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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be upset friend has ‘abandoned’ us on holiday

540 replies

Abandonedabroad · 12/09/2018 22:20

My mum has kindly paid for me and my two year old DD to go on holiday to Majorca for my birthday present. I’m a lone parent on a low income and haven’t had a holiday abroad for years nor am I likely to be able to afford one for several more so it’s a huge treat and I have been looking forward to it for many months. My mum has paid for the accommodation for me, DD and a friend and flights for me and DD so friend only had to pay for her flight. I invited one of my best friends to come along. I’ve known her for 13 years, trust her completely, have been on holiday with her before and have never had so much as a cross word let alone an argument with her. She adores DD and is great with her.

Friend wanted to hire a car which I wasn’t bothered about, but she was keen and I offered to go halves but she said she was happy to pay for it as she was getting the holiday free. On that basis I decided to bring DD’s (big, heavy) car seat as it seemed tricky to book one for the hire car and after getting advice on here seemed a better idea overall.

We flew out two days ago. DD had never been on a plane before and was tearful and clingy so it was a huge help to have friend there and would have been a nightmare without her.

We’ve all three of us been suffering with a cold/chesty cough thing since being here but not incapacitated and everyone has been up and about and functioning ok.

Today friend went out for a few hours and on her return announced that she was feeling too unwell, the bed wasn’t comfortable enough and she was going home. I was just in shock and tried asking why but friend just kept repeating she felt ill and was leaving. I got quite panicky and angry and we argued but she’s gone. She took the car seat out of the hire car, brought it up to the apartment and left in the hire car.

I’m just in shock. There’s eight days left of the holiday, I’ve got more luggage than I can carry and I’m on my own with a two year old.

No other friends can come out at short notice.

My boyfriend can’t leave to come here as he’s housesitting. He called my friend to try to figure things out and she said she felt terrible but she had to be by herself and had been dealing with stress building up for a while. I feel bad that she isn’t feeling good but I’m hurt and angry that she’s left me in this situation. I haven’t heard from her since she left this afternoon.

What the fuck do I do? I’ll have to get a taxi to the airport when the time comes but not sure how to book one, it’s a small town and my Spanish is not great.

I would come home early but a) my mum has paid for this and would be really upset so I’m going to have to brave it out and say I had a brilliant time so as not to hurt her feelings and b) leaving early doesn’t actually solve any of the problems of carrying all the stuff and dealing with DD on my own on the plane (she has already informed me several times that she does not like the plane and isn’t going on it 😐) so I might as well stay till the end.

I’m just so bewildered and shocked and perhaps I am being selfish if friend is having some kind of crisis but I just don’t feel like speaking to her again after this

OP posts:
Branleuse · 16/09/2018 21:02

yeah def cancel her flight just in case. Let her sort herself out

Jackietheduck · 16/09/2018 21:04

Don’t cancel her flight home. In a few years regardless of whether or not you are in contact with her, you will regret doing that. Be the bigger person.

EK36 · 16/09/2018 21:28

A few weeks after you get back home, talk to your friend and find out what happened. Ask her is she is okay? She might not be. Maybe she's gone through something terrible or suffering from a mental illness. Maybe she's just an arse. But you won't know, until you talk to her and find out why she left.

Tinywhale · 16/09/2018 21:30

The friend paid for her own flight. OP can’t cancel it!

Aridane · 16/09/2018 21:47

You cannot cancel her flight!!

notacooldad · 16/09/2018 21:50

It's not the OPs flight to cancel.
Stop being ridiculous!

ohshitonit · 16/09/2018 23:08

Shit in her suitcase then

TheDowagerCuntess · 16/09/2018 23:31

Jeez, some people just love a meaningless drama.

crispysausagerolls · 17/09/2018 09:54

Shit in her suitcase then

This made me laugh out loud - especially given your username!

OneStepSideways · 17/09/2018 10:33

I'd be angry and upset too. She let you down when you needed her.

But try to see it from her perspective too. When inviting her did you say you needed her to help with DD? It sounds like you invited her to help out more than anything. She might have envisaged a different sort of holiday, eg sightseeing, visiting different parts of the island, boat trips, eating out in the evenings... the sort of things impossible with a two year old (but she wouldn't know that!) Trying to calm your own whiny toddler on a flight is awful, let alone someone else's! I remember carrying mine up the plane steps mid tantrum, while she scratched my face and pulled my hair! Then the endless demands for attention and the way everything has to be structured around them, every conversation is interrupted, no privacy, no chance of a lie in past 6am. Add feeling unwell to that and the toddler coughing all night, it's no wonder your friend cracked!

