I'm probably BU, but I think it's unfair.....

[TawnyTeal]

I'm feeling very frustrated and annoyed with my OH, but he is so convinced I'm being unreasonable that I am now doubting myself.....

I've typically done most/all of the cooking. It has previously been fine - I enjoy it (mostly), and have had the time to be the one planning and cooking. Things have changed now, not the least due to a very active 2 year old and some changes to my health issues/medical conditions.

So, we discussed sharing the cooking/meal preparation responsibilities, and agreed to start off with OH cooking 2 nights a week. All good the first week, but then came the rub....

When I cook/plan, I often make a double amount so that I can freeze half to use as a meal for the next week or as a base to make a different meal later in the week.

OH, however, has decided that on his nights to cook, he can just take out one of the meals from the freezer (that I prepared!) and use it for dinner. So in effect, I am doing all the planning and cooking - he is just defrosting/reheating my cooking, and I then have to cook something else on day I was going to use that meal from the freezer!

So, AIBU to feel that this is unfair? Or am I being precious?

I don't see how he can claim that's reasonable he's not cooking if he is using your leftovers. You really need to sit down and have a discussion bout sharing the load equally, but be fully prepared for him to 'not get it'.

YANBU. Just tell him that the stuff in the freezer is for later in the week and to cook something else. I don't think he WBU to use the freezer stuff if you hadn't told him that, though.

And if he doesn't get it, let your freezer supply dwindle enough he realises he has to pull his weight preparing meals from scratch too.

What a twat. I'd start mislabelling stuff. Or hiding a freezer in the garage.

Of course it’s unfair. The frozen leftovers are an ‘easy’ option as they don’t take any thought, planning, prepping or effort.

tell him if he makes double to freeze then it can be defrosted and used another time but it works on a 1 in the freezer you get to use 1 out of the freezer so once he starts building a few in freezer then he can legitimately use a freezer meal later

I don't think he WBU to use the freezer stuff if you hadn't told him that, though.

That's the sort of thing I would expect to have to tell a child not a grown man. Surely the statement of him being responsible for cooking 2 meals implies that he ought to be actually doing some cooking. I wouldn't expect to have to be so explicit in telling him not to use the leftovers with a fully functioning adult.

Is he really that obtuse? Or is he just trying it on? No, of course YANBU. HIBU.

That's just it - he doesn't get it. He sees it as he is the one getting dinner on the table, so it is fine.....

I made a double batch of bolognese sauce/ragu on Saturday, and froze half to turn into lasagne today. I even labelled it clearly and told him what it was for. He served it up last night with pasta.

YANBU - he's cheating, ask him to do some batch cooking too!

While you're telling him that using your freezer prepared meals doesn't count as cooking, you might have to tell him that serving frozen pizza, ready meals or takeaway doesn't count either.

He could however, do most/all his cooking for 2 nights in one go. Eg a roast and then pie/pasta bake/curry with the leftovers. Or chilli with leftovers into enchiladas. Or bolognese sauce and then lasagne. You know, all that stuff that's obvious to anyone with half a brain.

He needs to make double so on your night you can grab it out of the freezer too.

I even labelled it clearly and told him what it was for

From this I think we can establish that he thinks he knows better than you and that he does not value what you do. Maybe it is time to be passive aggressive and only cook for yourselves for a while. If that doesn't work then maybe it is better for him to live alone. No amount of discussing this will get him to understand the problem.

He is being lazy and still sees cooking as your job.
I would tell him that every time he uses one of your prepared meals, he has to cook two extra nights - one to replace your meal, and one so that he actually takes his turn.

I made a double batch of bolognese sauce/ragu on Saturday, and froze half to turn into lasagne today. I even labelled it clearly and told him what it was for. He served it up last night with pasta.

So it’s his turn to cook on the day you had planned to do lasagne.

I'd just like to have 2 nights a week where I haven't had to think about dinner, prep it or cook it.

The main reason I batch cook when I can, is that sometimes I just don't feel well enough to do the whole thing of a night (so I pre-make part to reduce the time I need to spend on the night), or if I'm feeling really terrible, I can just take a home-made meal out of the freezer.

OH can't see the difference between me taking it out of the freezer and us having it for dinner, and him doing the same..... I honestly feel like I'm banging my head on a brick wall.

He's a CF.

I would also mislabel (cat food DO NOT EAT), hide in garage freezer, not double up etc. until he got the message and HAD to cook.

Why not change to meal planning and cooking for a week. It is a bit time intensive to set up but saves time later each week.

Put a lisit of the meal plans for that week and where the receipes are (if they rely on a recipe) on the fridge and get your DH to cook and clean up at leats 3 times aweek and once at the weekend (using this list) so that he is a least doing the bulk of the actual cooking and clearing up when you are doing the plannign and less cooking.

Alternatively get him to do menu palns and do the shopping each week (he can do it online) and you cook what he has planned/shopped for. Maybe you could check the first few meal plans with him and help him put them together . If you come up with 4-6 meal plans he can just rotate them and order the appropriate food for them each week. It should also be his responsibilty to order any staples you have run out of that week, as long as you and he write it on a list as you notice so he can add it to the weekly shop.

DH and I have worked like this for food planning, shopping and cookign for years and it works. On of us plans and does the online shop. the actual cooking is done by whoever gets home first. We just check the menu plan for the week and cook something from that.

In our house you have the choice of doing the weekly money budget and planning and finances ot the food planning and shopping. cooking and clearing up is shared and dependent on how busy each of us is

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone

I don't think he WBU to use the freezer stuff if you hadn't told him that, though.

That's the sort of thing I would expect to have to tell a child not a grown man.

^^ this. It isn't that he can't see it, it's that he doesn't want to see it. Stop making double quantities, use up all the frozen meals on your nights, then let him get on with it. I bet he'll start buying ready meals though.

He's a gaslighting twat.

Tell him to make his own dinner from now on.

He’s a selfish tosser. Take your freezer contents to a friends house?
He also has to not buy takeaway. If he can’t cook a decent meal he leaves you solely responsible for decent healthy meals for the family, which means you canT decide take away any nights if you are fed up. If he’s fine with that he can fuck off.

Stop cooking for him. He already doesn't cook for you.

He’s having a fucking giraffe thinking that he is sorting the food out by taking out the food you batch cooked!

OP he is a typical non-cook (often male) who has no idea of the planining and thinking that goes into coming up with food for a family all week, week in week out.

Get him to do that side of it as well as a couple of nights cooking and see if he 'gets your point than about using your 'batch cooked food on his 'cooking' night