I'm probably BU, but I think it's unfair.....

[TawnyTeal]

I'm feeling very frustrated and annoyed with my OH, but he is so convinced I'm being unreasonable that I am now doubting myself.....

I've typically done most/all of the cooking. It has previously been fine - I enjoy it (mostly), and have had the time to be the one planning and cooking. Things have changed now, not the least due to a very active 2 year old and some changes to my health issues/medical conditions.

So, we discussed sharing the cooking/meal preparation responsibilities, and agreed to start off with OH cooking 2 nights a week. All good the first week, but then came the rub....

When I cook/plan, I often make a double amount so that I can freeze half to use as a meal for the next week or as a base to make a different meal later in the week.

OH, however, has decided that on his nights to cook, he can just take out one of the meals from the freezer (that I prepared!) and use it for dinner. So in effect, I am doing all the planning and cooking - he is just defrosting/reheating my cooking, and I then have to cook something else on day I was going to use that meal from the freezer!

So, AIBU to feel that this is unfair? Or am I being precious?

I know this sound a bit harsh but if he genuinely can't understand the difference between heating something you've made and cooking from scratch he got problems with his intelligence.

I actually doubt this is the case and as pp's have said he thinks he knows better than you and is being a cheeky fucked. If he genuinely can't get it stop batch cooking for a bit.

On your night tell him you were going to give him the meal you previously prepared but someone has taken it so he will have to fend for himself.

He's being an arse.

Actually, new rule. If you haven’t cooked it you can’t eat it. Leave him to it until he agrees to pull his weight.

There have been some good suggestions re meal planning and division of planning/shopping/cleaning up. Thank you!

It's a relief that you all don't think I'm being precious - this has really got under my skin and annoyed me.... Bloody OH!

Outrageous pisstaking from your DH

What a CF.

Him I mean, not you!!

In what way is using your predone meals him 'cooking'? That's not what you agreed. Tell him those meals don't count and are off limits.
Having said that, I would allow him to do easy meals - so supermarket pizza, or burgers and oven chips, would be ok by me as long as he's thought of it, bought it and put it in the oven. Still achieves the goal of you not having to sort it out.

You’re not being in the least bit unreasonable, I’m fuming on your behalf. I’d be tempted to sling beans on toast at him night after night on my way out of the house to get myself a decent meal elsewhere. I can’t help thinking this has gotta be the thin end of a big old wedge though, because if he can’t see that he’s taking the piss I think there’s more trouble ahead.

Is he always this friggin' dim???
Just tell him NOT to use anything you have made.
EVER.
He needs to plan, prep and cook each meal on HIS night.
I don't get why he doesn't get that!
Do NOT use my left overs! Make it from scratch.
What's so hard to understand there?

Since you're still getting the extra work even if you're batch cooking then what's the point of batch cooking?

Stop doing it for a bit and tell him he can make all meals if those are the stunts he's going to pull.

He's being a cunt. He knows it, you know it. We all know it.

Call him out.

Your husband is one lazy, self-serving arsehole. Stop making double batches of recipes, for one.

YANBU, what a lazy selfish arse.

To be honest I don't think he will 'get it' no matter what you try. It doesn't benefit him to understand. In his mind he is probably smugly thinking you'll get so sick of arguing about the situation that you will go back to cooking all week.

If he wanted to make an honest go of sharing the cooking he would have lasted longer than 2 meals (1 week). He is probably going to go into work tomorrow and whinge that he made you food and you got all stroppy and angry. People like him will never change because he will no longer get the easy life if he changes.

If he keeps that up you should switch to week about turns.

i batch cook on a Sunday. I do all the main bits for the week and DH does the heating/serving/making the pasta, rice, potatoes bit each night. Would that work for you?

If this were my DH I'd be inclined to cook him the meal I was planning without the element they used. So lasagne is just pasta and bechamel for instance. Making sure I had something decent to eat in hiding. Childish and petty I know, but it would get the point across.

