I'm probably BU, but I think it's unfair.....

[TawnyTeal]

I'm feeling very frustrated and annoyed with my OH, but he is so convinced I'm being unreasonable that I am now doubting myself.....

I've typically done most/all of the cooking. It has previously been fine - I enjoy it (mostly), and have had the time to be the one planning and cooking. Things have changed now, not the least due to a very active 2 year old and some changes to my health issues/medical conditions.

So, we discussed sharing the cooking/meal preparation responsibilities, and agreed to start off with OH cooking 2 nights a week. All good the first week, but then came the rub....

When I cook/plan, I often make a double amount so that I can freeze half to use as a meal for the next week or as a base to make a different meal later in the week.

OH, however, has decided that on his nights to cook, he can just take out one of the meals from the freezer (that I prepared!) and use it for dinner. So in effect, I am doing all the planning and cooking - he is just defrosting/reheating my cooking, and I then have to cook something else on day I was going to use that meal from the freezer!

So, AIBU to feel that this is unfair? Or am I being precious?

Op regarding your last update, you should not feel guilty for having health issues. He should be feeling guilty for not pulling his weight!!

If he can hold down a job he can follow a simple recipe and cook on his days. There is no such thing as can't cook.

Sit down with him and agree a repertoire of a few meals he can cook from scratch. If necessary create a recipe file and shopping list for him. Forbid using stuff you've put in the freezer but don't expect him to batch cook - that might come later. Expect to eat the same things over and over on your 'nights off'!

Yes, treat him like a stroppy teenager who needs to be firmly instructed and supported to do the right thing and pull their weight around the house.

..his attitude is uncaring and that's what would bother me. He doesn't want to make your life any easier, or do his bit for the family, properly.

Unfortunately, this. It's a fairly fundamental part of a relationship, empathy with the other and wanting to do things for them.

On the narrow question of the cooking, the response to his legalistic approach is a one-in, one-out rule. You can only take out of the freezer equal to what you have provided to the freezer.

But, really, you shouldn't have to fight a zero-sum game with him.

Ask the NDN if you can pop it in their freezer?

He is def unreasonable - IF he cooks double on one night he can use one on the second but replaces it with the double from the other night - that is prob fair. But you do need to make the point about the other being for the nights you are not well enough so HE doesn't have to cook then.

I am far too ill to work. Don’t feel guilty. Your oh needs to seriously grow up. Very immature of him especially considering you have health issues.

I'm sorry your OP did make me laugh, my DH would do exactly the same thing, I would be equally pissed off and would probably be unreasonable too.

However when I put my reasonable head on, he is putting a meal on the table so you don't have to, I know your idea and his idea are very different here. Don't do any more batch cooking for a while (or if you do hide it)

It will be interesting what happens when the batch cooked stuff runs out.

I would sabotage the frozen meal. Either leave something out that is is essential or add something like a huge amount of salt (or possibly soap).

Or i'd divide the ragu up into 10 small sandwich bags and hide them in the freezer, so one in a box of fish fingers, another in an icecream carton. They would also be mislabled.
Yes I can be petty.

I'm sorry but I can see the funny side of this! Yes, he is being a CF, but, hell, you can't blame the bloke for trying.

Change the agreement.

You cook 2 nights per week, he reheats your pre-cooked food 2 nights and cooks the other 2 (at least enough to reheat on the 7th day).

Or, make sure you are booked to cook two days each time.
Day 1 - You cook 2x the amount.
Day 2 - You reheat or redress food from day before.
Day 3 - He cooks.
Day 4 - You cook 2x the amount.
Day 5 - You reheat or redress food from day before.
Day 6 - He cooks.
Day 7 - Takeaway or various left overs.

However when I put my reasonable head on, he is putting a meal on the table so you don't have to

It's not really reasonable, though, is it? It's the lazy option that defeats the reason why he should be cooking.

possible suggestion: do 2 nights in row & use your own batch cooking that way he cant cheat & no argument?

