Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be upset friend has ‘abandoned’ us on holiday

540 replies

Abandonedabroad · 12/09/2018 22:20

My mum has kindly paid for me and my two year old DD to go on holiday to Majorca for my birthday present. I’m a lone parent on a low income and haven’t had a holiday abroad for years nor am I likely to be able to afford one for several more so it’s a huge treat and I have been looking forward to it for many months. My mum has paid for the accommodation for me, DD and a friend and flights for me and DD so friend only had to pay for her flight. I invited one of my best friends to come along. I’ve known her for 13 years, trust her completely, have been on holiday with her before and have never had so much as a cross word let alone an argument with her. She adores DD and is great with her.

Friend wanted to hire a car which I wasn’t bothered about, but she was keen and I offered to go halves but she said she was happy to pay for it as she was getting the holiday free. On that basis I decided to bring DD’s (big, heavy) car seat as it seemed tricky to book one for the hire car and after getting advice on here seemed a better idea overall.

We flew out two days ago. DD had never been on a plane before and was tearful and clingy so it was a huge help to have friend there and would have been a nightmare without her.

We’ve all three of us been suffering with a cold/chesty cough thing since being here but not incapacitated and everyone has been up and about and functioning ok.

Today friend went out for a few hours and on her return announced that she was feeling too unwell, the bed wasn’t comfortable enough and she was going home. I was just in shock and tried asking why but friend just kept repeating she felt ill and was leaving. I got quite panicky and angry and we argued but she’s gone. She took the car seat out of the hire car, brought it up to the apartment and left in the hire car.

I’m just in shock. There’s eight days left of the holiday, I’ve got more luggage than I can carry and I’m on my own with a two year old.

No other friends can come out at short notice.

My boyfriend can’t leave to come here as he’s housesitting. He called my friend to try to figure things out and she said she felt terrible but she had to be by herself and had been dealing with stress building up for a while. I feel bad that she isn’t feeling good but I’m hurt and angry that she’s left me in this situation. I haven’t heard from her since she left this afternoon.

What the fuck do I do? I’ll have to get a taxi to the airport when the time comes but not sure how to book one, it’s a small town and my Spanish is not great.

I would come home early but a) my mum has paid for this and would be really upset so I’m going to have to brave it out and say I had a brilliant time so as not to hurt her feelings and b) leaving early doesn’t actually solve any of the problems of carrying all the stuff and dealing with DD on my own on the plane (she has already informed me several times that she does not like the plane and isn’t going on it 😐) so I might as well stay till the end.

I’m just so bewildered and shocked and perhaps I am being selfish if friend is having some kind of crisis but I just don’t feel like speaking to her again after this

OP posts:
Star81 · 13/09/2018 07:07

Which part of Majorca are you in ? I may be able tlo help you with booking airport transfers depending on where you are ?

DeltaG · 13/09/2018 07:10

The OP said that it was her friend who wanted and paid for the car hire, not her. It's likely then that the OP wasn't planning on driving herself & DD and that the car hire was in her friend's name only. If so, the OP couldn't drive as her name wasn't on the hire contact. So it's perfectly reasonable that the friend returned with the car.

Getting a taxi to the airport is hardly rocket science is it?!

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 13/09/2018 07:12

It does sound like a MH crisis of some
Type

You can do this ! Someone will help you get to airport

Un the meantime get walking and exploring and try to enjoy the adventure

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 13/09/2018 07:16

And I agree one day this will be an adventure

I do understand your anxiety though

Despite being a fairly seasoned traveller I get stressed when I can’t 100% manage things

Please try and enjoy ! It’s very autumnal here !

Thinkingallowed85 · 13/09/2018 07:26

Your friend was out of order. There’s no excuse really. She should have communicated with and made plans with you even if there was some insurmountable issue that meant she had to get home. I suspect mental health issues as that’s the only epxlaination that makes any sense. Sending you an unmumsnetty hug! You can do this!

winewolfhowls · 13/09/2018 07:30

Perhaps your friend got some bad news but didn't want to let on and spoil your holiday. Otherwise its a very strange action from a good friend.

Unless she has some history of mh issues?

I don't think a cold or other minor ailment would be a reason to leave as you have so long left on the holiday and she would have probably felt better after one day or two. And surely if you were good friends she could have said if she needed space for a day or two and you would wouldn't have minded?

Another idea is could she have been verbally or physically assaulted when she went out alone, I am sorry to suggest it but it might explain her sudden change of personality.

