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AIBU?

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Original poster

Am I too tolerant of newborn crying?

149 replies

Rwanditaliance · 09/09/2018 17:53

I have three DC. The latest one is three weeks old. Today due to driving in the car to somewhere we had to go (and me driving as the only one who drives) the newborn cried because he was hungry. I knew it was probably time to BF him but we only had five mins of the journey left and it was not possible to pull over.

In the car was DH, MIL, and my DM (plus DC) (BIG people carrier.)

In that five minutes, DH, MIL and DM made it very clear they couldn’t stand the sound of him crying. I saw lots of looks at each other and shaking of heads in the rear view mirror. There were several tuts from MIL who asked if she could take him out of his seat and hold him. I said no as it’s against the law. More tuts.

DH eventually piped up - “wow it really doesn’t bother you does it? Weird as it’s supposed to affect mothers the most.” Obviously this has many implications ; the perception that I could just drive, and hard-heartedly tolerate it while everyone else, - brimming with empathy - could not.

I said yes it does bother me, but I’ve told you we’re three minutes away from where I can BF him and, sometimes - in exceptional circumstances - this does happen.

By the end of the journey, my DM had her head in her hands, DC were asking her what was wrong. DH was wringing his hands and taking elaborate “deep breaths” in the rear view mirror, and MIL was still sighing and tutting.

I parked the car at home and MIL jumped out of the passenger seat and fell over in her panic to get out (and get to the baby.) DM rushed over to the baby’s side in a panic to get to him and got in a mess trying to undo his car seat straps, basically winding them further around his arms and torso.

I came and undid them and took him out and walked with him into the house and upstairs. It took me a while to get my bra unstrapped, so he cried further and DH was at the door saying “what are you doing? Stop changing.”

WIBU and cold hearted to not be in a panic like everyone else?

OP posts:
ThanosSavedMe · 09/09/2018 18:15

They all need to get a grip. And stop being so bloody pathetic.

I think I’d rip dh a new one.

Did you ask any of them what exactly did they expect you to do?

ferntwist · 09/09/2018 18:16

YANBU. They were so over the top and unhelpful. They should also all learn to drive so they can help you out more. You must have felt very undermined by your DH. As for him telling you off when you were taking off your bra to feed - no words.

ThanosSavedMe · 09/09/2018 18:16

Agree with pp, don’t drive them anywhere again as it’s obviously too stressful for them.

IfIWasABirdIdFlyIn2ACeilingFan · 09/09/2018 18:18

I think I’d have choked the lot of them.

They’ve clearly forgotten or never experiment what it’s like to be a mother of more than one child!! Sometime the baby just has to cry! No it’s not easy to listen to, it’s not supposed to be, but it’s unavoidable and their pathetic behaviour did nothing to alleviate the situation and only served to guilt you, a post natal mother! They’re disgusting.

AtrociousCircumstance · 09/09/2018 18:19

Stupid idiots. There were quite a few babies in that car, not just one.

sexnotgender · 09/09/2018 18:20

What a bunch of numpties!

Honestly you were 100% in the right, ignore the drama llamas. I’d have had a word with DH about the changing comment too.

UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername · 09/09/2018 18:20

I'd be raging with the lot of them, but especially your DH. He was really unpleasant. I'd be leaving him to sort out his own transport arrangements for the foreseeable future if I were you.

bershetmelon · 09/09/2018 18:24

YANBU I hated taking dd out anywhere in the car for the first 6 months as she hated the car. The once my gran was in the back with her, dd as usual 5 minutes into the journey was raging about the fact she was in the car. My DGM inserts various 'oh poor thing' 'bless her' which steadily increased to almost hysterics of 'we should have bought a bottle' 'you're going to have to stop the car' 'she's starving' she was bloody fine she insisted I drove straight home instead of dropping her off so I could feed my 'starving' child. Got her in the house sat down with a bottle that dd wasn't interested in and she instead had he biggest smile plastered across her face. DGM couldn't believe it. Honestly op you're right no point in getting wound up as it's get neither of you anywhere!

WashedUpCelebrity · 09/09/2018 18:25

YANBU that they're being rude and to keep driving, but YABU to call them over the top drama queens. Being stuck in a car with a screaming infant would give me a panic attack.

IfIWasABirdIdFlyIn2ACeilingFan · 09/09/2018 18:26

In fact I’d sit the three of them down and bollock them like the little children they’re behaving like. How dare they do that to you.

lazyarse123 · 09/09/2018 18:34

Ywdnbu i like the "fuck off and walk" suggestion. But seriously you need to have a word with all of them. A child will not starve in 5 minutes.

NotTakenUsername · 09/09/2018 18:34

YANBU that they're being rude and to keep driving, but YABU to call them over the top drama queens. Being stuck in a car with a screaming infant would give me a panic attack.

Ok... either you have a medical condition (which they don’t) or you too are a drama queen.

They were totally drama llamas.

0lgaDaPolga · 09/09/2018 18:35

They sound like hard work. No one likes the sound of a newborn crying but if you are 5 mins from home with nowhere to pull over what did they expect you to do?

RageAgainstTheTagine · 09/09/2018 18:38

You should have started dramatically shouting for DMIL to attempt to re-lactate and feed the baby asap!! Seeing as you are a shrivelled, cold hearted shrew 😉

CloudCaptain · 09/09/2018 18:42

Didn't one of them try to distract the baby! Singing, playing a video on phone, anything? Useless.

WashedUpCelebrity · 09/09/2018 18:44

They were totally drama llamas.

How do you know they don't have any medical conditions?

AssassinatedBeauty · 09/09/2018 18:45

All of them? Maybe it's something genetic/contagious?

Aridane · 09/09/2018 18:52

The contempt with which you write about your family makes you unreasonable!!

RebelRogue · 09/09/2018 18:57

What a bunch of bumbling idiots.Confused
YANBU. If they didn't like it they have two options 1.learn to drive 2.not go in the car with you until baby is weaned or 3.get the fuck over themselves ,he was crying from hunger for 5 mins not being burned alive!

NotTakenUsername · 09/09/2018 18:58

How do you know they don't have any medical conditions?

Awk away on yourself! Grin

BabySharkDoododoo · 09/09/2018 18:58

I hate the sound of other kids crying. Even toddler aged kids. Goes right through me. But oddly enough I can tolerate my own kids, even when they scream for ages. Was the same when they were newborns.

TrainsandDiggers · 09/09/2018 18:59

I don’t know if you were BU as it’s your child, but I did used to pull over with only a few mins to go of a journey because I BFd on demand and I found it unbearable to hear my children get so upset. Not judging, just saying people are different and maybe your DM, DH and MIL would have done things differently if they were the ones in control? On the plus side, it’s nice they all care so much.

Aridane · 09/09/2018 19:00

Not too tolerant of baby crying but more than a tad into,errant of your relatives...

AssassinatedBeauty · 09/09/2018 19:02

TrainsandDiggers would you have done that with other small children in the car as well?

TrainsandDiggers · 09/09/2018 19:05

Assassinate - I did, but then I was never in a car situation with two upset in one go. If I was, I might have had to do something different? Will never know now! Like I said, I’m not judging the op. Just saying I did do this kind of thing, so maybe there are others like me?