To not invite one of 3 'best friends' to be bridesmaid?

[bridetobe89]

Firstly this does reference things like group chats and social media and on a few threads I've seen people mention anything like this there's been unhelpful responses calling them childish or whatever but I'm 24 and it's all relevant to the situation so please don't patronise me because I am genuinely concerned over this and don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.

I'm getting married next year, and I've been going over what to do in regards to my bridal party for months but can't seem to come to a conclusion.

I've known friend A in school and have been close ever since. I met friend B through uni two years ago, and we've been close ever since, I see and talk to her more than I do with friend A.

I introduced friends A & B as was planning a night out and wanted them to meet as my closest friends. I set up a group chat on Facebook where we all spoke for a couple of days prior just to sort of break the ice between them. They met and have been good friends ever since. The three of us kept in touch via the group chat and used it to arrange plans regularly.

Next we plan to go to a nearby city for a larger night out and get a hotel. Friend A invites her closest friend, Friend C. Neither me or friend B have ever met friend C but we add her to the group chat where we are making all the plans and all get on. We went out on the night out and had a good time.

Rather than making a new group chat we'd used the existing one and just added friend C, we used this chat most days so we continued to do so. This is where it gets a little awkward as it's now been well over a year of this group chat being used most days, Friend A & Friend C are still extremely close, however both Friend B and I have only met her twice more since that initial night out, but we are both close with Friend A. The group chat is still our main communication as we all live about 50 minutes apart etc, which the 4 of us are in.

Friend C is a nice girl, and frequently reposts photos of us from the few times we've met saying things like "miss my best friends" and refers to us as such frequently in the group chat and to other people etc. I guess I just feel awkward because I literally don't know her. If I ever want to post anything or plan anything with friend A & B I always ensure to include Friend C, as I don't want to be bitchy and look I'm leaving one person out.. but I don't know her?! Not really?!

I want Friend A & B to be in my bridal party, preferably with friend B as Maid of Honour and then friend A as a bridesmaid along with my sister. I just feel I'll look so nasty not asking Friend C? She's gotten upset in the past over such little things like me and Friend B tagging each other and Friend A in funny pictures on Facebook and not her (I know this sounds childish) and I know she'll take it personally.

I just feel strange having someone Ive met three times as my bridesmaid.. I feel slightly strange even inviting her to the wedding as I just do not feel like I know her at all. it's such a strange situation having someone call you their best friend when I only really seem them as an acquaintance and I've gone along with it for over a year just out of sheer awkwardness and not wanting to upset anyone.. but it just seems strange. I don't know if Friend B feels the same and don't want to ask in case I look catty. I dealt with lots of bitchy girls in school and don't want to be that girl

Do you dislike C, or is there potential for a real friendship? All you say is that you don't really know her, and she's a nice girl. She seems to like you...

I don't know whether it's worth losing potentially two friends over one event? Maybe they will both take it in their stride and carry on.

Which is worse - looking out at your friends and family on your wedding day and seeing a girl there who doesn't know you all that well but considers you a friend and is happy to be there, or looking out and seeing A and C missing because of the wedding drama and feeling that it's worth it because at least C isn't there?

Agree you’re overthinking it. Ditch the group chat. Start a new one sans crazy wannabe BFF. Sorted.

YANBU but you sound like a nice person for considering friend C’s feelings. She is being very unrealistic!

I would invite A and B to be bridesmaids and then start a new group chat with them for “wedding talk”, if C asks why she’s not included you can just say that you didn’t want to bore her with planning details.

I would also be careful of reinforcing C’s (slightly bizarre) perception of your friendship as being more than it is, i.e. don’t ‘like’ the facebook posts and ignore any passive aggressive comments she makes about not being included. Hopefully she’ll get the hint and ease off a bit.

I think you would be perfectly reasonable to invite her to the evening do only as well, although you might want to compromise by inviting her to the wedding as she’s so close to A.

I think you would be perfectly reasonable to invite her to the evening do only as well

Or not even that, as she's an acquaintance rather than your friend ...