Or.. She could just be a cow for leaving you without explanation. Only your knowledge of her character could tell you that. But if you it was my mate I would be really worried!

hoistmeupjudy · 13/09/2018 07:30

Sorry if it's been mentioned, but getting ready so DRTFT. Would this be any good - you can book and pay in English. I have used before when I was alone with DD and found them very reliable.

www.hoppa.com/en

Sometimes it takes a few days to settle in and acclimatise on any holiday. Hope you and dd manage to enjoy. You will be going home bolder and braver for this.

SomethingNastyInTheBallPool · 13/09/2018 07:36

OP, I’m so glad you’re feeling cheerier now. You can do this!

To give another perspective, I was the abandoning friend a few years ago. I went on holiday with a friend and started having horrific panic attacks. They kept coming in waves and I felt absolutely awful. After a week with no let-up, I decided the only thing for it was to go home. This meant leaving my friend to go touring a fairly daunting country on her own. She was very upset - she’s prone to wobbles herself - but understood. I felt terrible leaving her. It was the right decision, though - as soon as I got home, I felt much better and was able to go and see my GP for help. My friend managed to have a great holiday on her own and it didn’t damage our friendship.

If something similar has happened with your friend, she probably felt she had no choice but to go. I hope you can get to the bottom of it and sort things out.

MudCity · 13/09/2018 07:37

This was no holiday for your friend really. I think in her position I would have felt ‘used’ and while she agreed to it, perhaps the reality felt too much.

So don’t be angry with your friend OP. Your daughter is your responsibility and you will cope.

Quartz2208 · 13/09/2018 07:40

OP of course you can do this - can I ask a question do you always need someone with you and supporting you all the time because all of the things you are stressing about are normal.

If your friend is having a mental health crisis she is probably struggling with keeping herself afloat and the added stress of supporting you was too much

And the best thing you can do for your DD is prove there is nothing scary or bad about going on a plane and doing it by yourself.

Alwa · 13/09/2018 07:45

Don't get a taxi, book a hoopa through Expedia.

Much cheaper and they driver will help with car seat and bags, until you get to airport and get a trolley.

Enjoy the gorgeous beaches with your DD, eat lots of churros and peanut Cheetos x

TheProvincialLady · 13/09/2018 07:48

You’d have to be a bit stupid to realise that a holiday with a 2 year old and her mum wasn’t going to be that relaxing and you’d have to be pretty mean to think you could go and not have to pitch in. I think your friend has behaved very badly here and those bandying around terms like mental health crisis need to have a word with themselves. It’s not a catch all phrase for ‘can’t understand the reason for something.’ You can’t make assumptions like that based on no evidence. Sometimes going on holiday show friends to be incompatible or selfish or horrible. Not saying that’s the case here but it’s more likely than some of the scenarios here I’m afraid.

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 13/09/2018 07:51

Don't worry about travelling alone with your 2 year old - I've done it many times and it's fine. If your daughter is potty trained I would put a pull up on her for the plane just in case.

The holiday would be more fun with another adult to chat to, but you can still enjoy yourselves. Your friend's behaviour is utterly bizarre, and unless she has form for flaking out and being peculiar, I would be quite worried about her. Nothing you can do about it arm though.

Btw I love that you are determined to crack on and tell your mother you had a great time - i am also sure you will in fact do so once the disappointment has worn off!

Sommelierrrr · 13/09/2018 07:58

Well done for feeling braver op! Good for you for cracking on. I've been in a similar situation before. Old friend had a melt down left me in the lurch with young kids on hol. We are still good friends even so. Take a bit of time and space away as you need, and most of all enjoy the holiday Flowers

Quangot · 13/09/2018 08:12

I don't think anyone is "bandying around" the idea of a mental health difficulty. It is a very reasonable possibility that the friend's anxiety levels got unbearably high and she felt compelled to escape.

You and your friend are each independent adults so it isn't a case of "abandoning" you, whatever her reason.

LimitIsUp · 13/09/2018 08:12

Its not that hard OP - to manage the rest of a holiday, the transfer to the airport and a short flight with a two year old in tow. You have two choices, either wallow and worry or just get on with it and try to enjoy yourself.

ContessasGulagSpaDay · 13/09/2018 08:18

Ignore the unconstructive comments from the 'I took my quintuplet toddlers backpacking in Outer Mongolia and it was fine so MAN UP' crowd, op. I get how you feel - I've got a husband and 2 DC and am perfectly capable of managing them both on my own, but the notion of managing them on my own far away from home does make me nervous.

