To expect husband to pay half our expenses?

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DH is a great dad, does all the cooking, works full time. After an injury had to look for a desk job which pays something but as no qualifications, not enough (15k) - before injury about 25k.

Me - this year SAHM, previously marketing roles (30k+ per year). I have 3 properties rented out. They pay for themselves with a little left over, we rent ourselves. We have a prenup and properties are going straight to our DS via trust.

Nearest FT childcare is £1850 pm which basically stops me from working. He pays bills and that's it, I pay 2 days of childcare + rent (1450£) + car insurance (1k a year) + holidays. Out of MY personal savings.
He doesn't see the problem. AIBU to expect him to cover the cost of half the expenses?

My savings are quickly going down and I'm worried about what will happen where they are gone. He was paying only 2 bills I kicked off big time and he took 9 extra on (think small stuff like TV licence).

To clarify neither of us go out or have luxuries aside from holidays. We have agreed to relocate to a different city to lower the rent cost once our contract is over, but that still doesn't solve the issue of him
Not understanding that we should be going halfs.

Does it get easier once kids each 3 years old and have funded hours at nursery? AIBU to be annoyed? I would have loved to have another kid but can't see how it would work financially if the mentality doesn't change.

"A prenup isn't legally binding in the UK, so if you are here that won't protect you. "

Haven't there been some examples of them being accepted recently though. I think this is changing, unfortunately.
I think the DH needs to take this into account. Should he be paying 50% of his meagre income or should he give up his job if his DW has made sure he'll get nothing in a divorce??

I do t understand why you are t claiming tax credits.

On £15k you’d get quite a bit, and towards childcare!

I just don't understand how full time childcare is £1850.

I live in an expensive area and the most expensive childcare I could manage to find was £1500 a month. Ours is 'only' £1100 and is in London.

@Sarahandduck18 because she had the rental income of three properties, and savings. She’s not entitled to anything.

Op this thread reads like you want to live the lifestyle of a rich family but unfortunately you're poor. Your dh earns £15k a year and you appear to earn nothing. You need to lower your expectations and reign in your lifestyle

I'm at sahm and a btl landlord, I certainly do not require childcare in order to run my properties, I don't even need to make 1 phone call a week so fail to see how you can need a day a week to manage 3 tiny properties!

Also, I'm sorry but if they're not making money then they need to go. My properties being in an income for me which is what allows me to stay at home with ds. I they didn't I would sell them

To answer your question, I don't think it is normal to split everything 50/50. As a sahm I contribute significantly less than dh to our household income but that doesn't matter because everything goes into one pot. Maybe you need to stop being so rigid about "your" money and "his" money and start viewing it as "our" money

@Sarahandduck18 on paper I have a good income (from the rentals) even when I don't effectively work. practically though it is eaten up by tax, and the remaining helps pay our own rent.

How do people get themselves into these situations? On first reading it does seem unfair, but then the more you look into it I can see the DH's POV. OP it's really quite simple, and you need to do at least one or two of the following-

1. Sell one or two of the BTLs and buy a suitable three bed to live in with a comfortably serviceable mortgage. That way you "only" have two properties to maintain instead of four (inc your present rental property) and your DH can pull his weight in the one you live in. This will free up time and allow you to cut the childcare or return to work PT on the days you're using the childminder.

1. Cut the childminder altogether. If you do keep the BTLs you can do house maintenance at evenings/weekends when your DH can look after DS. That would probably suit a lot of tenants better anyway and you don't "need" a day to yourself.

1. Get a job. Consider DH becoming the SAHP.

I do not understand the obsession with the BTLs at this stage in your life. They are a luxury you cannot afford. You can either have the psychological cushion of "oh I have three BTLs to pass to my DS" (which, quite frankly, has fuck all use in day to day life as a parent to a young child) OR you can use the funds to create a stable, functioning home where both parents equally contribute. They are not an investment when you're pouring £1,500 pcm down the drain in rent.

For £1850 id be expecting a full time nanny to come and do all my washing, all my cooking, all my chores, look after DS, chauffeur me around everywhere like Miss Daisy, be my hairdresser and make up artist, hand press my juice, welcome me home with a G&T at night, massage my feet after dinner, then tuck me into a bed with a duvet she's hand woven from the finest Arabian silk her money could buy
A nanny is around £2.7K a month all costs included, and she will normally not expect to have non-child related duties. Just to manage people's expectations a bit. :)
£1850 sounds a bit on the high side - but I've seen such fees if a parent requires early drop-off / late finish (say 7.30 to 7). My nursery was charging £1600 for extended hours for under-there.

