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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Treating child on a harness, like a dog???

244 replies

Damnivy · 11/09/2018 21:27

So keep my 2 year old on a child harness if we are out and about. She doesn't like using a pram anymore. And loves to run off, or finds something she likes the look of and just stops moving! I have 4dcs and only had to use them with my youngest.
I have a 3 year old too and makes it hard when the youngest runs off as have to grab the 3 year old before I can go after her, as can't leave either unattended.
So the harness is safe and practical. Dd walks brilliantly whilst on the harness with no complaint.
So today while in town, a lady starts smiling at dd and saying hello! Innocent enough! But then walks over and tells me what a sweet child dd is, but she can't help but feel sorry for her being 'tied up'. And I should stop treating her like a dog!!!! Iv had a few people say in the past that they wouldn't use a harness as they feel like they are walking a dog ect..
So AIBU in using this as a safety precaution while trying to teach my dd road safety and to stop running off, or do I look as though I should be walking a dog? Did you use them/won't use them, or have any ideas of how to stop my child running off?

OP posts:
Sleeplikeasloth · 11/09/2018 22:03

Meh, yes it's dog like, but it's also very sensible, and helps prevent dangerous accidents.

I even use an extendible dog lead for my toddlers backpack, so I can shops just how much reign to give depending on width of pavement etc.

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 11/09/2018 22:03

We used the little life bags. Like a backpack with a parent loop to hold. My dd was like Houdini and lightning fast, we used these until she understood not to run off

Same here, from when DD could toddle (and yet bolt) to when I could trust her to hold my hand/hold onto the Buggy.

HOWEVER, she’s 2.5 and like most 2.5 year olds is having a mad rebellious stage and the bolting is back. Felt sick when she ran & ran and didn’t stop. It’s now a thing again. So I think the backpack may need to come back even though it feels like a retrograde step

[emotionally dumps on thread]

Menolly · 11/09/2018 22:04

When DD was about 2 she decided that she was a puppy and for a few months she insisted on at yipping excitedly whenever I put on her reins and only reacting to dog commands and panting at me with her tongue out. With the exception of the time she growled at a rude lady who pushed her out the way, she was also the best behaved toddler ever when out shopping and i never had to worry about her wandering off. Do whatever works and screw what other people think.

alwaysontimeneverlate · 11/09/2018 22:04

@PaulHollywoodsSexGut ours made a reappearance around the same age for a few weeks just as a reminder x

OftenHangry · 11/09/2018 22:05

Not a mum, but if I were I would use them.
My mum always says she is so envious of mums today, because they have harnesses 😁 She would love to have them when we were young.
Yanbu.

madeoficecream · 11/09/2018 22:05

I dont use reigns (live in a rural area) but I am certainly guilty of treating my toddler like a dog by shouting 'no' 'sit' 'stay' and 'come here' at them.... toddlers are quite like dogs tbf.... they do also run in front of cars like puppies do
YANBU
what does she expect you to do? Calmly reason with your toddler as she runs into the busy road? well she will be dead before you can do that!

MyCatIsBonkers · 11/09/2018 22:05

DS didn't get on with his rucksack one. The strap clipped on at the bottom of the back which meant it was below his centre of gravity. It would tip him onto his face when he suddenly bolted.

DieAntword · 11/09/2018 22:05

Love the reins. Hardly even have to use them, can just say “stop doing that” (dangerous thing) “or I’m getting the reins, ok 1, 2....” while visibly moving my hand to the place I keep the reins. He stops. Genius. Love em.

Kaykay06 · 11/09/2018 22:07

I had reins, a wrist strap and then the little backpacks for my 4 Boys. Younger 2 only a year a part in age so loved the backpack gave him some independence whilst I also had hold of him whilst i could push the buggy, 4 year old was a wanderer so had the wrist strap on for a while. Reins were especially good for ds3 who had issues walking and didn’t walk confidently until he was 2 - hypermobile and struggled on uneven surfaces etc and the reins gave him a little extra confidence. Never been told they are like dogs etc.

My mum used them for my sister and I, we had the little seat on the big pram for when we got tired walking with our reins on, the old fashioned leather ones they looked sweet in pics of us when we were small

HarveySchlumpfenburger · 11/09/2018 22:07

I don’t know if she’s still here, shirley. Her DS always comes to mind when I see a thread about reins.

