To be annoyed at a nurse ‘kissing her teeth’ at me?

[FairyF1]

My father is in dialysis today. He hasn’t been well and there have been problems with patient transport so I left work early to help him. When I arrived at the hospital a nurse , before even introducing herself, started shouting at me in front of all the patients saying that my father had been difficult and was very demanding. This is not like him at all (he’s deaf , blind and hemiplegic) I asked him what was up and he showed me that he had been incontinent and left to sit in it (he said for hours). The nurse started shouting (in front of the ward) about how busy she was and started ‘kissing her teeth at me’. I was lost for words. I know she must be under a lot of pressure but was surprised that she had totally lost it in front of everyone. I do also think that someone in a professional position shouldn’t suck their teeth at you- i did ask her to stop but she wouldn’t. What would you do? I think sucking you teeth at an elderly and ill man is especially rude.

I would complain immediately about the standards of care.
I would also raise the nurse's behaviour towards you, but not prioritise that.
Your poor dad. I hope he's OK.

Ps, I think it's the kissing part of the phrase teeth kissing that's confusing. Kissing sounds nice... Teeth sucking sounds more realistic.

Considering tooth kissing is isolated to a single demographic

Bingo

I think that was supposed to be mentioned closer to start of thread tho, and since it wasn't then the thread didn't go in a particular way

OP - I know what you were getting at. But posters mostly concentrated on the pressing issue of your dad's lack of care at hospital - whilst you're more concerned with a black woman kissing her teeth at you. That's what you want discussed.

For general info kissing teeth is akin to tutting. I'd complain about the rudeness of nurse certainly alongside your dad being blatantly neglected but the 'certain demographic' thing is a diversionary tactic.

If someone is rude they are rude - it's not because of their race and colour so why get hung up on "kissing teeth" anyway, if she'd kept tutting it wouldn't be any nicer would it, and its expressing the same thing

As you know.

I remember that thread too treacle and had never heard of it either.
And yes, I do recall a poster calling others racist for never hearing the term before.

Delilah 😂

Teeth kissing isn't an accidental suck on the teeth, like the person upthread who suggested it's a side effect of dentures (!!) or the person who thinks it can be a pensive gesture. That's a bit like saying "maybe he wasn't giving you the finger, after all that finger is on your hand the whole time, it could have just accidentally popped up for a second." In reality it is a pronounced gesture of aggressive disbelief, and in an acrimonious context, it's just as aggressive as giving someone the finger. Fair enough if you've never seen it in real life before, but take it from those of us who have, that suggesting it should be disregarded from OP's complaint is exactly like suggesting she disregard a nurse doing something so gobsmacking as giving her the finger. Without that detail it could be a heated exchange and be treated as a a "he-said-she-said" complaint, but with it, it's a clear and egregious example of unprofessionalism.

Think about it for a second - are there any circumstances in which you think it'd be acceptable for a medical professional to give a patient / family member thereof the finger?!

(Since this is MN I'll clarify that of course, teeth kissing can be lighthearted and nuanced in its meaning depending on context, just like giving the finger can, but that context is usually very apparent.)

I absolutely hate nurses like this. I can not understand why you would even want to be a nurse if you acted this way. I always, every single time, called out or reported nurses I have worked with that behaved an any way like this towards patients and relatives. Couldn't care if it made me unpopular on the ward. I won't compromise my standards for anyone. And any nurses that stand by and watch that behaviour are just as complicit in my eyes. I'm a nurse myself and would be on then phone already putting in a complaint and would not let it drop. Also do not leave out anything. Posters saying leave out the teeth kissing as it will derail your complaint. Rubbish. All of her behaviour was appalling so all of her behaviour should be reported. It doesn't take much for a nurse to maintain someone's dignity but doing means so much for the person. No one deserves to sit in their own faeces. Hope you dad is ok now he's home. What a horrible experience.

@DelilahandDaisy - since I can't do Google how do you do that video?