You cannot afford 2 days a week off so get rid of the childminder. I don't understand how running your BTLs requires so much time. I only have one but I don't hear from the tenant for months at a time. Most SAHMs do housework while looking after their children and catch up on sleep at night.
I prefer the approach that all income goes into one pot and any spare after bills is split equally.

Marriage/LT relationship is a partnership - you're not viewing the household income/expenditure jointly. I'm really bemused when people talk about paying percentages/ratios/fairness when really, they just need to view it as the same pot.

You can recover from a bad credit record. What you can't do is to change a person if they don't have the same level of ambition or aspirations in life. You need to discuss your life goals together and work out what you can do together to attain them or not....

You had a good job, where is your maternity pay?

A day off to clean and a day off to sort out properties? It'd be cheaper to hire a cleaner wouldn't it? I have a cleaner for 2.5 hours for £25. You must earn more than that in a shift right? And then just sort the small properties out on the weekend and after work. My dad owns properties and works a 50 hour week full time and has never had a problem.

One pot for everything

Do you actually love your dp? Is your relationship stable? Because it doesn’t sound like a loving team trying to pull together and create a family.

Your financial set up is a mess. But my advice would depend on how likely your relationship is to succeed in the long term.

*- when DH did have a higher income I still paid for 90-95% of expenses

• when we lived rent free and had just bills to pay for, it was taken for granted that I would cover them. when I asked for something towards it I'd be met with huff and puff

The amount DH now pays towards expenses has taken years for me to get him to agree to.*

But you still went and had a child with him and, in typical MN fashion, will probably go and bring another one into this car crash so you get your two children. What's his is his, and what's yours is his, too! Can't believe you are paying an extra £400 so his son can have his own room when he stays over. and he pays no rent at all! This man has you right where he wants you. He's not good just because he does the cooking. Big deal. Having to feed oneself is an essential function.

He has you right he wants you! LOL @ he 'doesn't understand' going halves when you paid that and more when you were both working.

The holidays would stop, so would all the food top ups.

I'd go back to work FT. I'd not sell my properties or get a mortgage with him, in fact, when the tenancy agreement is up I'd tell him he's paying half the rent on the next place or you will get your own place for you and DH to live as you are sick of funding him.

And don't have another child with this selfish man. At least with a sperm donor you don't have to deal with a crappy man forever in your life.

Get some self-esteem, too. You were a successful, single and childfree person yet saw fit to date and hten marry a loser with bad credit and a kid who then convinced you to lodge him rent free and pay 90% of the bills. He saw you coming!

Ditch the idea of his being a SAHP because I'd be willing to bet he'll just do the cooking and that's it.

I agree with one pot for everything too. Me and DP still have separate finances however we earn exactly the same amount of money to the penny! So everything is split down the middle as our finances are the same. Once I go on maternity leave and drop down hours we are switching to one pot as it is much fairer.

Very odd set up indeed. You sound like his mother.

You are married and have a family. Your finances need to reflect this. All income needs to go into a joint pot, to budget for family stuff, rent, food, bills and childcare if you agree as a family that you need it. Then you both need to have the same amount of pocket money a month. This is the only way it is fair.

As a SAHM with a child in childcare two days a week I am certainly not judging that decision if it is best for your family. But as as a family you need to ‘cut your cloth to match your means’ and work out what you can afford. Your DH has had a major life changing disability and he needs your support.

I'm really bemused when people talk about paying percentages/ratios/fairness when really, they just need to view it as the same pot.

That doesn't always work for blended families or families where one person had bad credit or where they both want to keep separate finances.

Once I go on maternity leave and drop down hours we are switching to one pot as it is much fairer.

Yet another person making a very poor financial decision. It is always a bad idea to drop your hours or go PT when you are an unmarried partner except if you are independently wealthy.

He is in a horrible place and disempowered. You should have a separate pot for bills that you both pay into. You need to give up the childcare. I manage 9 properties and work full time. If you keep childcare you should work part time

He is in a horrible place and disempowered

Eh? He doesn't even pay rent! My heart bleeds.

@LeftRightCentre it's for two years until we get 30 free hours. Me dropping a full day saves far more in childcare than I pay in to my crappy pension. Very judgemental post considering you know very little about my financial situation!

You can still have separate accounts AND consider household income jointly - it's up to you.

Having a bad credit record in the past doesn't preclude you from repairing it for the future.

How will you obtain a mortgage if you don't have a job and his credit record isn't great plus his income is low and your rental income is low?

Call me old fashioned but our assets and debts are joint. We earn different amounts and the lot goes into a joint account. We have joint savings.

Why the BTL's? Why not use any money tied up in them to buy a house together, stop being so him and me and try having a real partnership?