If C expects to be asked she’s mad! But her posts about best friends etc could just be social media exaggeration so hopefully that wouldn’t be her expectation in real life. I would just ask A and B and then start a new group chat for specifically wedding stuff (while still using the old one for other chat that includes C). If C is difficult about it she is the one with the problem, not you!

What sort of things do you talk about in the group chat - is it life stuff, or just funny pics? If you're sharing day-to-day life stuff then I could see why C might think you're closer friends than you do, and I would be more inclined to invite her to the wedding. Not the bridal party though, and only to the hen do if it was a pretty large affair with lots of friends and acquaintances going.

Ultimately with weddings you're ranking your friends and family, with the top tier in the bridal party (or groom party - is that what it's called?), next tier in the hen (or stag) do, next lot get the full day invite and the lowest tier get the evening only invite, or not invited at all. Sure, there are exceptions based on family relationship, age, and sex, but it's pretty much a friendship indicator. It's always going to cause issues if people find out they're in a 'lower' tier than they thought. Hopefully she will have the sense to either just deal with wherever she ends up, or to keep any complaints between her and A, rather than making them your problem. It's not like you're going to give her a pity invite if she kicks off.

As others have said stop fretting about it. Set up a new what’s app group for the bridal party and get on andenjoy planning for your wedding. As for a wedding invite for C that’s really up to you!

I feel a bit sorry for 'C' all she is guilty of is wanting to be friendly with a group of girls she think has accepted her. I agree you absolutely do not have to have her as a bridesmaid and you should set up another wedding what's app group to deal all the bridal stuff. A previous poster said, is there the potential for a future friendship? Would she not be worth an invite to the day

The above poster touched on it saying that some (younger) people are a little more enthusiastic with the besties word. We had a young woman at work that insisted on calling a group her besties. I was horrified we all worked well together, no bitching. But colleagues surely - NOT besties.

Is friend 'A' attached? Could she bring friend C as her plus one to the wedding? And why ask C to spend all that time and money on a hen do and only invite her to the evening. I think that is mean. Hen do and a full day invite or no hen do and an evening invite.

YANBU re friend C but I don't think there is a need for MOH, both friends should be bridesmaids, essentially its the same thing and it seems unkind to separate your friendships in that way. Different if you were having several friends as bridesmaids.

I would just have B as an informal more important bridesmaid and do away with MOH altogether.

Friend C sounds like a girl me and me friend knew who would post gushing status about us, calling us "wifey" and "best friend" she was very pushy and persistent

You absolutely should not feel obliged to have a virtual stranger for a bridesmaid and if she were to make a fuss, it would reflect very poorly upon her not you.

Someone I'd only met 3 times wouldn't even be an EVENING guest - ludicrous

YANBU

And when you ask Friend A and she indicates that C is upset you feign utter astonishment and say but how could she have assumed that IVE ONLY MET HER THREE TIMES

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Obsviously you are not being unreasonable to make friend c a bridesmaid. You need to sit down and discuss with friend a and b about the situation. Especially because friend a is close to her and knows how she would react and friend b knows her as much as you do.

The problem is the group chat. I know you’ve only met her 3 times but you are still connected. I’m assuming you guys chat all the time as a group....maybe that’s why she is getting the idea that you are besties? It is a bit concerning though that she thinks you guys are so close. What do friend a and b think about that? Surely you wouldn’t be the only one to think that’s bizarre. I do feel sorry for c. If she is such good friends with a, she can’t be that bad. Maybe give her a chance. Your wedding is a while away. Is there any reason why you often meet up without her?

Tbh, I am more worried about the fact you’re going to make b moh when you’ve known a for longer. I know it doesn’t matter how long you’ve known a person but if that was me, I would be very upset. This could even spilt up your friendship. Friend a might be very upset and may even side with c. But it’s your wedding, and if you want friend b to be moh then that’s up to you!

Op don’t let this mess with your head and affect your wedding.
Social media certainly has a lot to answer for. You are getting married....it’s all about you!!
Friends are special, well they should be. Youre are quite young (sorry not trying to patronise at all) this is a biggie, have the special people at your side