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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be upset friend has ‘abandoned’ us on holiday

540 replies

Abandonedabroad · 12/09/2018 22:20

My mum has kindly paid for me and my two year old DD to go on holiday to Majorca for my birthday present. I’m a lone parent on a low income and haven’t had a holiday abroad for years nor am I likely to be able to afford one for several more so it’s a huge treat and I have been looking forward to it for many months. My mum has paid for the accommodation for me, DD and a friend and flights for me and DD so friend only had to pay for her flight. I invited one of my best friends to come along. I’ve known her for 13 years, trust her completely, have been on holiday with her before and have never had so much as a cross word let alone an argument with her. She adores DD and is great with her.

Friend wanted to hire a car which I wasn’t bothered about, but she was keen and I offered to go halves but she said she was happy to pay for it as she was getting the holiday free. On that basis I decided to bring DD’s (big, heavy) car seat as it seemed tricky to book one for the hire car and after getting advice on here seemed a better idea overall.

We flew out two days ago. DD had never been on a plane before and was tearful and clingy so it was a huge help to have friend there and would have been a nightmare without her.

We’ve all three of us been suffering with a cold/chesty cough thing since being here but not incapacitated and everyone has been up and about and functioning ok.

Today friend went out for a few hours and on her return announced that she was feeling too unwell, the bed wasn’t comfortable enough and she was going home. I was just in shock and tried asking why but friend just kept repeating she felt ill and was leaving. I got quite panicky and angry and we argued but she’s gone. She took the car seat out of the hire car, brought it up to the apartment and left in the hire car.

I’m just in shock. There’s eight days left of the holiday, I’ve got more luggage than I can carry and I’m on my own with a two year old.

No other friends can come out at short notice.

My boyfriend can’t leave to come here as he’s housesitting. He called my friend to try to figure things out and she said she felt terrible but she had to be by herself and had been dealing with stress building up for a while. I feel bad that she isn’t feeling good but I’m hurt and angry that she’s left me in this situation. I haven’t heard from her since she left this afternoon.

What the fuck do I do? I’ll have to get a taxi to the airport when the time comes but not sure how to book one, it’s a small town and my Spanish is not great.

I would come home early but a) my mum has paid for this and would be really upset so I’m going to have to brave it out and say I had a brilliant time so as not to hurt her feelings and b) leaving early doesn’t actually solve any of the problems of carrying all the stuff and dealing with DD on my own on the plane (she has already informed me several times that she does not like the plane and isn’t going on it 😐) so I might as well stay till the end.

I’m just so bewildered and shocked and perhaps I am being selfish if friend is having some kind of crisis but I just don’t feel like speaking to her again after this

OP posts:
Abandonedabroad · 17/09/2018 17:06

Oh really? But the seat and hold luggage have been paid for and not cancelled? Can anyone who knows about this stuff advise?! Thank you!!

OP posts:
Abandonedabroad · 17/09/2018 17:09

When we flew out all that was needed to check in the hold luggage was for the boarding pass to be scanned, so I assumed it’d be the same coming back? I’ve Still got her boarding pass because I booked all the seats together

OP posts:
sunshineroo · 17/09/2018 17:10

Hi

Airlines regularly overbook flights on the assumption that people don't turn up. I bet that someone else will be given her seat and luggage allowance when she doesn't turn
Up.

Even if not, I bet they won't let You use her luggage allowance. I would go assuming that you're have to pay for the additional luggage and that a stranger will be sat in her seat.

Hope you manage to enjoy the last few days of your holiday.

Womaningreen · 17/09/2018 17:13

also, even if you physically have her boarding pass, when she booked a flight home, surely she will have tried to cancel the existing one, even if she doesn't get a full refund?

Abandonedabroad · 17/09/2018 17:14

Ok good to know, thanks!

OP posts:
Abandonedabroad · 17/09/2018 17:14

No she didn’t cancel it, she just bought a new one

OP posts:
Gushpanka · 17/09/2018 17:19

I'm so pleased you've had a good time!

Ignore all the nastiness on this thread about your dd. 2 year olds are 2 year olds and if your friend didn't want to be around one then she didn't need to come. She has let you down and you've done nothing wron - its not like you surprised her wirh dd!

