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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have told a woman with her kids to mind her own business

455 replies

Woolythoughts · 10/09/2018 08:38

Travelling on a train, sat at a table of four seats. Opposite me was a woman with one of her kids and her other one was next to me. Once next to her was a toddler and the one next to me probably about 6/7.

I was happily sitting there watching a box set on the ipad with head phones in. US drama with bits of violence (guns, shooting, fights etc) and a bit of sex (Homeland for those who know it).

She asked me if I could turn it off as it was unsuitable for her son sitting next to me to watch it. I think he'd been watching the screen and made some comment to his mother from what I could gather when I took my headphones out.

Told her not a chance as it was not my problem.

Then, about 20 minutes left to go, was killing time playing candy crush - again with head phones on.

This time she asked me not to as her kids wanted to play it and she didn't allow it and it would upset them.

At that point I politely suggested she pay more attention to what her kids were doing and less to what I was doing and I'd do what I wanted.

She seemed to think I should modify my behaviour because of her parenting choices.

OP posts:
PorkFlute · 10/09/2018 10:34

Love the fact that if you think a 6yr old watching sex on an iPad is fine you have to start swearing at people who disagree with you, call them stupid then complain about people thinking you’re thick. Bye!

whosafraidofabigduckfart · 10/09/2018 10:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PorkFlute · 10/09/2018 10:36

How about everyone just considering others when they’re in public. Adults doing want to hear oinking, kids don’t want to see fucking. It’s not hard is it?

sofato5miles · 10/09/2018 10:36

On a commuter train the Other week I was standing being a man sitting down checking his Facebook chat which was full of porn. Nondescript chap and I did wonder what the world is coming to. How on earth did he rationalise doing it in public, I do not know.

NewLevelsOfTiredness · 10/09/2018 10:37

Right, I quick imbd throws the following example as a scene from Homeland:

"A woman wears a negligee and kisses her husband, trying to engage him in sex. At he throws her on the bed and has violent sex with her, leaving her scared and crying afterwards."

Not great.

We don't know that the child was staring - this is from the OP: " I think he'd been watching the screen and made some comment to his mother from what I could gather when I took my headphones out."

She has no idea if he was staring, but we DO know that the ipad was easily in his line of sight, because it was on the table, so he did not have to 'stare over her shoulder' - if he was looking forward, it would be in the corner of his vision.

This is all in line with the facts presented so far, right?

So with that in mind, it's quite possible that a child who has been appropriately sheltered from sexual imagery, was minding his business but caught a rape scene out the corner of the his eye, and maybe then looked a bit in shock, and then asked his mum about it? And if that wasn't the case, it was only luck that it wasn't that scene he witnessed?

HermioneGoesBackHome · 10/09/2018 10:37

What I dont get is why the mother didn’t at least TRY to change the seating plan.
I mean many posters on here are saying it’s unacceptable to watch a 17+ (that serie is NOT an 18 Aka porn). The mother seemed to think it wasn’t acceptable (remembering we don’t know what the child saw or said btw...) but the mother still left the child sat next the OP.
WHY?

If my child had told me that he could see people snogging or naked, I might have asked which program the OP was watching.
If I had thought it wasn’t appropriate for the child to see it, I wouod have changed the seating plan (both dcs next to each other), made sure that the child was very busy (by talking to him, doing games etc etc) or I would have moved. I mean with a toddler, they could easily have sat all three of them next to each other for example.

After all, child centric or not, if you think someone is doing something totally unacceptable, you don’t just sit there passively and accept it wo doing anything. Esp if you think this will be detrimental to the child.

PorkFlute · 10/09/2018 10:37

No sign of the op.....I wonder if people might feel differently if it was a he as everyone has referred to them as a she...

whosafraidofabigduckfart · 10/09/2018 10:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

flamingofridays · 10/09/2018 10:38

but that's not what I said is it?

you can make up what you want to think I said...… but it doesn't make it what I actually said.

Eliza9917 · 10/09/2018 10:39

YWNBU at all. She was. I'd have been tempted to put something worse on. If she didn't like it she could entertain her own kids maybe, or swap seats with them or move. Not your kid, not your problem.

HermioneGoesBackHome · 10/09/2018 10:40

News my dcs have always been quite sheltered.
At that age, they wouldn’t have realised the rape stuff. They wouod have dislike the kissing!
What they wouod have had major issues with is the violence, killing, hitting etc....

LittleBookofCalm · 10/09/2018 10:40

i bet she was a fucking mumsnetter, all sanctimonious and proper,
oh

anyway she was totally in the wrong op. How ridiculous and precious.

PorkFlute · 10/09/2018 10:40

So what are you saying then flamingo? Was the op right to be watching sex scenes on an iPad she knew a 6yr old could clearly see or not?

LoniceraJaponica · 10/09/2018 10:42

Don't you sound delightful Eliza Hmm

flamingofridays · 10/09/2018 10:42

So what are you saying then flamingo? Was the op right to be watching sex scenes on an iPad she knew a 6yr old could clearly see or not?

I am saying op was well within her rights to watch homeland, on her ipad, with headphones.

Personally I would have turned the screen regardless of what I was watching.

She didn't show a 6yo porn. She watched homeland, a 6yo looked at her screen, she thinks.

WorraLiberty · 10/09/2018 10:44

If the OP was a bloke, half of Mumsnet would be screaming 'pervert' at him now, for putting his Ipad on the table and openly watching sex scenes in front of a 6yr old, in a public place.

LittleBookofCalm · 10/09/2018 10:45

Would she have told you Not to Read 50 shades of grey because her child was also reading it over your shoulder, rudely

Jackieyoulooknice · 10/09/2018 10:45

@SlartiAardvark

*She could have moved the dc but that would have been an act of ameliorating your unreasonableness.

See, if you were sat near me I'd take the earphones out & put in on speakers.

Or develop Tourettes....

Just move your brat & haul your fat arse to a different seat - sorted!!!*

Look at this attention seeker Biscuit

whosafraidofabigduckfart · 10/09/2018 10:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PorkFlute · 10/09/2018 10:46

So you would have turned the screen flamingo so was the op right not to turn the screen knowing the child could see the sex scenes? Because earlier you said it was the child’s responsibility to look away.

MsHopey · 10/09/2018 10:47

Kids had crayons and books and their own screens

She did bring things to try and entertain her own children.

PorkFlute · 10/09/2018 10:47

The op hasn’t said if they are a woman or man as far as I’m aware?

LittleBookofCalm · 10/09/2018 10:50

Homeland isnt exactly Full of Sex.
Have anyone of you seen it?

MadameButterface · 10/09/2018 10:50

op was wrong, a bloke would also be wrong

if op wants a whole table to herself so she doesn't have to bother about sharing the space with others she needs to book and pay for four seats

it's public transport, not your front room

WorraLiberty · 10/09/2018 10:50

Pork since the majority of MNetters are female, my money's on that.

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