To expect husband to pay half our expenses?

[namechangedforthis125]

DH is a great dad, does all the cooking, works full time. After an injury had to look for a desk job which pays something but as no qualifications, not enough (15k) - before injury about 25k.

Me - this year SAHM, previously marketing roles (30k+ per year). I have 3 properties rented out. They pay for themselves with a little left over, we rent ourselves. We have a prenup and properties are going straight to our DS via trust.

Nearest FT childcare is £1850 pm which basically stops me from working. He pays bills and that's it, I pay 2 days of childcare + rent (1450£) + car insurance (1k a year) + holidays. Out of MY personal savings.
He doesn't see the problem. AIBU to expect him to cover the cost of half the expenses?

My savings are quickly going down and I'm worried about what will happen where they are gone. He was paying only 2 bills I kicked off big time and he took 9 extra on (think small stuff like TV licence).

To clarify neither of us go out or have luxuries aside from holidays. We have agreed to relocate to a different city to lower the rent cost once our contract is over, but that still doesn't solve the issue of him
Not understanding that we should be going halfs.

Does it get easier once kids each 3 years old and have funded hours at nursery? AIBU to be annoyed? I would have loved to have another kid but can't see how it would work financially if the mentality doesn't change.

@SleepingStandingUp I don't claim anything. Not entitled to anything as have properties and savings. But that's fine I have never claimed a penny nor intend to, there's people that need it way more than me or any one of us do. Technically I'm self employed as I pay tax on property income so theoretically I have an income, though practically it doesn't leave for much.

When we first met I was earning less than him and we split things in half. We then moved into one of my properties (before I took a mortgage on it) and lived rent free for a few years - so he has benefitted from it - I am selling two of them come January to fund the house we are buying in the other city when we move next year - we will have a mortgage but at least won't b paying rent anymore, so will be overall much less.

Childcare for you to sleep or do housework is all very well, if you can afford it. From the sounds of it, you can't, so stop it, and save.

It sounds like he has very little left over once he pays for everyone. Either he needs to look for a better paid job, or he needs to stay at home, and you find a better paid job.

Like he could go a year without calling anyone, and still wouldn't. My worry is that his socialness has gone backwards since leaving previous job, and if he was to stay at home he wouldn't ever see anyone at all, and that would reflect on us at some point.

This is just an odd and irrelevant reason for you not going to work really. I am highly anti-social and that's just fine. Not my husband's problem.

Your DH Isn't earning enough to support you all....he should go part time and you should too.That would be a better solution.

@Coolaschmoola doesn't mean to come across as mine, mine, mine. I've passed everything on to my DS if that of any help. I don't need anything to be mine but I do not want to burn my DS potential inheritance on having to cover living costs for his dad.
I come from a family that works very much like what you do is for your kids, so anything I ever do business or investment is for my DS and any future siblings if that ever happened, but not solely for me as such.

@hibbledibble makes sense. Thanks

@AjasLipstick point taken, thanks

@NewUserNameTime one vehicle. No claim
On it, always been around the same. I'll check elsewhere maybe it is cheaper - though may just be the area that ups the price, but thanks. Will check it out

Started applying for jobs yesterday. Will continue with it as that seems the general 'best solution forward' from your posts.

Hi OP. I think I'd be looking at it as household income and expenses even if in separate accounts. I see why you have set up childcare this way but think the finances aren't fair. One person shouldn't have lots of 'spare cash' whilst the other uses savings.

I'm a little confused how 3 small flats need a day a week of work?? I own a rented property, and apart from when tenants leave, it's really about one evening per quarter! And the odd email and calling the plumber etc...

@Haireverywhere thank you.
Initially I insisted on childcare even though I could have worked around him, for the social aspect of things. Few months later I scheduled my week around it, but it is something I could cut off if need be and revert back to doing any work around him.

Your spreadsheet doesn't seem right to me, and you shouldn't be excluding CM for DSS.

The "monthly spend" list you have in your pp his expenditure is £1010 - which is almost all of the £1132 you'd take home on a salary of £15k. So he probably doesn't have much more to give.

Let's just unpick this a little

You don't work. Your DH does work in what sounds as though it is a minimum wage job after injury.

