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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be upset friend has ‘abandoned’ us on holiday

540 replies

Abandonedabroad · 12/09/2018 22:20

My mum has kindly paid for me and my two year old DD to go on holiday to Majorca for my birthday present. I’m a lone parent on a low income and haven’t had a holiday abroad for years nor am I likely to be able to afford one for several more so it’s a huge treat and I have been looking forward to it for many months. My mum has paid for the accommodation for me, DD and a friend and flights for me and DD so friend only had to pay for her flight. I invited one of my best friends to come along. I’ve known her for 13 years, trust her completely, have been on holiday with her before and have never had so much as a cross word let alone an argument with her. She adores DD and is great with her.

Friend wanted to hire a car which I wasn’t bothered about, but she was keen and I offered to go halves but she said she was happy to pay for it as she was getting the holiday free. On that basis I decided to bring DD’s (big, heavy) car seat as it seemed tricky to book one for the hire car and after getting advice on here seemed a better idea overall.

We flew out two days ago. DD had never been on a plane before and was tearful and clingy so it was a huge help to have friend there and would have been a nightmare without her.

We’ve all three of us been suffering with a cold/chesty cough thing since being here but not incapacitated and everyone has been up and about and functioning ok.

Today friend went out for a few hours and on her return announced that she was feeling too unwell, the bed wasn’t comfortable enough and she was going home. I was just in shock and tried asking why but friend just kept repeating she felt ill and was leaving. I got quite panicky and angry and we argued but she’s gone. She took the car seat out of the hire car, brought it up to the apartment and left in the hire car.

I’m just in shock. There’s eight days left of the holiday, I’ve got more luggage than I can carry and I’m on my own with a two year old.

No other friends can come out at short notice.

My boyfriend can’t leave to come here as he’s housesitting. He called my friend to try to figure things out and she said she felt terrible but she had to be by herself and had been dealing with stress building up for a while. I feel bad that she isn’t feeling good but I’m hurt and angry that she’s left me in this situation. I haven’t heard from her since she left this afternoon.

What the fuck do I do? I’ll have to get a taxi to the airport when the time comes but not sure how to book one, it’s a small town and my Spanish is not great.

I would come home early but a) my mum has paid for this and would be really upset so I’m going to have to brave it out and say I had a brilliant time so as not to hurt her feelings and b) leaving early doesn’t actually solve any of the problems of carrying all the stuff and dealing with DD on my own on the plane (she has already informed me several times that she does not like the plane and isn’t going on it 😐) so I might as well stay till the end.

I’m just so bewildered and shocked and perhaps I am being selfish if friend is having some kind of crisis but I just don’t feel like speaking to her again after this

OP posts:
billybagpuss · 18/09/2018 08:13

This has been an issue that musicians face regularly on flights. You can not put instruments like a cello in the hold so they will buy an extra seat for it (there's a cartoon with someone telling the steward that his cello will have the chicken and a gin and tonic) but airlines want to prioritise people over instruments and try and sell the instruments seat.

Musicians Union have been involved there have been incidents where theres been a stand off with the airline wanting to put £1m instruments in the hold. So don't count on your friends seat being free and her luggage allowance. If you are likely to be over contact the airline beforehand.

The airlines have had to back down on the instruments but are unlikely to over a car seat and a few extra toys.

Have a good flight home and enjoy your last couple of days.

Smidge001 · 18/09/2018 08:14

Agree with finallyhere. You might get away with checking in the baggage initially. But if the person with that seat doesn't board the plane, they will definitely remove the luggage.
Otherwise what is stopping someone putting something dodgy in a suitcase and putting it on the plane, then buggering off and letting it blow up without them even being on board?! Wouldn't be a need for the term suicide bombers.

OrangeSunsets · 18/09/2018 10:24

When your friend doesn’t check in her seat will be classed as available so may be given to someone else. You won’t be able to use her baggage allowance. If you are over just explain nicely to the check in agent and they may be kind enough to let you off the excess baggage charges.

Hullaballooooo · 18/09/2018 10:36

Did you pay for a seat for your daughter or did she go free? If you don't have a seat for her, can you transfer the other ticket to her for a small fee? That way you will have the luggage allowance & depending on the car seat you might be able to strap her into that on the flight. Just a thought.

Abandonedabroad · 18/09/2018 11:50

Thanks all, friend and I paid for hold luggage, DDhas got her own seat but not hold luggage allowance. I think I’ll just explain to the staff at the airport and see if I can put one of the cabin bags in the hold, but I won’t pack any liquids in it just in case it’s not possible. It’s not the end of the world if I have to carry two rucksacks onto the plane so not too worried. And I’ll just have to hope the other seat stays empty!

