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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have told a woman with her kids to mind her own business

455 replies

Woolythoughts · 10/09/2018 08:38

Travelling on a train, sat at a table of four seats. Opposite me was a woman with one of her kids and her other one was next to me. Once next to her was a toddler and the one next to me probably about 6/7.

I was happily sitting there watching a box set on the ipad with head phones in. US drama with bits of violence (guns, shooting, fights etc) and a bit of sex (Homeland for those who know it).

She asked me if I could turn it off as it was unsuitable for her son sitting next to me to watch it. I think he'd been watching the screen and made some comment to his mother from what I could gather when I took my headphones out.

Told her not a chance as it was not my problem.

Then, about 20 minutes left to go, was killing time playing candy crush - again with head phones on.

This time she asked me not to as her kids wanted to play it and she didn't allow it and it would upset them.

At that point I politely suggested she pay more attention to what her kids were doing and less to what I was doing and I'd do what I wanted.

She seemed to think I should modify my behaviour because of her parenting choices.

OP posts:
flamingofridays · 10/09/2018 10:50

I would turn the screen anyway, because I wouldn't want to share my ipad with anyones 6yo whether I was watching homeland or cbeebies.

was she right not to turn the screen? in an ideal world she should have turned the screen, but did she mention something about glare? so she couldn't?

i never said yes op you should have plonked it down right in the middle of the table and invited the child to watch it, but i don't think op should have turned it off because a 6yo was sat next to her either,

i really am out now.

BarbarianMum · 10/09/2018 10:51

Do we have the right to watch sexually explicit and/or violent content on public transport? Pretty sure I've never seen anything in the terms and conditions of carriage to that effect.

PorkFlute · 10/09/2018 10:53

No she should have had the common sense not to put it on!
And a choice between a bit of glare on the screen and a child being able to see the sex scenes you’re watching shouldn’t have been a difficult decision to make.
Basically the op thought that what she wanted was the only thing that mattered which is a really selfish way to behave in a public place.

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 10/09/2018 10:54

How about everyone just considering others when they’re in public. Adults doing want to hear oinking, kids don’t want to see fucking. It’s not hard is it?
⬆️ This, exactly.

LittleBookofCalm · 10/09/2018 10:58

op you could have put it in your lap?

PorkFlute · 10/09/2018 11:03

No sign of the op having stared up such a heated debate Hmm

Fabricwitch · 10/09/2018 11:04

It kind of depends on angles etc, but with the info we have I think she was being more unreasonable. She could have swapped places with you. Her families seating arrangements are not your responsibility

Lethaldrizzle · 10/09/2018 11:11

Littlebookofcalm - Yes I have seen every episode. Some if it fine for kids to see but I would never watch it with kids around

whosafraidofabigduckfart · 10/09/2018 11:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LittleBookofCalm · 10/09/2018 11:13

Where is op

theunsure · 10/09/2018 11:14

YANBU, I would have done the same.

If she didn't like it she could've swapped seats or moved.
Not your kids, not your problem. If you'd not had headphones on that'd be different.

It is bloody bad manners to look at someone else's book/magazine/ipad etc - she should teach her child manners if she is that bothered.

WorraLiberty · 10/09/2018 11:14

OP's off playing Candy Crush

Rebecca36 · 10/09/2018 11:15

Read a book next time, preferably in a foreign language so no young kid can read it.

'Homeland' isn't all shooting, fighting and sex so I don't know which particular bit you were watching but scenes move on quickly. I daresay the kid has seen snatches of unsuitable stuff on TV at home, before parents realise it's going to happen.

The mother was unreasonable, she could easily have swapped seats with the child.

ballseditupforever · 10/09/2018 11:15

You sound hard work. Who in their right mind would watch a violent box set with a child of 6 or 7 sat next to them. Candy Crush fair enough though she was unreasonable about that. Why didn't you move?

WorraLiberty · 10/09/2018 11:15

she should teach her child manners if she is that bothered.

Which is a work in progress when it comes to kids, isn't it?

It doesn't happen overnight.

MadameButterface · 10/09/2018 11:20

she should teach her child manners if she is that bothered

maybe she didn't feel like it, the same way op didn't feel like angling her screen away or watching something pg rated

because no one has to do anything they don't feel like, right?

lottiegarbanzo · 10/09/2018 11:23

Yes, as with so many AIBUs it comes down to consideration for others vs selfishness that's morphed via a rights mentaility into determined and self-righteous obliviousness.

No oinking, no fucking - and definitely no combinations of the two! (Sorry but my mind leaps to the 'assess my OLD profile' thread and a definition of 'broadmindness' therein).

ballseditupforever · 10/09/2018 11:24

I think as well that you are lucky she didn't call the train manager on you. You may well have been arrested if she had been persistent and you took no steps to turn it off when the sex scene started.

ismellsnow · 10/09/2018 11:25

YANBU, totally up to you what you do, it's her job to mind her kids, not yours (and I say that as a mother of children similarly aged to the ones sat beside you)

bbpet · 10/09/2018 11:26

why didn't she just swap seats with her son?

GunpowderGelatine · 10/09/2018 11:28

YANBU WRT candy crush but YWBVU for watching sex scenes on a train

ballseditupforever · 10/09/2018 11:31

Are you actually a pervert op?

nokidshere · 10/09/2018 11:32

Seems like no one has any consideration for others these days

Why would you even want to watch sexual scenes whilst sat next to a stranger on a train anyway. Weird.

Lweji · 10/09/2018 11:38

Pretty much this:
YANBU WRT candy crush but YWBVU for watching sex scenes on a train

Even with adults around you, it's not exactly considerate. And, it looks like the mother could see the screen too, so you weren't being particularly discreet about it.

And I'm an avid Homeland viewer. Some of the sex scenes are, well, steamy. It really depends on the episode.

Also, YABVU for only watching the series now. What season are you on?

NewLevelsOfTiredness · 10/09/2018 11:42

I know it's not just mums who use mumsnet but I'm a little shocked at the number of people who genuinely think 6 years are robotic little stepford beings who can pointedly ignore programs on a screen that is in their field of vision. Well parented, polite 6 year olds are still curious and would struggle to pointedly ignore something that is happening out of the corner of their eye. Children are curious. It's a necessary learning trait.

I do realise that it is a terrible inconvenience to those who need to watch adult content in public, that these little continuations of our species have to exist.

And please. If two people are sat beside eachother on a train, if one has an ipad on the table in front it is clearly and plainly in the other person's field of vision.

And yes, it's not your problem. Not your child. Many people would still think "Oh, there are actually one or two other things available on the internet or my device. I'll choose one of them." You can choose to be socially conscious or not. Imagine a world full or those that are and those that aren't, and tell me honestly which seems a nicer place?