman because she is part of a group chat!! That is a bonkers reason to even consider her as a bridesmaid.
Have you met up with friends A and B over the last year other than the 3 times eith C?

You are not going to invite them to be bridesmaids over the group text so please don't worry. She will know in her heart that she isn't going to be a bridesmaid. If she says anything you tell her you have asked your longest friends and your sister and any more bridesmaids than that is OTT.

Liked on fb.. not actually liked it.. I just find it so odd and it's making me sort of resent her as it seems like our friendship is all over social media (her doing not mine) but we don't talk or meet up.. me and Friends A & B frequently meet up together and separately but I would feel very uncomfortable spending time alone with Friend C, and never have. We've never even spoken online other than through the group chat.

Thanks all. I know I probably am overthinking it but I just don't want to look like I'm leaving her out. Friend A is very very close to Friend C and I just don't want to look like I'm pushing her out.. Friend A accepted Friend B who was my friend with open arms

It's kind of you to be concerned about C's feelings, but having her in your bridal party would be absurd. She is not a close friend, and how she feels about things is not your responsibility. I recommend establishing a new way to communicate with A and B which doesn't include C. All the Facebook group chat nonsense makes life far more difficult than it needs to be.

She's an evening invite, at best.

me and Friends A & B frequently meet up together and separately but I would feel very uncomfortable spending time alone with Friend C, and never have. We've never even spoken online other than through the group chat.

She would have to be unhinged to think that she should be your bridesmaid!

Of course you don't have to ask friend c to be in the bridal party.

Hmm sounds like she may have MH problems. I had this with a girl at uni, she was young and I was a mature student, but because we lived the same direction I’d give her lifts to uni as she didn’t drive. She was alright, not my cup of tea really but we got on ok. After knowing each other a matter of weeks, she was posting all over FB about how we were ‘besties’ and telling everyone at uni we were best mates. She turned out to be biplolar and left the course after a breakdown which meant she was sectioned (nothing to do with me!).

Stop liking stuff where she mentions the best friend crap, she will see this as validation.

I've been chatting to some people for years on SM, met up a handful of times. I wouldn't invite them to my wedding or another special occasion. If they sent me an invite I would think it odd, and they are only doing it out of politeness. I would decline.

This is madness. What makes you think she'll be expecting to be part of your wedding, I doubt she's evening thinking about being invited never mind being bridesmaid.

Being in a group chat with someone you've met a couple of times does not equal being best mates.

Friend C is a night guest and if you want to invite her to your hen do you could. But bridal party defo not. It would be weird

I came in here ready to say "don't do it," - my friend invited 2 of our group of 3 closest friends to be her BMs (me included) and the 3rd one has never really forgiven us. But we were a tight group of 4 for 10 years since uni, not a random WhatsApp group! YANBU at all not to involve friend C, and she's a nutter if she gets offended.

I would have A and B as Bridesmaids. If you've only met her 3 times I don't think C will expect to be a bridesmaid but if you want you could give her some specific job in your wedding so she can be involved in the planning if you think she'll be left out. (To be clear I don't think this is actually necessary).

You sound really nice OP. I've been a friend C and would have been shocked to have been asked to be a bridesmaid.

Hopefully you are all right and she won't be expecting it.. really do hope it's all in my head. I was in a nasty friendship group in school and was always the one who was left out etc so very worried about doing that to someone else. She doesn't seem to have other friends than Friend A and apparently B & me.. she is a few years younger too so just didn't want to upset anyone. When I announced my engagement Friend C messaged the group chat saying can't wait for the hen do and since then I've just been so anxious.

Im sure friend C would understand wouldnt she?
I would not expect to be someones bridesmaid if I had met them a total of 3 times!
I mean maybe you would like to be invited on nights out with someone if you were very close friends with their friend they were inviting... I can sort of see where that is coming from.... but its a huge leap to expect to be someones bridesmaid just because you are close friends with someone else they have chosen as a birdesmaid!

Unless she is a nutcase I dont think there will actually be an issue here.