Went on a bus to a different town today which was a bit of an adventure but going to relax at the apartment and pool until we go back now.

Looking forward to going home though I must admit.

Thanks again to those (nice ones) who have been following this thread and advising x

OP posts:
Sunnystars · 18/09/2018 12:07

I only came across your thread this morning so this is probably too late to be of any use to you now but it may be of use to someone reading this...

www.acrossthecostas.com/en/

Disfordarkchocolate · 18/09/2018 12:10

Last time we flew my husband had booked the luggage allowance and it was all allocated to his seat.

Panda81 · 18/09/2018 12:48

You could also see how much extra it would cost to check another bag in. Sometimes it's worth paying a bit extra to make life a little easier!

CassandraCross · 18/09/2018 13:41

I think you said you were flying with Ryanair, if so, you will get the hold luggage allowance you booked on your boarding card (1 case 20kg) and if you need to check in an extra case they will charge you for it (extortionately) BUT unless you have booked the ticket to allow two items of hand luggage on the plane they will take one off you at the bottom of the steps prior to you boarding the aircraft and put it in the hold free of charge. You will be allowed one small bag on the plane with you.

If you are worried about how much you have going back it may well be wise to book an additional case into the hold now, it will be cheaper than being charged at the airport. Only problem with doing that is that you will have to re-print your Boarding Card.

Ryanair are sticklers for charging where they can, I would have suggested trying to contact them via phone or web chat BUT they take forever to do either and the phone charges are ludicrously high.

I think you will be okay, explaining that your friend who travelled out there with you left you in the lurch and came back early will probably go in your favour. I've found the Ryanair staff at the Spanish end far more sympathetic than those in the UK.

Good luck, OP. Glad you enjoyed your holiday.

BasilFaulty · 18/09/2018 14:13

Good luck today OP, glad to hear your holiday turned out well. Flowers
tell your friend I say hi when you sit down next to her on the plane Wink

MachineBee · 18/09/2018 21:34

Echoing PPs who say watch out for RyanAir charging an arm and a leg at airport.

LoniceraJaponica · 18/09/2018 22:17

I hope you have an uneventful jouney home. Please post and let us know you are back safely.

Mummyoflittledragon · 19/09/2018 06:34

Safe flight home Smile.

Quangot · 19/09/2018 09:58

"Last time we flew my husband had booked the luggage allowance and it was all allocated to his seat."

Did they put him in the hold? Grin

Quangot · 19/09/2018 09:59

Safe journey home OP Thanks

Gushpanka · 19/09/2018 19:08

How did it go, op? Hope you're home, safe and sound!

Danceintherain2018 · 19/09/2018 19:21

Safe trip home op :)

Abandonedabroad · 19/09/2018 19:31

Hello, going home early tomorrow morning, taxi to airport booked for 0630 and flying home with easyJet - I think I’ll explain the situation to the staff there and see what they say about the luggage - I’ve packed one of the cabin bags so that it can either be hand luggage or go in the hold so it’s no big deal either way. Will drop the car seat and big suitcase as soon as we get there which will then leave me with two rucksacks (if I can’t check one in), the buggy and DD but should be able to manage those. And hope that the seat next to us remains empty! DD understands that there is a bag of toys and sweets for her when we get on the plane and seems much more cheerful at the prospect now Grin
I’ve not heard from friend but I’ll see if she gets in touch at some point and take it from there, I’m not going to chase her. My boyfriend is meeting us at the airport so that’s good. Throughout this whole thing he’s been so supportive and sweet and I’ve realised that I’m properly in love with him and he’s definitely a keeper, so that’s something Smile

I will update when we’re back safe in the UK!

OP posts:
LemonysSnicket · 19/09/2018 19:43

That's very strange. Does she have any depression? It sounds like she's panicking.

Motoko · 19/09/2018 20:10

Safe trip OP.

flowergrrl77 · 19/09/2018 21:39

Thank you for the update! Will be thinking of you checking in and hoping that seat stays empty to give you guys more room on the plane!

HSMMaCM · 19/09/2018 22:22

Sounds like you're all prepared. Enjoy your last night.

incywincybitofa · 19/09/2018 22:26

Safe journey

Dorkdiary · 20/09/2018 11:18

Safe journey home op. Hope everything went well.

Jackietheduck · 20/09/2018 12:18

Good luck OP. I hope your friend wasn’t sitting in the seat beside you on the way back!