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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mother and baby parking

461 replies

crispysausagerolls · 10/09/2018 14:33

Went to the supermarket today with my baby and really could’ve used the mother and baby space to get my car seat in and out etc (especially hard as I have a 2 door car). Just as I arrived a woman without a baby pulled into the mother and baby spot, without a baby. My mother asked her what she was doing and she said she was waiting for a child. 2 mins later a middle aged woman came out of the supermarket and got into the car and she started to drive off. So she had lied. I said thanks to her in a sarcastic way as i was struggling to get my baby out in a tight space (very passive aggressive of me I know but DS hates the car and had been screaming and I was so irritated by not having the space) and she started spouting off about being heavily pregnant and blah blah blah. Which was all completely irrevelant (if even true) because she didn’t get out of the bloody car anyway!

AIBU to think the mother and baby space isn’t somewhere to just wait for a mate to come and join you in the car? People genuinely need the extra space provided by them!

OP posts:
Sirzy · 11/09/2018 18:14

So if someone is displaying a badge why do you feel the need to be able to question them anyway?

Oh and on the eligibility thing my dad had a stroke, could hardly walk yet was still told he wasn’t eligible for a badge Hmm he has one now but that is only because of other related conditions which have developed since.

Ds is one of the few children with autism that I know who have a blue badge and that is only because of his other conditions which make walking hard for him.

Timeisslippingaway · 11/09/2018 18:17

So for the people who don't meet the criteria for a bb it's technically been determined they don't need extra space to get in and out a car. So I'm sure no one would quibble if you were in a P&C space with your autistic child because for a start they are a child so wouldn't be bothered if you were using a P&C.
However for adults with autism that aren't entitled to a blue badge and it has been determined they don't need extra space to get in and out of a car and they don't require help to do so, what makes them more entitled to a P&C space than a mother taking her baby out the car in a car seat and setting up a pram?
I'm genuinely curious.

Gersemi · 11/09/2018 18:21

If you pulled into a parent and child space, with 2 empty disabled spaces next to it and an empty normal space opposite (albeit between two cars) and had a car behind you with a screaming baby in it and you had no baby or child in your car, you don’t think someone objectively would be interested in why you are parking there? Really?

They can be as interested as they like, that doesn't mean they are entitled to demand answers from me.

TheWinterofOurDiscountTentsMk2 · 11/09/2018 18:29

*If you pulled into a parent and child space, with 2 empty disabled spaces next to it and an empty normal space opposite (albeit between two cars) and had a car behind you with a screaming baby in it and you had no baby or child in your car, you don’t think someone objectively would be interested in why you are parking there? Really?8

They can be as interested as they like, they have no right to demand I answer to them though.

However for adults with autism that aren't entitled to a blue badge and it has been determined they don't need extra space to get in and out of a car and they don't require help to do so, what makes them more entitled to a P&C space than a mother taking her baby out the car in a car seat and setting up a pram? I'm genuinely curious

Neither is more entitled than the other. Whoever gets there first can have the space (which is how parking works).

Spikeyball · 11/09/2018 18:33

Bb criteria is not based upon needing space to get in and out of a car.

It's a lot harder trying to get an teenager or adult with challenging behaviour in and out of a car than it is a baby. I'm suprised you don't know that.

Sirzy · 11/09/2018 18:34

So when they hit 18, or whatever age you deem it too old to use a p and c space, the autism disappears?

Timeisslippingaway · 11/09/2018 18:37

@TheWinterofOurDiscountTentsMk2

Hmm cant say I completley agree but ok, so this whole discussion on people with disabilities parking in P&C spaces is pointless then. This was not about a person with a disability taking a P&C space it was a woman who should have known better considering she did not get out of the car and presumably quite soon she will be looking for a P&C space herself for the simple fact she will have a child.

Timeisslippingaway · 11/09/2018 18:38

@Sirzy

No I would say quite a bit younger than 18 considering we can have children get married etc at 16.

Sirzy · 11/09/2018 18:40

So what age does the autism disappear then? Just curious ig you say it’s fine for a child with autism but not for an adult with autism

Original poster
crispysausagerolls · 11/09/2018 18:40

Timeisslippingaway

I really appreciate you actually understanding the purpose of the thread!

OP posts:
Sirzy · 11/09/2018 18:41

But a) someone did get into the car and b) when they decided they had the right to question they had no idea what was the case did they? Still don’t really!

Timeisslippingaway · 11/09/2018 18:42

@Spikeyball

Why would I personally know that? And do you think so? Why?

I think perhaps it's so difficult to meet the criteria for bb for people that genuinely need them because so many people try their luck at getting one that really dont need them.

