I'm probably BU, but I think it's unfair.....

[TawnyTeal]

I'm feeling very frustrated and annoyed with my OH, but he is so convinced I'm being unreasonable that I am now doubting myself.....

I've typically done most/all of the cooking. It has previously been fine - I enjoy it (mostly), and have had the time to be the one planning and cooking. Things have changed now, not the least due to a very active 2 year old and some changes to my health issues/medical conditions.

So, we discussed sharing the cooking/meal preparation responsibilities, and agreed to start off with OH cooking 2 nights a week. All good the first week, but then came the rub....

When I cook/plan, I often make a double amount so that I can freeze half to use as a meal for the next week or as a base to make a different meal later in the week.

OH, however, has decided that on his nights to cook, he can just take out one of the meals from the freezer (that I prepared!) and use it for dinner. So in effect, I am doing all the planning and cooking - he is just defrosting/reheating my cooking, and I then have to cook something else on day I was going to use that meal from the freezer!

So, AIBU to feel that this is unfair? Or am I being precious?

I'd just stop batch cooking for a while.

But his attitude is uncaring and that's what would bother me. He doesn't want to make your life any easier, or do his bit for the family, properly.

Look, he knows exactly what he's doing. If you're spending you're time 'policing' the rules, then its not really less stress for you.

My OH is deliberately obtuse like this, and i have learnt you need to fight fire with fire to get them to admit they are in the wrong.

Don't bother arguing with him, make him admit his position is unreasonable.

Order takeaway on your nights. When he questions, say well dinner is on the table. He'll learn that how the dinner got there is important.

Use up the batches on your own nights. Say you cook Monday -Friday. Make ragu on Monday, use for lasagne on Fri. He can fend for himself on his cooking days.

As a last resort, just hide the batch cooking and take it out when you want.

It really worries me that you started with "I'm probably BU". Hopefully you have got the message from all the PP that you are not being even the tiniest bit U and he is being a CF of the first magnitude.

What else does he tell you you're unreasonable about?

I'm always genuinely surprised at the dickheadishness of some people's partners on MN.

OH can't see the difference between me taking it out of the freezer and us having it for dinner, and him doing the same

Of course he can see the difference, he just doesn't want to have to actually cook. Why are you falling for the pretense?

I also have a partner who can’t cook for anything

Sorry I don't buy this crap. I don't enjoy cooking but I still do it because it is necessary to survive. I am sure I am not alone in disliking cooking but I have never met an adult (or teen for that matter) who is not able to cook.

I know many lazy people who claim they cannot cook because others will do it for them but not one single person (disabilities and medical conditions aside) who cannot cook.

If you truly think your husband cannot cook, so you do it for him I am afraid to say you are being treated as a doormat.

Label the bolognaise 'chicken stock' and see how he gets on

And yep 'poor DH can't cook for anything' is Bullshit.

If he can read- then he can cook.

There are literally millions of books and websites devoted to telling people step-by-step how to prepare food for human consumption.

I feel like reaching for such a volume and smacking this man with it.

Yeah, I don't believe they can't cook either.

It really worries me that you started with "I'm probably BU". Hopefully you have got the message from all the PP that you are not being even the tiniest bit U and he is being a CF of the first magnitude.

What else does he tell you you're unreasonable about?

^^

Tmi thought this too, mitzi.

It's like you're second guessing yourself.

You’re definitely not BU. If the meal plans don’t work, I would tell him that defrosting something from the freezer doesn’t count as a meal and definitely doesn’t count towards his two nights of cooking.

Tmi = I thought this too

Arghhhh auto correct

I think when people say can't cook they mean can't cook very well. I can read recipes and watch the shows and yes, I can cook, after a fashion. But not very well. There is a talent to cooking well.
That said, I cook anyway because people have to eat.

You know, I've just been reminded of something that happened years ago when my youngest was born. Leaving aside that my mother and mother-in-law were both over at the same time (both living overseas, husband had been asked to coordinate her visit and arrange additional accommodation as he himself had suggested) - my mother was preparing and freezing extra veg in order to give me some easier meals once they'd both gone home. Meanwhile MIL uses it to "cook dinner" even before I'd left hospital.

YADNBU. He is reneging on the agreement.

Sorry to hear about your health issues. Might these mean you need to stop cooking altogether?

DH took over cooking on Fridays as he only works a half day, whilst I don't get in until 7pm.
We have had exactly the same meal every Friday for over 18 months. 😂
It's Mexican-style, with beans and tortillas, in case anyone wants to know.

Yes, what would he do if you couldn't cook at all? Sounds like time that he learnt and practiced so he became competent and used to doing it, just in case.

I agree with silverbirchtree. It's not you who needs to change your ways. It's him who needs be such a lazy arsed inconsiderate twat

CF. Cooking the meal includes planning and buying the food. YANBU!!

Wow how is he still alive lol

I married a guy who ‘can’t cook’. Obviously I explained he’s a capable adult required to produce appetising varied meals. I pointed him towards a few recipes. For parties I pushed him towards a few crowd pleasers which I made ‘his’ and never made again eg hummus. I had to remind him occasionally to revisit the recipe idea.
10 years on, he’s a great cook.

Thinking about it, I was second guessing myself, and probably do regarding a lot of things. Probably because I feel guilty about having some serious health issues.

As everyone else says you are not being unreasonable, you really shouldn't be doubting this. You have been given lots of practical ideas to push your DP to do what he should be doing without needing to be pushed into it.

You’ve said ‘share the cooking’ he’s heard ‘put a meal on the table’. What did he say when you pointed out he’s served Tuesdays dinner on Monday so he now needs to cook Tuesdays dinner?

I do all the cooking in my house because my DH "can't" cook. I've never understood why many men claim this yet are fully capable of learning new roles and tasks at work, they can teach themselves how a car engine works and how to fix it and google how to tune in the new telly. But cooking? Oh no. Far beyond their capabilities!

Luckily for us, I love to cook and prefer to do it and as a sahm it's pretty much my only job other than sorting the kids out, which DH also gets stuck in with when he finishes work. He's a wee domestic treasure who actually likes to get on with the laundry and has never been asked by me to clean up because it's automatic with him (i feel like a bit of a slob in comparison!)
If I ever need him to take over the cooking it's oven pizza or beige meals of nuggets, beans and waffles and suchlike but he wouldn't try anything trickier. If he wasn't as awesome in every other way, I'd never let that slide.

OP, your DH however is being a CF, passing off your cooking as his own. I would suggest you either stop batch cooking for a while or start cooking for just you (and the DC). He can cook his own. Then you'll both be doing almost your equal share. You cook for you and him for himself.