To be annoyed at a nurse ‘kissing her teeth’ at me?

[FairyF1]

My father is in dialysis today. He hasn’t been well and there have been problems with patient transport so I left work early to help him. When I arrived at the hospital a nurse , before even introducing herself, started shouting at me in front of all the patients saying that my father had been difficult and was very demanding. This is not like him at all (he’s deaf , blind and hemiplegic) I asked him what was up and he showed me that he had been incontinent and left to sit in it (he said for hours). The nurse started shouting (in front of the ward) about how busy she was and started ‘kissing her teeth at me’. I was lost for words. I know she must be under a lot of pressure but was surprised that she had totally lost it in front of everyone. I do also think that someone in a professional position shouldn’t suck their teeth at you- i did ask her to stop but she wouldn’t. What would you do? I think sucking you teeth at an elderly and ill man is especially rude.

I find it incredulous that anyone in this day and age doesn't know what 'kissing your teeth' means. It is extremely disrespectful.

@Rebecca36 "extremely disrespectful"! FFS - I have never heard the term but I can assure you I am not disrespectful, not in the very least.

OP, hope things are looking better for your DF this evening.

Didn't Rebecca just mean that kissing your teeth is extremely disrespectful? That makes more sense.

Errr mistressdeecee I absolutely do think the poor man suffering from this appalling treatment is disgusting which is why I suggested the op should complain and ask that this nurse is removed from his care.

In addition the nurse should not have shouted at or kissed her teeth at the op. Very unprofessional. The teeth kissing (as I said below) is not a professional way of behaving. The manner in which it was done makes it more or less rude.

I have in my youth had someone kiss their teeth at me before launching into a violent attempt towards me in a nightclub in Camden. I'm not sure how that makes me xenophobic?

I hadn't heard the expression before but I knew exactly what it meant as I have witnessed it by a nurse to another patient when I was in hospital and it des rubes it perfectly.
If you want to complain, don't go via PALS, they are there to catch the problems before they become a formal complaint and will try to talk you out of it, they're useless ime. Look at the hospital website for the formal complaints procedure

Just look at all the idiots pretending they don’t know what this expression means . As someone upthread said, have a quick Google before being so disdainful and showing your ignorance.

The only person being ignorant here is you for suggesting that anyone who claims they haven’t heard this expression is obviously lying. It’s clearly not as common as you think.

It’s ridiculous to suggest it’s racist to complain about a rude gesture. It doesn’t matter whether it’s a gesture common amongst black people, whit people or rainbow striped people - it’s still rude.

I believe tooth kissing/sucking varies in its meaning by culture, in some it is a sign of great disrespect and, in others, it's merely an expression of frustration.

Not the first time he's been left in such a way... I'm assuming he's been left in his own mess previously.

Yet what annoys you most is not the overall treatment of your father and him being left like this on more than one occasion in the 3 years he's been receiving treatment... but the nurse kissing her teeth at you? 😐

Kissing her teeth left you feeling "shook"... wow!

Perhaps she was annoyed... perhaps someone else was to do it and they bailed....

Put your complaint in, but get over the kissing teeth... it's actually not that rude and in context as a child I was punished for kissing my teeth at my mother when she told me to do something... not when I did it out of annoyance.

It’s ridiculous to suggest it’s racist to complain about a rude gesture.

It's certainly racist to assume the meaning behind it is the same for all people of a certain skin colour.

Kissing teeth has been around for years. I find that when I’m on social media speaking with family from North London. That KMT is used a lot during text,Facebook or Instagram exchanges, when someone is pissed off. But it can also be used to demonstrate not being able to obtain a certain item, as in: I really wanted that but it’s gone! KMT, cha.
The nurse was rude to have done so. But I would have focused more on the fact that your DF was left in that state in the first place.

Mmmmmmm this is a southern thing definitely not an expression where I live. However I do know about complaining. I would start with the ward manager but threaten them with the Cqc.

I did mean that kissing your teeth was disrespectful, not that any poster was disrespectful.

However the worst thing is the nurse shouting at a concerned daughter and the poor man being left for ages in urine soaked clothes.

OP I work in quite a senior role for one of the companies that provides dialysis in the UK.

Please complain, we need your feedback to better our services and if this is the company I work for, I will personally deal with this complaint myself

Scottish
Never heard of teeth kissing
Now they it has been explained I have never seen it.
I’m not an idiot

Learned something on this thread. I don't think my mouth is capable of 'teeth kissing' though!

I believe tooth kissing/sucking varies in its meaning by culture, in some it is a sign of great disrespect and, in others, it's merely an expression of frustration.

Not only that, but within the same culture it can have both meanings depending on how you do it.
Where I have lived (West Indies and France) a short one means annoyance, frustration. Slightly longer means very annoyed.
A long one definitely means disdain or disgust, and is very insulting. I would say the meaning is closer to spitting at someone's feet than flipping the birds, but obviously not as strong as actually spitting.

OP - I’m a very senior nurse in the NHS, responsible for about 450 nurses. I would be utterly devetated if something like this was brought to my attention.

I would actually consider a referal to the NMC here as this incident points to a nurse who may not be fit to practice. You can call them directly as a patient or family member and give them some details. They will undertake an investigation of the whole event.

I am truly sorry your father experienced such a short fall in nursing care.

Live the fuck in SE London and hadn’t heard of teeth kissing

Complain about her but make the compliant very factual , keep it concise

Less is more when it comes to this . You want her taken aside and not sacked !

I would want her sacked!!

Had almost the exact same thing happen to my Father in Hammersmith hospital. Incredibly rude nurse, kissed her teeth at me and told me I 'didn't know how to look after my daddy' because I had the temerity to point out I'd found him sitting in his own shit for hours.

The fact is that whilst many white women might not know about teeth kissing, black women do and know its significance when I worked in South London, in an organisation that comprised a high oeoportion of 16-24 year old young black people and a high proportion of black staff everyone knew it was something frequently chosen to be used as a sign of disrespect and not appropriate beyond a close knit group as light hearted.

I accept many white women in London would not come across it for the simple fact that London remains a divided city with a chasm between rich and poor and where the million + enclaves are cheek by jowl with very deprived estates.

I'd want her sacked too!
But keeping your complaint as emotion free as possible makes it harder for them to wriggle out of it.
You wouldn't leave a dog like that let alone a human.

Please please do make a formal complaint in writing

DelilahandDaisy, I had never come across lmgtfy before! I love it. I am going to use that a lot.
Thank you.