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 11/09/2018 22:07

Incidentally I remember my reins from when I was a wee kid, they were white patent and had a little lamb motif on the chest panel Bear

LoniceraJaponica · 11/09/2018 22:08

Ignore her and people like Creeper8. Baby reins are brilliant especially if you are tall. OH and I would have had to bend down to hold DD’s hand when she was little. We lived on an unmade up road and they were great for hauling her up when she stumbled. They saved many a grazed knee.

Also, imagine what it must be like to walk for any length of time with your arm up in the air. It isn’t very comfortable so why would you do that to a toddler?

“YANBU at all. DS1 was a bolter. I genuinely think that unless you've seen one in action you have no idea how quick they can move and how little time it can take for them to endanger themselves.

I didn't use it instead of rules like "you must hold hands going down stairs or crossing roads" - it was always as well as that. But tiny hands are slippery little things and in the time it takes to re-grip an escaping hand DS1 could have been in the middle of a road.”

And I agree with this ^^

“Better on reins than under a car.”

Sadly, this happened to the child of a mumsnetter.

Southernstars · 11/09/2018 22:08

I think it’s stupid not to use them, especially when you have a toddler who bolts. A toddler was knocked down in Melbourne this week because he bolted.

People who say it’s like treating a child like a dog are idiots.

spudlet7 · 11/09/2018 22:08

Never understood people having a problem with harnesses. Gives kids more freedom than a buggy but nobody has a problem with those?! Perfectly fine OP.

Petalflowers · 11/09/2018 22:09

They used to be a lot more common in the past. Imdon’t see A problem in them.

MrBeansXmasTurkey · 11/09/2018 22:09

I agree about toddlers and dogs being very similar. Actually I think some studies have equated the intelligence of dogs to around a 2-3 year old child.
The difference being in a year or so the dc will start to understand the dangers of running off after a squirrel.

AnneElliott · 11/09/2018 22:10

Ignore them op. DS had to be on reins as otherwise he would have run under a bus. Better tied up than dead!

EwItsAHooman · 11/09/2018 22:10

PaulHollywoodsSexGut (now there's an image I won't ever get out of my head!), even when my older DC outgrew their reins I kept them in my bag until around the age of 4/5. If they were messing about and not listening to instructions they got one warning and one warning only, hold my hand or out come the reins. Usually the warning was enough to make them listen but there were quite a few occasions where I put the reins on (and then inevitably would have to stand there on the street holding the parent strap of the reins with a pissed off child face down on the pavement in protest but they were a safe child at least). We went to a local festival over the summer and it was so busy I was worried we might lose track of our 4yo so we took our LittleLife backpack and strap, did him no harm whatsoever and meant he didn't get lost in the crowd. It's really not a retrograde step.

viques · 11/09/2018 22:11

Better a child on a harness than a child in a coffin.

RubaDubMum89 · 11/09/2018 22:11

See, I get the rage when I see people walking near a road with a toddler (toddler also walking) not on reins. Especially when it's a toddler that's not within the parents reach. What happens if they run into the road? Without reins, unless you've the arm span of an albatross, how on earth do you quickly pull them back, or stop them of they've slipped from grasp?

My DD has been in her reins since she could first walk and will continue to be in them until I deem her safe to be without them. Bugger what anyone else thinks! YADNBU

Rosie1976mini · 11/09/2018 22:11

I had (have) a runner, and a ruptured lumbar disc. On the way through Dubai airport a lady who had been on our flight asked me why my child was in a leash...I have to admit that not a shit was given about her comment!

thisisannc · 11/09/2018 22:13

I've realised recently that I'm prone to being really quite judgmental of parents (and I am working on this - I don't have children of my own), but can honestly say that the most negative thought I've ever had when seeing a toddler in harness/reins is "must be a curious/confident child who needs to be kept safe".

CMOTDibbler · 11/09/2018 22:13

I used reins for ds for exactly the same reasons my dogs are on leads in busy places - neither have impulse control or danger assessment skills, and though both can be persuaded to walk nicely it only takes a moment of inattention for them to be under a car.

I only ever had positive comments though, and having the reins in my bag (I was a sling user, so proper reins were much more transportable) was a good threat long after he was reliable

Penfold007 · 11/09/2018 22:14

You have 4 DC including a 2 and a 3 year old yet can still type a coherent sentence!!
I'm amazed and reins are just fine

OhLookHeKickedTheBall · 11/09/2018 22:14

This is a battle you can't win. If you put them on reins then you're treating them like a dog. If you don't put them on reins and they bolt then you've failed because you should have put them on reins.

Do what works best for you.

Reins worked well for DD. With DS it was like walking a cat. Either that or he decided he was a horse pulling us a cart.