I remember the time I took DS1 (2yo, then) on the train to visit my mum who was in hospital - it was 4 hours there and back and we stayed for the weekend. I remember finding that stressful enough so goodness knows how I'd have coped with a foreign land!

You'll be fine - I don't think you need to contact friend until you get back either. You need your mental resources to focus on you and DD right now; once you're home you'll have mental capacity to check in on her and feel concerned about her rather than just angry.

Have fun - wish I was in Majorca Flowers

Jeanclaudejackety · 13/09/2018 08:20

Ah poor you op, don't worry honestly majorca and the people there are lovely, kids are adored and made a fuss of and there's loads to do, get yourself some wine from a shop and when dds in bed relax with a few glasses and download some books maybe? Hope the weather's improving also. I've been away with just dd and if you embrace it and really chill it will rub off on dd and she will have a fab time with relaxed mummy!

Abandonedabroad · 13/09/2018 08:21

Hello, can’t reply to everyone as lots of replies since last night and DD is up and wants breakfast.

I’m in Portocolom to the kind PP who might be able to help with transfer!

I’m not particularly needy or incapable normally, I’ve travelled on my own before it was just a big shock as it had happened just a few hours prior to my post and the particular bit where we’re staying is a residential street, not touristy, no other people on holiday and I was getting wildly varying taxi quotes online so was unsure how to book and not pay too much.

My friend has voluntarily come to stay with me and DD numerous times, has slept on a foam bed on the floor quite happily (has kept coming back anyway!) knows the deal with staying with a toddler, happily pitched in without any expectation/asking from me so def knew what holiday would be like. I didn’t bring her for free childcare/handhold but at the same time if I had known I’d be alone I wouldn’t have come to this particular place or brought a car seat/hired a car. She has some form for being flaky eg one of my birthdays years ago pre child she was due to come and stay with me and she didn’t turn up, didn’t get in touch, I was extremely worried about her, tried phoning other friends etc then she surfaced about 10 days later full of apologies and couldn’t really explain why she hadn’t bothered. I was hurt but we didn’t argue about it, I wasn’t angry with her, because I had just been at home after all and did something else. Slightly different when you’re abroad together though. Sorry if that sounds like a drip feed but it was a really long time ago and I thought she’d matured a lot since then. So I still don’t know why she left yesterday, I would say her demeanour was more that she just really wanted to leave rather than she was having some kind of full blown mental health crisis. I still feel annoyed with her but may contact her when I get home. I’m not thinking about it now.

Sorry if I’ve not covered everything, Going to text Airbnb host now to see if he has any advice or suggestions. Then getting swimming costumes on and going down to the pool!, It’s a lot sunnier today.

Thanks to everyone who has been so kind and helpful. Smile

OP posts:
Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 13/09/2018 08:22

Enjoy the rest of your holiday Smile

incywincybitofa · 13/09/2018 08:23

Spain is generally very child friendly. I hope you enjoy the rest of your time there.
Years ago I went away with a friend, and basically I was abandoned, as they wanted to go do their own thing.
I was in a far eastern country, on my own and completely blindsided, we had booked a hotel room which they took and I was left to find somewhere else.
I say this to cheer you up, I had the most amazing holiday experience. Probably best holiday I have been on, it did wonders for my confidence once I pulled myself together and I went off and did things I had really wanted to do, but wouldn't have because my friend didn't want to.
I came home to find said friend had not had such a great time, and regretted what had happened.....
Our friendship has never quite recovered from that. But I still think although I lost a strong friendship I did gain something else.

Easynow · 13/09/2018 08:25

It is a bloody shock. I would hate being left like that.

I hope you can enjoy it OP Wine

MaggieSimpsonsPacifier · 13/09/2018 08:31

It is a huge shock and I can see why you’re so shaken.

However as a lone parent, you will already have faced much more challenging things than this and beaten them! Do your best to enjoy the time with your DD - swimming, walking, little shops, pizzas and ice creams etc - and just don’t worry about travelling home once you’ve booked the taxi. The airport staff will help, at both ends.

Hersetta427 · 13/09/2018 08:31

We use suntransfers for taxi transfer all over europe - book and pay online so its all sorted.

Lethaldrizzle · 13/09/2018 08:31

It's not the help with child care you need someone, it's company - in the evenings especially. I think your friend behaved appallingly