Good luck on the flight back. The extra seat be awesome if you can.keep it.

Aragog · 17/09/2018 17:19

I can completely understand why your friend ditched you.

So, you just don't agree to go. You don't just do a runner once there.

LoniceraJaponica · 17/09/2018 17:21

Was that really necessary PuddinginPerth? Hmm

Gushpanka · 17/09/2018 17:22

If you're on the same booking then luggage allowance is shared and if you have already checked in with boarding passes, you should have the extra seat although its true it might be sold if your friend doesnt turn up.

RainbowsArePretty · 17/09/2018 17:23

Glad you and DD are having fun!

Abandonedabroad · 17/09/2018 17:25

It’s ok, some people are just nasty!

Yeah that’s what I thought, it was a shared allowance before so 20 KG each but it didn’t matter if one was 25 and the other 15 for example so I assumed it would be the same on the way back, it’s all been booked under my name and paid for with my card – friend just paid me back for her ticket at the time of the booking but she’s definitely not cancelled it.

OP posts:
TheDowagerCuntess · 17/09/2018 19:32

I would be a bit wary about what you'll be entitled to luggage-wise on the return flight.

Obviously your friend won't be checking in, and they'll need to update their headcount for security reasons.

I would definitely ask when you check in - clearly the seat has been paid for, so hopefully you're still entitled to it.

Witchofzog · 17/09/2018 20:40

@puddinginperth. The op had no intention of bringing a car seat until her friend insisted on hiring a car so why don't you read the full thread and keep your wtf to yourself.

mikulkin · 18/09/2018 01:26

You can’t put luggage on her boarding pass. Since she wouldn’t board the plane they will notice that luggage is put on boarding pass of missing person, then they will have to take away luggage registered in her boarding pass and leave it in the airport. It is for security reasons, they can’t allow any luggage of people who didn’t board the plane.

The seat next to you probably still be empty since they will be waiting for her and calling her name and not giving this seat to anyone. Eventually they will just leave since she wouldn’t turn up.

Jeanclaudejackety · 18/09/2018 07:23

For a parenting forum people can be really nasty about kids! Im under no illusion my own dd is the best child in the world, perfect etc, but I think to describe going on holiday with someone else's child as "hell" is a bit much, they're don't deliberately exist to annoy people, slightly harsh to slag off a two year old who seems fairly easy in the grand scheme of things. I don't know just seems off. If I heard people being so disparing about kids in real life I'd not like it tbh.

Jeanclaudejackety · 18/09/2018 07:23

Sorry for the typos I have lost my glasses ha

Jeanclaudejackety · 18/09/2018 07:26

Love the person saying wtf to bringing a car seat, what would you do then, let your 2 year old bounce around unrestrained in a car just so you look chilled and not too OTT?! Bet you take things on holiday that you consider essential that others think are ridiculous

LIZS · 18/09/2018 07:29

If dd is two she will have her own seat and luggage allowance.

Nanny0gg · 18/09/2018 07:30

It’s not really a fun holiday for her being around your sick 2 year old daughter and having to help you do everything.

She didn't have to help with everything and she knew the child well and what she was getting into. It was her choice to go.

But let's not let facts get in the way of an opportunity to be nasty behind a screen, eh?

longwayoff · 18/09/2018 07:38

Some people are just vile OP, ignore them and enjoy whats left of your holiday.

MsJolly · 18/09/2018 07:46

Enjoy your holiday Wine

SusanneLinder · 18/09/2018 07:47

Totally placemarking to see if friend is on same flight tomorrow and for updates

FinallyHere · 18/09/2018 08:03

a row to ourselves and her baggage allowance too,

to check in the hold luggage was for the boarding pass to be scanned

They might let you check in luggage like this, but when the person on that ticket does not show up for the flight, they will off load the luggage with all the delay that that will mean. And I for one find it reassuring.

Iamtheoneandonly2018 · 18/09/2018 08:07

Haven't read the full thread thread but don't you have a choice whether to have a buggy OR a car seat disregarded as part of your luggage allowance.