To be annoyed at a nurse ‘kissing her teeth’ at me?

[FairyF1]

My father is in dialysis today. He hasn’t been well and there have been problems with patient transport so I left work early to help him. When I arrived at the hospital a nurse , before even introducing herself, started shouting at me in front of all the patients saying that my father had been difficult and was very demanding. This is not like him at all (he’s deaf , blind and hemiplegic) I asked him what was up and he showed me that he had been incontinent and left to sit in it (he said for hours). The nurse started shouting (in front of the ward) about how busy she was and started ‘kissing her teeth at me’. I was lost for words. I know she must be under a lot of pressure but was surprised that she had totally lost it in front of everyone. I do also think that someone in a professional position shouldn’t suck their teeth at you- i did ask her to stop but she wouldn’t. What would you do? I think sucking you teeth at an elderly and ill man is especially rude.

Sucking in your teeth is what the builder does when you call them out to look at your roof. It's typically accompanied by the phrase "it's going to cost you". Translated, it means "oh dear, this is a mess".

I think the shouting, saying your DF was demanding, and leaving him in his own mess are QUITE enough for a complaint.

Considering tooth kissing is isolated to a single demographic,

Is it? I'm Yorkshire born and bred, and it's pretty common here across all ages/races/nationalities/sexes etc. Also prolific in France and the Netherlands, again across multiple demographics!

Never heard of kissing your teeth before! How odd.

Does your dad not need a carer with him for dialysis? It must be a bit scary if he's by himself, surely someone needs to be there to change him and other things - surely dialysis staff don't have time to do that

On second note. Some dialysis units are away from main hospital and don't have facilities to change people etc.

However if she was rude then complain. The situation needs highlighting

I am just surprised how many people don't know what 'teeth kissing' is..

(misses point)

did she do the kiss then say 'cha'?

Teeth kissing - nope, never heard of it before either.

Hampshire for the poster who ‘asked’.

‍🤷🏻‍♀️

OP - sorry your thread has been derailed 💐

Her behavior is absolutely disgraceful. Definitely report her, but TRY to be factual, rather than emotional, it will get you further.

Your poor Dad, I’d have been so upset in your position. The entire ward would have been under no illusion what I thought of her behaviour. Nasty bitch.

This is the second thread this week where some people are astonishingly unable to comprehend that what is in their own brain is not the same as what is in other people's. Wtf is this about accusing people of 'pretending' not to know what something is? It apparently comes as news to some, but expressions and gestures are not always universal. If you can't conceive of somebody not knowing something that is obvious to you, then the idiocy is all yours.

She sounds very ignorant and you should complain. What a vile women, how anyone can think treating a vulnerable man like that is acceptable is beyond me.

I hate teeth sucking it’s so disgusting and rude!!

I had never heard of teeth kissing until i read the term on MN and made the mistake of asking what it meant. I got treated to a fair amount of abuse and being called racist and MNHQ had to intervene. I now know what teeth kissing means, and I will never make that mistake again! I am relieved to know that I'm not the only one who was unaware of it though.

And yes, you should definitely complain about the nurse's treatment of your father.

Thank you for all your responses- very helpful. I’m sorry if the language I used caused any confusion.

I have been reluctant to complain as I was concerned that the treatment he receives would be impacted but I think on this ocassion it’s probably the right thing to do. My father has been receiving dialysis treatment for over three years and also suffers from Colitis so unfortunately it’s not the first time that he’s been left in such a way. I think I was just particularly surprised by how the nurse reacted (I had just arrived and wasn’t aware of what had gone on before and it all happened so quickly- it was all over in about 10 minutes but left my father and I feeling a bit humiliated/shook up). Anyway thank you for responses - much appreciated.

I’d never heard the term before either (Nottingham based) but found it pretty easy to imagine from your OP what it could entail. Never knew it was a West Indian thing though, so was a bit confused and racism thing. But yes OP, I think complain about the ‘being left in soiled clothes’ issue and the disdainful attitude.

OK. So FAR too many videos later, I CANNOT see a difference between ‘kissing your teeth’ and ‘sucking your teeth’. It seems to be used differently by different people, but it appears to be the same action to me ‍🤷🏻‍♀️

I think there are bigger problems than her kissing her teeth at you. Your poor Dad should not have been left to sit in his own urine for hours, or even minutes, for a start, then the shouting. I really think that the teeth kissing is the least of these, although you may see it as the most disrespectful. Try sitting in your own urine for say half an hour, and you might work out which was worst.

However, do complain! It should not impact on his care, if dealt with correctly, may actually improve his care long term.

I worked on a ward as a student nurse where there was a long term patient who complained. She was treated with the utmost respect, as noone wanted to be complained about.

I think the real issues here are:

1. You Dad has not had proper care whilst in dialysis - he is clearly there regularly and they are aware of his needs and dialysis is a long and drawn out process

1. The nurse called him out inappropriately on a ward in front of others and "shamed" him basically for being elderly, having communication difficulties and also health issues

1. The inappropriate response to you as someone providing transport to hospital because of their failures.

I would be submitting a complaint starting with the head nurse on the ward right now.

I would complain and mention the teeth kissing. I grew up in a very multi-cultural part of London and whilst teeth kissing wasn’t part of my own cultural background I saw enough of it to know it is incredibly disrespectful and much worse than a ‘tut’ or a sigh.

Never heard of teeth kissing, nor did I realise it was cultural. Perhaps the PP who seemed to think people were being disingenuous should consider that not everyone lives in an ethnically diverse area? Here in Scotland we tut or roll eyes. I've actually never even experienced anyone making that noise as an expression of distain

I’m appauled by the nurse behaviour.

• she was rude to you
• your father didn’t receive the care he needed re soiling
• she was rude to your father and shamed him by screaming he was ‘being difficult’ in front of everyone.

I wouod complain.

If the soiling is something that is potential a regular issue, i think you also need to have a word with the person in charge of the dialysis unit to see what needs to be put in place for your dad.
Eg if he has a carer at home coming several times a day to help get changed et... what will be the organisation when is at hospital all day for his dialysis?
Maybe also link with the service responsible for his care at home too.

Complain.

Melbourne, Australia and never heard the expression before today and got my GoogleFu on.

You should complain. I have great respect for nurses, but an unprofessional cunt is an unprofessional cunt. She needs to be disciplined.

soup well, no, I don’t do it, nor does anyone I personally know but it’s still all around me, you can’t help but notice it!

I would complain to the hospital TODAY about your father's care.

Op I took a photo of the complaints procedure that was on the wall in my mum's ward and a nurse saw me. Her treatment was better not worse afterwards- and I never actually complained, so don't worry.