My mother was in hospital for 3 weeks and each day she was told she would have an operation the next day which would mean she could go home. Each day she was told no it wasnt happening but maybe tomorrow.
My Dad rang me in despair. I sent my husband to the hospital (I was on a business trip). My husband spent 3 hours getting to the bottom of the situation...
Radiography were in charge of scheduling the operation and it turned out they had no idea my mother was in the hospital... hence the 3 weeks..
Also he found my mother had a nil by mouth sign on her bed. He asked what it was for. The nurse said in case she has her operation. And he said but that's never going to happen because you havent told radiography she is here. And the nurse said well it doesnt matter because we ignore them (the signs) anyway!!!!!!!!! He was stunned. One of the key causes my mother was in hospital was due to dehydration and they were meant to be getting her to drink more!! FFS!! hopeless.
So he told the nurse I'm coming back in 30 mins and if its still there I will rip it up myself.
30 mins it was still there so he tore up the sign and binned it.
My parents are in their 70s/80s and so dont like to ask questions. They really need an advocate.
The next day my mother was discharged (still without the operation!) but atleast she could go home.
Our local hospital is dire.

"But posters mostly concentrated on the pressing issue of your dad's lack of care at hospital - whilst you're more concerned with a black woman kissing her teeth at you. That's what you want discussed."

The thing is, they're two separate points in the complaint, just they would be if the thread said "the nurse ignored the patient when they were in distress, and then when confronted about it, they shouted at me and gave me the finger." The professional care aspect and the conduct aspect are both serous and worthy of complaint.

Long time lurker but had to reply to this, never heard of the term teeth kissing in my life and never witnessed anyone doing it. From Scotland for the poster who kindly asked 'where the fuck are you all from'

when I lived in south London, if the bus was in a traffic jam, all the white people would start tutting, and the black people would kiss their teeth.

So it's similar in meaning to a tut. She was very rude. You should definitely complain.

Never heard of teeth kissing.

Pp re builder doing it - aren't they a bit more chin rubbing with a sharp intake of breath? 😂 Also mechanics.

@FourFriedChickensDryWhiteToast Tue 11-Sep-18 09:31:18
did she do the kiss then say 'cha'?

@SoupDragon Tue 11-Sep-18 07:37:41
Where the fuck do ppl live that they don't know what teeth kissing is?

South London. Why, where the fuck to you live?

I live on the coast now but I'm from North London. I don't believe you live in South London and don't know what this is.

QuimReaper you are right - they are. But the post and thread are almost entirely focused on "teeth kissing". and various definitions of it. When it's akin to tutting -that's all. & if the nurse had kept tutting loudly if would be equally as bad. A rude person is a rude person, however they express it

I learned something new today tho, that some people think kissing teeth is solely a West Indian thing. !

I think this is a racist thread. There were a couple last night. One about the 7 year old girl excluded from schoolbecause she referred to another child as a "black boy". There was another one too but I can't remember what it was about but other misters made the link.

i don't believe you live in South London and don't know what this is.

I don’t give a shit that you think I’m a liar. You’re wrong.

Put it like this - when I was at work, my (black) colleague would tolerate quite a bit of cheek from students - but anyone who sucked their teeth at her was taking their life in their hands..! She saw it as the most disrespectful thing possible, and would dress them down with no hesitation for doing this.

The nurse was being VV disrespectful - OP, please complain, for the sake of her future patients.

I learnt how to kiss my teeth when living in South London. Save it for when I’m very annoyed 😠

CarolDanvers there are a few other Was this black person racist threads this week, especially yesterday. I guess it's about inciting posters to call black people racist..but anyway saw mention today that it's suspected it's the same person or at least, same 2 people'

The stories get more "out there" each time, and on various boards too. No doubt there'll be a bombshell on Friday😁

when I lived in south London, if the bus was in a traffic jam, all the white people would start tutting, and the black people would kiss their teeth

^Normal. & I still live in South London. & kiss my teeth when vexed. Yes, it is akin to tutting. People who are trying to make it out to be far more than it is are just trying it on.

no, it is just a 'tut'....

I thought SoupDragon lived in Australia? Or was that another poster with 'Soup' in their name?

TBH its hardly surprising the NHS has such shortages of nursing staff if everyone goes off to PALS and the CEO the moment someone makes a face at you.
Everyone has a bad day.

We all want a fantastic NHS but consistently vote in governments that promise tax cuts.

Perhaps speak to the ward sister about your dad sitting in his own urine?
When that happened to my Mum, they apologised but the nurse did explain they ve not enough staff to check more than every 2 hours, unless the patient tells them.

Having been on a stroke ward for almost everyday for 6 weeks, its a fcuking miracle they dont all just down tools and walk out, i wouldn't be a nurse in todays NHS even if they trebbled the pay, its a thankless task.