So if he has used food YOU cooked to feed you both, then YOU are the one who cooked then, he STILL owes you a meal! He's not off the hook by any means

If you tell him that to stop this you will make it week on/week off, he might just 'get it'

I wouldn't consider leftovers "mine" because I'd cooked them. But then we don't have a set number of nights each to cook, just whoever is home first/has spare time just gets on with it.

Your DH was a twat to use up something you'd specifically asked him not to.

On the night that you were going to do lasagne, make all the rest of the components, and then tell him he needs to make the ragu to replace the one he took.

I'd go further, tell him that he now needs to make a lasagne from scratch, including the ragu, PLUS put a batch of ragu in the freezer to replace the one he used. Then he will have cooked one meal.

Can he cook?

I actually think there’s potential for middle ground on this. I absolutely think that if you’ve explicitly labelled something as being for another night then his cooking it is a bloody nerve, but I also think that if there is food in the freezer which has already been prepared then on some occasions that can be fair game.

I also think that there are occasions where it’s perfectly ok to throw a pizza or easy to cook meal in the oven, for both of you.

Like you I too have a serious health issue which means that on occasion I just don’t have the energy to be able to cook everything in one go, and for those occasions I have stuff which is already in the freezer and can just be thrown into the oven. I also have a partner who can’t cook for anything so if I told him he needed to cook I know that he would buy something which could be thrown into the oven and would legitimately think that that counted as having cooked vs me e.g. cooking a whole meal from scratch. But I pick my battles on that score.

I have recently started seriously menu planning and having only those things in the fridge/freezer which I intend to cook for the week, with a couple of backups for days wen I’m having a bad day.

In your position I would A, start to menu plan for the days when you’re cooking, and B, take the easy route on the days when you would otherwise have heated something from the freezer on account of the fact that you can’t be sure that he won’t use your batch cooked stuff. And I would stop batch cooking so that on the nights he has to cook he also has to plan what to cook, even if that’s an oven-ready solution.

my DH does exactly the same thing, all the time , even means we have had on occasion pretty much identical meals three/ four nights in a row, (we have one veggie that often eats different meals to the rest of us and I make a lot of freezer stuff as its hard to make items like vegie curry's in small quantities) and when he cant do this as I haven't restocked freezer with home made meals or the bases for them,, when its his turn the kids joke its always orange food, oven chips or oven wedges, baked beans, frozen fish fingers, chicken goujons etc and if I don't buy those standby items for freezer he goes to shop and buys frozen pizza and blames the kids. I often find I have to batch cook in the week as I'll have two or three items almost at best before date when we reach Thursday, he will leave fresh food in fridge while using meals from freezer, he also loves a jar of sauce , wouldn't eat a bolognaise himself but feels he's made a really good dinner the night he adds a jar of sauce to a packet of frozen mince, or jar of curry sauce to diced chicken ( no need for veg he says they are in the jar) while knowing I hate this and would rather it was made properly. and he is so delighted to tell his mother at any opportunity he does almost half the cooking some weeks at home, and she believes I have somehow worked this miracle with her son.

I know how you feel about the planning that's the worst bit for me when its his night to cook he must ask me at least three times what I want or can I get this or that on way home, I feel I've made it when I didn't, I don't know if I am much use to OP as I clearly haven't solved this problem myself but I find the only solution is to accept I do plan his meals and tell him what to cook, with a reminder on the day of don't forget the chicken is in the fridge etc. even when doing shopping ill say what ill make during week and ask what he will make. don't know about your DH but mine is more inclined to cook his favourite meals so I factor that into shopping.

What a lazy, childish, mean spirited prick.

I'm so angry for you!

And now dozens of women are going to give you house keeping/meal planning tips so YOU can change YOUR behaviour to accomodate your spouse's selfishness.

Of course he understands the difference.

It's just easier for him if you cook, op.
Another cf husband