TheFairyCaravan · 11/09/2018 18:42

The criteria for getting a BB changed when they brought in PIP. It used to be that you automatically got one if you got High rate mobility on DLA but that was got rid of. With PIP you had to get so many points in a specific area of the mobility section otherwise you got no BB and this is what’s changing.

If anyone asked me to see my B.B. they’d get told to fuck off unless it a was their job to inspect it. The same goes for anyone who asks why I’m parked in any space that ive decided is best for me

Marie0 · 11/09/2018 18:47

SIRZY

Hi it's really hard to get a badge for autism isn't it? I got one for my DS (he's 11) only because at the time he had no sense of danger and would run back to the car whenever we were out.

Although this issue seem to have disappeared (he was 7 when we qualified for the badge), it's really hard to know what a child with autism would do next?

I liked your comment about what age autism disappears lol mine develops new habits and routines on almost a weekly basis, luckily none at the moment are based around the car, but so glad I got the badge, takes so much stress off going out (supermarket or not)

Spikeyball · 11/09/2018 18:50

Timeisslippingaway take it from me it is more difficult.

Sirzy · 11/09/2018 18:52

Exactly marie and of course there is the added joy of never knowing when you are going to need to wrestle them into the car mid meltdown!

Timeisslippingaway · 11/09/2018 18:53

@Sirzy

Wrong! I said it was fine for a child with or without autism to be in a P&C space. I suppose everyone's opinion on when a child and theor parent doesn't need a P&C space differs.

Timeisslippingaway · 11/09/2018 18:56

@Sirzy

The person getting into the car wasn't disabled either.

PersianCatLady · 11/09/2018 18:56

For all the OP knew, one of the other women could have had bowel cancer or some other issue that needed them to get to the toilet very quickly.

Why the fuck should any body have to tell that to a stranger who has appointed themself as guardian of the P & C car parking spaces?

TabbyMumz · 11/09/2018 18:58

I've never understood why the trend of taking the whole car seat out of the car with baby in it started. They are so cumbersome and hard to carry like that. We used to simply take baby out of car seat, took a blanket and carried it to the trolleys that were designed for small babies to lie down. Then there was no problem with having to open car doors right up and no need for a parent and child space.

PersianCatLady · 11/09/2018 18:58

With PIP you need to get more than 8 points on the "moving around" descriptor.

EwItsAHooman · 11/09/2018 19:01

However for adults with autism that aren't entitled to a blue badge and it has been determined they don't need extra space to get in and out of a car and they don't require help to do so, what makes them more entitled to a P&C space than a mother taking her baby out the car in a car seat and setting up a pram?

Whoever gets there first gets the space, there are no dibs or greater/lesser entitlement.

However reasons someone with autism may need a wider bay that is closer to the store, based on my DC and other people with autism that I know are:

  • tendency to bolt, especially when in a state of agitation. DS will run down between parked cars and hide, if they're parked close together then I've little hope of retrieving him safely
  • no awareness of danger, poor risk assessment skills, and resistant to mild restraint such as holding hands so the closer to the shop the better as he can be gotten onto a pavement and in the door quickly
  • sensory issues relating to noise, movement, light levels, people, space (or lack of), etc so again the faster he can be gotten inside the better
  • we may need to leave in a hurry if he becomes overwhelmed or has a meltdown. He may become violent as his flight or fight response is triggered. The car needs to be as close to as possible and the door needs to be open as wide as possible to bundle him in and to allow me to clamber in and do his seatbelt up
  • he has no proprioceptive skills and cannot judge strength or speed of movement. The car door is getting flung all the way open at full speed, he might be sorry if it slams into the car next to us or he might think that's their fault for parking too close and he'll think absolutely nothing of telling them so too, depends on what sort of day he's having. A wide bay prevents that.

There are lots of other reasons too but this covers the main ones and I have a baby to put to bed. Feel free to spout some more disabilist counter-arguments.

PersianCatLady · 11/09/2018 19:02

It is actually easier to get a BB on PIP than DLA as not only does everybody on higher rate get one but also anybody who gets more than 8 points on the "moving around" descriptor.

On DLA, only those people on higher rate get one.

Don't forget that even without getting DLA or PIP, you can apply to your local council FOR A BB.

EwItsAHooman · 11/09/2018 19:03

Same TabbyMumz, much easier and far less hassle, better for your back not having to carry it too and small babies shouldn't be in car seats for over long anyway. Leave it in the car then you don't need an extra wide space.

Spikeyball · 11/09/2018 19:06

Everyone on higher rate doesn't get one. They do with Dla but don't with PIP.