DH and I had a conversation last week about the last time he cooked me a proper meal from scratch, not just defrosted something I'd batch cooked or bunged something in the oven. We both remember it was a fish pie, Jamie Oliver recipe, I liked it (or said I did I can't remember it was so long ago) , he didn't like it. This was when we still lived in our flat and I was still polite enough to say I liked his cooking, so we estimated at least four or five years ago! He has made breakfast or lunches since but no full blown meals, but I love to cook and haven't touched the hoover, or cat litter in I can't remember how long. I do more of the laundry but he does more of the cleaning, I do most of the gardening but he does most of the DIY we will both do things to help the other, so this isn't about who cooks it's about fair division of labour. If you're DH really hates cooking is there another task he can take on instead? I'd rather cook every night than eat DHs food so I'm happy with our arrangement. He does happily cook for himself when I'm away for work though, and doesn't live on takeaways, although does do odd things like put honey in spaghetti Bolognese and think it's a taste sensation!

YANBU - he's a CF! Stop cooking the extra bits for a while he will soon get the message... sorry OP

If he uses a homemade meal from the freezer then he needs to replace that meal himself not pat himself on the back for "cooking tea".

That is just outrageous, that's all!

Tell him the whole reason the new plan is in order is to give you a break so when it's his time to cook he should also do double and freeze and then he can take of that if he can't be bothered to cook a new meal.

How is it funny? How is OP unreasonable? She made all the effort to cook, he stole it so she will now need to make the effort he should have made while he sits with his lazy fucking feet up.

That is not bloody funny. He's an ignorant prick.

As you can tell from my language it's a sore point as my DH is similar - when it comes to cooking he would rather eat unhealthy shit takeaway every night of his life rather than cook (though he wouldn't dare do what your DH did as he knows I'd rip his head off). He just goes to M&S and buys from their ready to cook range as I've limited take away to
once a week.

I do this and DH is not a great cook or a great planner but he always asks if it's OK to use leftovers from the freezer.
The only exception is if I've written LEFTOVERS on the meal planning blackboard.

He's taking the piss, and he knows it, he just doesn't care.

Sounds like your H has really done a number on you that you feel guilty about your serious health issues, and that you even had to ask MN if you were being U about this.

Time for a good long honest look about your relationship, methinks.

Rrrggghhh this would drive me mad.

It's not cooking, it's re-heating and means you have to work harder in the long run

1.Cooking a meal from scratch is time consuming

2.Batch cooking isn't much more effort and so cuts down the total time for two or more meals however the first time you cook / serve it isn't shortened

1. Re-heating is not the same as cooking (imo). No chopping, shorter cooking times, no planning, weighing etc

1. He is meant to be doing this to help you save time and energy. All he is doing is re-heating something which wouldn't have taken you much time or energy in the first place and is actually causing you more work as next time you will have to batch cook again instead of getting stuff out the freezer

If he's going to actually save you time he needs to help with the hard bit not the easy bit! All he's doing is depleting your supplies.

I wonder if he doesn't cook if he realises how much effort goes into it. I'd ask him to cook something like a lasagne from scratch and see how he finds it

I actually had something similar with my husband. I batch cook to save time and for when I don't feel great and he was using them when he was working from home. He hates cooking but will reheat a stew or something. I said I was doing it to save us time in the evenings so we could have more family time etc and now he gets a ready meal when he's at home or sometimes I do extra of my lunch. I told him I wasn't spending time and energy cooking to save him time for his lunches. He got the message though

I'd show him this thread. If he's trying to help you he needs to take on a bit of the work that you do and the bit that you find hard ie plan and cook from scratch

Sorry Mr Teal you'll have to try harder!!

Can you plan meals together and give him a specific meal to cook that you don't have in the freezer?

Oh ffs

Tell him cooking means cooking. What an arse.