But she should have just explained the situation and booked a hotel nearby. And still met up with you in the day time, helped on the return flight etc.

JessicaJonesJacket · 17/09/2018 10:36

I'm also finding it odd that she's texting your bf and not you. He's only been your bf for a few months and yet she's more comfortable texting him than you, her friend of 13 years. Confused

Motoko · 17/09/2018 11:52

She's probably texting the BF because she knows she's done a shitty thing to OP, and is scared of OP's reaction. She's taken the coward's way out.

NataliaOsipova · 17/09/2018 12:13

Basically she wanted to stay on the holiday, just not with you

I think this is it in a nutshell. And that's why she's ringing your boyfriend. She's leaving today? I bet the next thing will be that she couldn't get a flight so will have to be on the same flight home with you.

I think it must be completely awful if you do suffer from mental health problems to see people excuse every bit of selfish, shitty behaviour in this way. Maybe she has had a mental breakdown and will be receiving appropriate treatment for this in the future, at which point OP can then reassess her feelings about the situation and the woman. But the most likely scenario - in basic probability terms - is that she's been monumentally selfish.

alphajuliet123 · 17/09/2018 12:38

@Abandonedabroad how's it going? Hope you're ok and still having fun in the sun, think you must still have 2 or 3 days left?

Abandonedabroad · 17/09/2018 13:51

Hello! Yes got two days left, not heard any more from friend, I’ll wait to see if she contacts me when I get home. Sorry I’ve not been back on the thread much, the speculation on various things is getting a bit crazy! But I understand why people are trying to figure it out of course, it is quite weird and confusing. And I don’t really have anything to add that would help make sense of it. But DD and I are having a lovely time, she’s been saying ‘hola’ to everyone we meet which is very cute! The weather’s not been too bad, we’ve been to the pool and/or the beach every day and tried a different new fish for dinner every night. So it’s been lovely but I’m also looking forward to getting home and seeing my boyfriend. He’s been phoning a couple of times a day to make sure I’m ok, and messaging lots, as have my other friends and my mum. So we’re fine, thank you Smile

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 17/09/2018 14:18

Glad it’s going well. What did your boyfriend say to your ‘friend’ when she spoke to him?

Motoko · 17/09/2018 15:04

Glad you're having a good time. Do come back when you're home and let us know how you got on with the journey back.

Mummyoflittledragon · 17/09/2018 15:16

That’s great. 😊

FinallyHere · 17/09/2018 15:52

Would still like to know how many bedrooms and who was sleeping where in this free accommodation

Abandonedabroad · 17/09/2018 16:43

Two bedrooms, me with DD and friend in her own room. Big flat, two balconies, pool

OP posts:
Abandonedabroad · 17/09/2018 16:45

Thank you, will update! Went and bought a little bag and lots of toys and sweets to put in it for the plane. I still have friend’s seat on the plane (she bought an additional one to go home the other day) so we’ll have a row to ourselves and her baggage allowance too, so I’ll put my cabin bag in the hold and just take DD’s on the plane so less to carry

OP posts:
Abandonedabroad · 17/09/2018 16:47

My boyfriend was very kind to her and gently encouraged her to be around her friends if she was feeling that stressed and at crisis point, but she said she needed to be on her own.

OP posts:
Womaningreen · 17/09/2018 16:52

so your friend has gone home, sounds like she needed that

but won't she have tried to cancel her seat on the day you are flying back?

PuddinginPerth · 17/09/2018 17:02

I can completely understand why your friend ditched you.

It’s not really a fun holiday for her being around your sick 2 year old daughter and having to help you do everything.

They call if the terrible twos for a reason.

You’ve started to rely on your friend for things (you’ve been said it yourself - you don’t know how you’ll do it on your own). You’ve overpacked, you brought a car seat!! WTF?! And you’re holidaying at a place you don’t understand the language.

You are not being unreasonable that you feel overwhelmed. But that is exactly how your friend felt and she had the luxury to leave.

I would say don’t take this personally; but it was personal. I’ve been a single person on holiday with children present and whilst the parents think everything that the kids do are absolutely wonderful ....they are the only ones. I also wished I could bail but was satisfied I had only lost a long weekend - not entire weeks.

The trip sounded like hell.

elessar · 17/09/2018 17:04

I'm not sure but I wouldn't assume you can just use her baggage allowance if she's not travelling? I certainly wouldn't depend on it and I'd make sure you don't have any liquids over 100mls in the carry on bag as you don't want the hassle at the airport if they don't allow you to do this and you then have to rearrange all your hand luggage.