WIBU to cancel plans with acquaintances who find us embarrassing???

[toastandjamplease]

DS has been invited to a party at his best friend’s house next weekend. Friend’s mother calls me this morning to confirm times etc. During the conversation, the mother effectively tells me that the other parents from the boys’ friendship group are all invited except us. Ouch.

Thing is, around the same time DS was invited to said party, the mother organised a cinema trip for the two boys and her and me. I thought it was a nice idea so said I would go but after this conversation yesterday, I no longer feel like making the effort with her - she has done something like this before so I don’t think I’m misunderstanding the message. Her son is delightful, so am happy for DS to go to the cinema with them or do anything else in coming years but I think I need to perhaps stick to hanging out with my own rather than DS’ friends :)

Am I right that she has been a bit rude here – not so much about the lack of invite as such but being so upfront in telling me about it! If so, would it be acceptable to send DS on his own to the cinema with them, while I make a lame excuse and settle down with a nice boxed set instead?!

She must've said why you weren't invited!

Did she specify why she was singularly excluding you? I think it’s pretry mean and tactless to even tell you fwiw - things like that could be not said as it’s rather awful and embarrassing.

So she told you, you weren't invited because you are embarrassing?

How did the conversation go in which she "effectively told you" that all other parents were invited? Sounds really odd

I wouldn't let ds go to the cinema with her, she will likely tell others she was dumped with your dc....

During the conversation, the mother effectively tells me that the other parents from the boys’ friendship group are all invited except us. Ouch

How did she do that then? Sounds....unlikely.

The word “effectively” is an interesting one.

What exactly did she say?

Ooh sorry, not being mysterious. It just came up in conversation about the party food i.e. "of course it'll all be vegetarian because X,Y and Z are vegetarians" or something along those lines.

From what you’ve posted I can’t see why you think this is because she finds you embarrassing?

What has vegetarian party food got to do with you not being invited because you are embarrassing?

this is killing me, can I text her and ask her why you aren't invited?

Are you absolutely sure you're not invited?

This doesn't make any sense at all.

Maybe she told you parents names as their kids are veggie and it explains that their views are quite strict so she is just sticking to veggie. I think you are reading too much into it

Are you sure you're not invited?

Have you previously expressed a dislike of vegetarian food?

Your thread title is misleading, OP. Nothing has been said to remotely indicate friend finds you embarrassing.

toast I appreciate you don’t want to be outed so might be being vague but from what you’ve said so far I don’t see how she’s saying you aren’t invited

... and I'm just making the assumption it's because we're embarrassing as we are not immediately obnoxious but we don't have such high-powered jobs as the other parents. However, it could of course be that they just don't like us for one of multiple possible reasons, all of which might be perfectly valid. I just think that they didn't need to make their views known quite so clearly and I no longer wish to make an effort with them myself :)

Did she actually say you aren't invited or are you assuming that just because she mentioned vegetarian food for the other parents? Could it not be the case that they emaking vegetarian food and are assuming you'll be there?

But if she didn’t like you, would she want to go to the cinema with you?

Has she said drop DS off and pick him up at ....? Or has she said Party is going to fun and I have to provide all this special food for X's parents?

I think you may be invited. Or these are more longstanding friends that they know already and have limited room for more people clutching at straws. Maybe the cinema day is to get to know you better? Have you known them long?

I think there is too much missing info here, what sort of party is it your DS was going to is it a grown up party where to keep kids occupied they can invite a friend, something I have done and generally don't invite a kid of one of the people at party, or are all the kids going? are you sure your wires are not crossed and your not invited, because the comment about food is weird and could it have been assumed she was letting you know ok for parents to be there. do you like this woman? you seemed to like cinema idea and I'd go maybe you can sus her out on what's going on.

But are the children of the veggie parents veggie too? I may have said food will be veggie because 'parentsnames' are vegetarian, inferring that their children are therefore veggie or mainly veggie too and not meaning that the parents were actually coming to the party ??

Can you have another go and make it more clear? What has veggie food got to do with anything?