The BTL stuff is so much flannel really. You could switch to an owner occupier mortgage at reduced interest rates. You have chosen not to do so because you don't want to live in the properties that you own. There's an ethical issue right there because as a property investor I refuse to invest in properties I wouldn't be prepared to live in.

Anyway, flannel aside. You seem to be spending an unspecified amount of money on childcare even though you don't work. You want your DH (who has an injury) to work a second job rather than go out to work yourself

Umm, I'd like to read the other side of this before I comment further. Go and work yourself. it's not rocket science. Just get a job. Earn some money. Forcing your DH to get a second job when you're not working is pretty close to domestic abuse if you ask me

I assume you are from a cultural background where women do not work. it's not like that in the UK. In the vast majority of families women work. It's the downside of sexual equality.

@RedBallpointPens some are annual, so his alone is £641 per month (if you divide the annual ones into 12 - monthly expense).

Though generally yes if he pays this + DSS maintenance + travel he's not left with much. I'm pushing him to look for another job, he doesn't see the urgency in looking for one. This is the main problem.

And to answer your original AIBU - absolutely yes. As a couple you simply cannot afford to have your current outgoings split equally while his is on £15k. So either you cut your outgoings or burn through your savings.

Would you not be better off to sell all three flats and buy a house outright so you don't have to worry about rent?

Good luck on the job hunting!

And I echo the point a previous poster has made. We have 3 BTL properties. They take around an hour a week to run Together.

I'm actually a bit indignant here on the behalf of the OP's Dh. She says he's a great DH and despite working (something the OP does not do) he does his fair share. I mean what does the OP want? Blood?

OK so when you first got together you split evenly. Irrespective of if you paid rent or not, bills were halved.

At what point did he say nah, I'm only paying a coupe of bills?

@Thesearepearls you have got this wrong. I am not expecting DH to get a second job. I am also happy to live in any of the BTLs. Like you said I wouldn't have invested if I didn't want to live in them - I would. No problem at all w it. Two are one beds so we wouldn't fit. One is a two bed, which would leave DSS without a room. Whilst physically we could fit absolutely fine, and save a fortune, DSS would have issues not having his room - or having to share with DS for that matter - big age gap and DSS has aspergers and has still not accepted that he has a sibling (or half sibling).

I am not shying away from work - I am happy to go back to work!! It's the principle of is it not normal to go half's on rent and bills that bothers me - not childcare - that was my decision, my cost, fine. For me it's the day to day (bills, car and rent) that bother me not being split. Not the rest

Sorry, cross posted.

You need to do a proper statement of affairs to figure out what you can actually afford. Keeping hold of three rental properties while paying nearly £1500 on rent seems insane to me. But if your rental income covers the rent that makes it more complicated.

If you are happy to work and he is happy to SAHP - and you can afford that - it seems a better solution that pushing him to find a better paying job.

Where do you expect your DH to get the extra money to fund half your lifestyle from exactly?

This thread is exasperating. it reads as though the OP wishes her husband were richer and could support her in the lifestyle that she wants. He isn't rich. You knew that when you got together with him.

Give the man a break and get a job.

@RedBallpointPens thanks.
I am Putting two up for sale to buy one for us to live in, keeping one.

@Thesearepearls I prob gave too much info but it's really about rent & bills and whether it's ok to split them. Not anything else. It was just to give a full picture. If we didn't have to have a spare room for DSS we'd save about £400 a month for starters, but I don't mind as he needs his space and it's fine. What I mind is that we don't share that half way

I've only been a SAHP for 6 months and it was only to last until we move in 4 months time (couple of hours further out, cheaper everything). Wasn't planning on being SAH for long.

It's the principle of is it not normal to go half's on rent and bills that bothers me - not childcare - that was my decision, my cost, fine. For me it's the day to day (bills, car and rent) that bother me not being split.

I'd say it's far more normal for partners of differing incomes to mutually agree on what constitutes necessary expenses and desired extras and contribute according to need. I cannot imagine ever being happy in a situation where I had more money left over after outgoings than my husband and simply thinking 'boo sucks' and enjoying the extra to myself. What is the point in the partnership if you have to live to different budgets?

@DixieFlatline all holidays where we both enjoy ourselves are covered for. That's not a problem. I pay for DSS holidays and visits too that's not a problem. any leftover is used for the both of us, not just for my benefit.